"Assumptions" are at the root of so many relationship problems. Those who are not wanting to take the time to visit with someone to discover truth, would rather assume things that fit their desired belief about you more than learning the facts.
We see more of this going on in our culture now, so much so that those who are just doing what they believe in and choose for their own life are judged as bad people on scanty to no information.
When we find that we cannot be open and honest with someone, that is when we realize there are going to be problems over petty and insignificant things. We need to withdraw from those who love their assumptions but will not inquire to discuss with you the truth.
Jealousy often drives those who want to believe things they know nothing about.
James 3:16
"For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice."
If you find jealousy driving you to treat someone disrespectfully, then it is time to confess that sin and choose not to engage in the mean treatment of others merely based on those feelings.
James 4:2-3
"You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions."
It was jealousy that drove the devil to come against God. It was jealousy that drove the devil to attempt to turn Eve against God. The devil used questions and lies to cause her to desire what should not have been hers, while making her doubt God.
Ultimately the devil's ploy is to place wicked questions in the minds of people to turn against one another.
So many people believe they know all there is to know about someone, when at close inspection they really know very little and even have disinformation.
If we have the love of Christ in us we will seek to find truth, truth sets us free from assumptions and guesses.
Tuesday, July 24, 2018
A Perverse Man Sows Strife
Proverbs 16:28
"A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends."
Hal Lindsey once said: "telling a secret to congress is like calling a press conference."
I say, confiding in a family member, no matter how sincere or interested they may seem, is like calling a press conference. Often things that are repeated are embellished, hardly recognizable from the original story.
YES! There are entire families who gossip with one another against the scapegoat. We see examples of this in the life of Joseph, when his brothers hated him because he was chosen by God and wanted to get rid of him. Since the brothers of Joseph were not godly people they were jealous of the attention he was given by the father and were angry at his righteous life.
They put him into a well and then sold him into slavery. HOWEVER, God had a purpose and everything the brothers did to him ultimately fulfilled God's will for him to be used in a mighty way. When God separates us from family He has a purpose that we cannot see. Hallelujah!
Many of you have been figuratively place in a deep well by family members. Just know that Joseph went through the same thing only far worse.
Remember too that even in the lives of the brothers who persecuted Joseph, he was used of God. Not only did Joseph become prominent and over his brothers as his dream once showed him, he provided for their need after they were repentant.
Joseph didn't immediately let his brothers off the hook, he required a good faith expression of obedience to him as their leader, just as the dream he had revealed that one day they would bow to him. He let them squirm a little before believing them. When he saw that they were sincere and humbly repentant, then he embraced them.
When potentially empty words like "I'm sorry" are said, there must also be evidence that those words mean something real. One way to know this is if there is humility when we question them further. The insincere man will rage at being questioned, even right after an "I'm sorry" event. The humble man who is questioned will hang their head in shame and know they deserve the doubt. The insincere man will be vague in their apology, expecting that he not be required to give details of the offense or that there would be further discussion about it.
It is not wrong to discuss the expression of sorrow to discern its genuineness. If there is rage and accusation you can be sure the apology is insincere. If there is humility and an expression of deep sorrow over the challenge, then we know the offender has been humbled and ready to change their ways.
There have been times in my life when an offender raged at the mere suggestion that we discuss the offense. When there is a refusal to have a discussion that whatever caused the offense would be resolved so it does not happen again, we know the apology was not sincere.
"I'm sorry" verbiage is often nothing more than a desire to just placate the one they wish to draw back into their web. Many times in my life I have experienced those who just wanted the bad feelings to be over, only to return quickly to their old ways that caused the problem. Manipulation is a device the narcissist uses often to regain control over their targets.
Far too many people let offenders off the hook too soon. The offender returns to their sin and even accuses the one they offended of things to deflect the blame from themselves.
Yes we are to forgive, but not too quickly and not without an expression of sorrow over sin. Our entire culture has the bad habit of forgiving just because words are said without any evidence that the offender hates their sin and will turn from it.
