The Respect is Missing!

God clearly commands children to obey their parents. To listen to their father's teaching and to obey the law of their mother.

Proverbs 6:20-21 "20 My son, keep your father’s commandment, and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. 21 Bind them always upon your heart; tie them around your neck.…"

This commandment to "bind them ALWAYS upon your heart is being violated continually among adult children.

As our children were growing up they were being raised primarily by the culture through their daily contact with the public school system. They were taught things their mother and father didn't agree with and the pull of the world was far greater than the influence of their parents. Not only were they adversely influenced by the schools and churches around them, they were also affected by the family culture that was also in rebellion against God.

As the years passed the children were trained by the culture to resist the training of their parents to become one with their culture.

Many times the children would reluctantly obey my commands to put away their coat or clean their room, even though they did what they were told it was not out of devotion and love it was to avoid being disciplined for not obeying.

Why did I think the obedience was to stay out of trouble? Simple put, when they thought I couldn't see or that they could get away with something they knew I would not approve of they would sneak and do as they pleased.

Sadly though these adult children carry their angst and stubbornness into adulthood as they remain disrespectful only more openly because I cannot punish them anymore. What does this tell me? It says that they were never willingly and lovingly compliant to begin with all their growing years.

Ones' character does not change because they suddenly grew up. The character that was inside all along in their youth is magnified as they grow up to be their true selves on the outside. When we let go of our children as they leave home is when we will see what they are made of, what has been there all the time emerges.

I once heard a story about a little boy who was being disciplined by his father. The father commanded the boy to go and sit in a chair as a punishment for bad behavior. The boy went to the chair and sat down. After sitting down the boy loudly declared; "I am sitting down on the outside up on the inside I am standing up."

God cares about the inside far more than the outside. Our heart condition is what drives our character and our actions. Those who are obeying just to be seen as good or merely to keep out of trouble will eventually let down their guard and become on the outside the character that was inside all along.

One example of this is when a young boy came home from school and removed his coat as he let it fall to the floor. The little boy knew the mother was a tidy person and would expect her to tell him to put his coat in its proper place in the closet.

The young boy knew his mother would be irritated that he had not done what he knew to do. He was enjoying the frustration of the mother who had been through this with the boy many times about other things.

When the mother commanded the boy to put his coat away one more time, the boy grabbed the coat, went to the closet and threw the coat in rather than hanging it on the hook. This is defiance in God's eyes.

How hard would it have been to walk in the door of the house, take the coat off as he went to the closet and hung it up the way he knew his mother wanted? Not hard at all!!!!

When a mother encounters these covertly disobedient actions there is a wedge created between the mother and the son. The wedge is created by the son who will not obey God in obeying the law of his mother.

Merely doing what the authorities over you ask is not necessarily obedience if it does not come from a heart that wishes to bless those God has placed over us.

The rebellion in our day is no longer covert because there is almost no accountability or punishment for those who defy authority. There is also no support for those who believe in standards and rules, they pretty much stand alone.

Another aspect of this rebellion is that the rebellious one always finds a way to blame the one who was reasonable in their command for being mean. Its sort of like the bully who pokes and pokes at his little sister and then accuses her of being out of control when she shouts at him to stop after several pokes.

I cannot count the number of appalling blogs I have read about daughters in law who come right out and say; "I hate my mother in law." These entitled brats have never learned to respect the mother of their spouse, treating them with the love and dignity one would treat their own mothers. My guess is that these same rebellious in law children never treated anyone with respect because they didn't know what it looked like.

Then there was one blog I read that blessed my socks off. It was a young newly married woman who said; "I love my mother in law." I saw the sweetness and respect in the tone of this letter and it made me realize there are still some out there who understand that if we love our spouse we treat their mother with love and kindness.

Those who get married and attempt to isolate our spouse from their mother are disrespecting the mother but also their spouse.

When we get married the mother of our spouse is to be treated as a mother to us also. It is respect for the spouse that we treat their parents with love. Only one generation ago both people in a marriage called the mother and father of their spouse; "Mom and Dad." It was expected and considered normal.

Now we have adult children calling their parent in laws by their first names, a disrespectful stance. Placing ones self on the same level as the in law parents is disrespectful.

Ephesians 6:1-2 "1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2“Honor your father and mother” (which is the first commandment with a promise),…"