The narcissist will be angry with you but will refuse to tell you what they are angry about, you are supposed to guess. If you ask you are snarled and snapped at as though you should have known and will not tell you. Secrets to hide their intent are a tool on the narcissist tool belt.
Perhaps it is impossible to rationally discuss a matter to resolve it with a narcissist because they don't have a legitimate problem with us, they just use the pretense to control our emotions so we will blow up into anger. If we become angry they can feel justified that they tormented us.
As a child, I had a brother who would poke at me, poke at me and poke at me until I shouted at him to stop. Then he would say to me; "see how you are", as though I was the bad one for blowing up. This is the goal of narcissists, they hate those who are kind and good-natured so they must do something to cause a reaction in them that proves they are not as good as the narcissist thinks.
Narcissists want you to continue shame and guilt over a past that no longer exists. Even guilt over times when you didn't do what they wanted you to do that was not sin. Even kind acts toward the narcissist are taken as manipulation because when they do a kind act it is manipulation on their part. They believe others are just like them and cannot stand someone who rises above their childish foolishness. Narcissists have a bratty six-year-old mentality, irrationally in competition with those they wish were beneath them.
Many church groups have their own rules that God never commanded but they believe are written in stone because a leader decided what everyone else should do. They will intimidate others to obey their rules and if someone refuses to obey them, they will call them names like "rebellious" or "unreasonable", even though it is the narcissistic church leader who is rebellious and unreasonable.
We can always tell if someone is a narcissist, they are mean-spirited without compassion and empathy as they dictate orders to others that God never commanded. Get away from these leaders they have no authority over you, no matter how much they try to make you the bad guy for following God instead of them.
We are free in Christ to follow Him and His Words in the Bible without adding any extra human words to what He commanded.
Galatians 5:1
"For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery."
Feel free to say things like; "the Bible does not say that", or "God never told me to do that." If you think the person talking to you might be teachable then you could ask them to show you in scripture where they find that rule and actually have a discussion about the matter using God's Word. However, very few people in this generation are teachable, they think they know everything because everything they think they know is based on their emotions or a desire to believe a certain way. Their emotions and desires dictate their beliefs not facts.
The beautiful thing is that we are free to ignore legalistic mandates instituted by men that are not in God's Word. We are free to think with the mind of Christ in logical rational and Biblical ways without a sense of guilt or shame about it.
Mark 7:13 "13 Thus you nullify the word of God by the tradition you have handed down. And you do so in many such matters.”
Be free to evaluate everything a man says by testing it against the Bible, if it is not Biblical discard it as nothing more than human tradition.
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