Proverbs 29:8-10 "…8 Mockers inflame a city, but the wise turn away anger. 9 If a wise man goes to court with a fool, there will be raving and laughing with no resolution. 10 Men of bloodshed hate a blameless man, but the upright care for his life.…"
There are many people who will use words we like to hear as a form of manipulation but they are only words, the actions of change never come.
There will be hordes of people who have claimed to be "Christian" who will be rejected by Christ because their expression of Christianity was merely words and actions to elevate self, they had no sorrow over offending a Holy God. Nor did they want to know God's will.
Matthew 7:21-23
I Never Knew You
"21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’"
"A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends."
Hal Lindsey once said: "telling a secret to congress is like calling a press conference."
I say, confiding in a family member, no matter how sincere or interested they may seem, is like calling a press conference. Often things that are repeated are embellished, hardly recognizable from the original story.
YES! There are entire families who gossip with one another against the scapegoat. We see examples of this in the life of Joseph, when his brothers hated him because he was chosen by God and wanted to get rid of him. Since the brothers of Joseph were not godly people they were jealous of the attention he was given by the father and were angry at his righteous life.
They put him into a well and then sold him into slavery. HOWEVER, God had a purpose and everything the brothers did to him ultimately fulfilled God's will for him to be used in a mighty way. When God separates us from family He has a purpose that we cannot see. Hallelujah!
Many of you have been figuratively place in a deep well by family members. Just know that Joseph went through the same thing only far worse.
Remember too that even in the lives of the brothers who persecuted Joseph, he was used of God. Not only did Joseph become prominent and over his brothers as his dream once showed him, he provided for their need after they were repentant.
Joseph didn't immediately let his brothers off the hook, he required a good faith expression of obedience to him as their leader, just as the dream he had revealed that one day they would bow to him. He let them squirm a little before believing them. When he saw that they were sincere and humbly repentant, then he embraced them.
When potentially empty words like "I'm sorry" are said, there must also be evidence that those words mean something real. One way to know this is if there is humility when we question them further. The insincere man will rage at being questioned, even right after an "I'm sorry" event. The humble man who is questioned will hang their head in shame and know they deserve the doubt. The insincere man will be vague in their apology, expecting that he not be required to give details of the offense or that there would be further discussion about it.
It is not wrong to discuss the expression of sorrow to discern its genuineness. If there is rage and accusation you can be sure the apology is insincere. If there is humility and an expression of deep sorrow over the challenge, then we know the offender has been humbled and ready to change their ways.
There have been times in my life when an offender raged at the mere suggestion that we discuss the offense. When there is a refusal to have a discussion that whatever caused the offense would be resolved so it does not happen again, we know the apology was not sincere.
"I'm sorry" verbiage is often nothing more than a desire to just placate the one they wish to draw back into their web. Many times in my life I have experienced those who just wanted the bad feelings to be over, only to return quickly to their old ways that caused the problem. Manipulation is a device the narcissist uses often to regain control over their targets.
Far too many people let offenders off the hook too soon. The offender returns to their sin and even accuses the one they offended of things to deflect the blame from themselves.
Yes we are to forgive, but not too quickly and not without an expression of sorrow over sin. Our entire culture has the bad habit of forgiving just because words are said without any evidence that the offender hates their sin and will turn from it.
Proverbs 29:8-10 "…8 Mockers inflame a city, but the wise turn away anger. 9 If a wise man goes to court with a fool, there will be raving and laughing with no resolution. 10 Men of bloodshed hate a blameless man, but the upright care for his life.…"
There are many people who will use words we like to hear as a form of manipulation but they are only words, the actions of change never come.
There will be hordes of people who have claimed to be "Christian" who will be rejected by Christ because their expression of Christianity was merely words and actions to elevate self, they had no sorrow over offending a Holy God. Nor did they want to know God's will.
Matthew 7:21-23
I Never Knew You
"21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’"
Proverbs 24:17-20
“Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth: Lest the Lord see it, and it displease him, and he turn away his wrath from him. Fret not thyself because of evil men, neither be thou envious at the wicked; For there shall be no reward to the evil man; the candle of the wicked shall be put out.”
Galatians 3 ..
1 O foolish Galatians, who hath bewitched you, that ye should not obey the truth, before whose eyes Jesus Christ hath been evidently set forth, crucified among you?
2 This only would I learn of you, Received ye the Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith?
3 Are ye so foolish? having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect by the flesh?
4 Have ye suffered so many things in vain? if it be yet in vain.
5 He therefore that ministereth to you the Spirit, and worketh miracles among you, doeth he it by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith?
6 Even as Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.
7 Know ye therefore that they which are of faith, the same are the children of Abraham.
8 And the scripture, foreseeing that God would justify the heathen through faith, preached before the gospel unto Abraham, saying, In thee shall all nations be blessed.
9 So then they which be of faith are blessed with faithful Abraham.
10 For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse: for it is written, Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things which are written in the book of the law to do them.
11 But that no man is justified by the law in the sight of God, it is evident: for, The just shall live by faith.
12 And the law is not of faith: but, The man that doeth them shall live in them.
13 Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree:
14 That the blessing of Abraham might come on the Gentiles through Jesus Christ; that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.
15 Brethren, I speak after the manner of men; Though it be but a man's covenant, yet if it be confirmed, no man disannulleth, or addeth thereto.
16 Now to Abraham and his seed were the promises made. He saith not, And to seeds, as of many; but as of one, And to thy seed, which is Christ.
17 And this I say, that the covenant, that was confirmed before of God in Christ, the law, which was four hundred and thirty years after, cannot disannul, that it should make the promise of none effect.
18 For if the inheritance be of the law, it is no more of promise: but God gave it to Abraham by promise.
19 Wherefore then serveth the law? It was added because of transgressions, till the seed should come to whom the promise was made; and it was ordained by angels in the hand of a mediator.
20 Now a mediator is not a mediator of one, but God is one.
21 Is the law then against the promises of God? God forbid: for if there had been a law given which could have given life, verily righteousness should have been by the law.
22 But the scripture hath concluded all under sin, that the promise by faith of Jesus Christ might be given to them that believe.
23 But before faith came, we were kept under the law, shut up unto the faith which should afterwards be revealed.
24 Wherefore the law was our schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ, that we might be justified by faith.
25 But after that faith is come, we are no longer under a schoolmaster.
26 For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus.
27 For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ.
28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.
2 This only would I learn of you, Received ye the Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith?
3 Are ye so foolish? having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect by the flesh?
4 Have ye suffered so many things in vain? if it be yet in vain.
5 He therefore that ministereth to you the Spirit, and worketh miracles among you, doeth he it by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith?
6 Even as Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.
7 Know ye therefore that they which are of faith, the same are the children of Abraham.
8 And the scripture, foreseeing that God would justify the heathen through faith, preached before the gospel unto Abraham, saying, In thee shall all nations be blessed.
9 So then they which be of faith are blessed with faithful Abraham.
10 For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse: for it is written, Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things which are written in the book of the law to do them.
11 But that no man is justified by the law in the sight of God, it is evident: for, The just shall live by faith.
12 And the law is not of faith: but, The man that doeth them shall live in them.
13 Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us: for it is written, Cursed is every one that hangeth on a tree:
14 That the blessing of Abraham might come on the Gentiles through Jesus Christ; that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.
15 Brethren, I speak after the manner of men; Though it be but a man's covenant, yet if it be confirmed, no man disannulleth, or addeth thereto.
16 Now to Abraham and his seed were the promises made. He saith not, And to seeds, as of many; but as of one, And to thy seed, which is Christ.
17 And this I say, that the covenant, that was confirmed before of God in Christ, the law, which was four hundred and thirty years after, cannot disannul, that it should make the promise of none effect.
18 For if the inheritance be of the law, it is no more of promise: but God gave it to Abraham by promise.
19 Wherefore then serveth the law? It was added because of transgressions, till the seed should come to whom the promise was made; and it was ordained by angels in the hand of a mediator.
20 Now a mediator is not a mediator of one, but God is one.
21 Is the law then against the promises of God? God forbid: for if there had been a law given which could have given life, verily righteousness should have been by the law.
22 But the scripture hath concluded all under sin, that the promise by faith of Jesus Christ might be given to them that believe.
23 But before faith came, we were kept under the law, shut up unto the faith which should afterwards be revealed.
24 Wherefore the law was our schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ, that we might be justified by faith.
25 But after that faith is come, we are no longer under a schoolmaster.
26 For ye are all the children of God by faith in Christ Jesus.
27 For as many of you as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ.
28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.
29 And if ye be Christ's, then are ye Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise. ♡~
Monday, July 23, 2018
The Stories I Hear
You know there has been gossip when a family member takes pictures of you and your spouse separately and only post your spouse's pictures and not yours. LOL
I hear these kind of stories all the time from those who have been rejected by family members. Sadly the one rejected doesn't know why they have been rejected or ignored, but they do know how much it hurts.
When I question those who have experienced this I always have to ask, "is this person who rejected you considered a part of the "in crowd"? Do they dress like the world, play a lot, hangout in all the right venues and have friends who also are involved in all the acceptable events and activities?
Almost all of the time the answer comes back, yes, those who reject them are what I might call "the clique." These are the same kind of people who were the popular ones in high school.
Since many of us never fit into the clique we will not be considered valuable enough to be included. In fact, we are down right embarrassing to the clique, since we don't fall into all the latest fads, we don't dress like the world and we don't even think the same way.
As a believer in Christ do you find yourself disagreeing with much of what others are saying and doing? This is an indicator that you think on your own, outside of the box. When others are cooing over the need for self esteem and self exaltation, you are speaking Bibleeze. You are speaking things from the word while those who reject us are holding fast to the worldly ideas and unbiblical concepts.
I am here to encourage you!! When we are rejected by family members, treated as insignificant or strange, remember that Christ was too and all of his followers. One day we will see the love we missed on this earth turned into an eternity of nothing but love and kindness never ending.
We can be grateful that the Lord has given us social media where we can meet one another, sharing our life experiences and God's answers to them.
If you find yourself being treated with contempt and left out often, remember that the reason is not that there is something wrong with us, but that something is terribly wrong with the world. The world will love its own, they do not love those who love Christ.
John 15:18-20 "18 If the world hates you, understand that it hated Me first. 19 If you were of the world, it would love you as its own. Instead, the world hates you, because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. 20 Remember the word that I spoke to you: ‘No servant is greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will persecute you as well; if they kept My word, they will keep yours as well.…"
Be encouraged rejected brothers and sisters God is on our side and will never leave us.
I hear these kind of stories all the time from those who have been rejected by family members. Sadly the one rejected doesn't know why they have been rejected or ignored, but they do know how much it hurts.
When I question those who have experienced this I always have to ask, "is this person who rejected you considered a part of the "in crowd"? Do they dress like the world, play a lot, hangout in all the right venues and have friends who also are involved in all the acceptable events and activities?
Almost all of the time the answer comes back, yes, those who reject them are what I might call "the clique." These are the same kind of people who were the popular ones in high school.
Since many of us never fit into the clique we will not be considered valuable enough to be included. In fact, we are down right embarrassing to the clique, since we don't fall into all the latest fads, we don't dress like the world and we don't even think the same way.
As a believer in Christ do you find yourself disagreeing with much of what others are saying and doing? This is an indicator that you think on your own, outside of the box. When others are cooing over the need for self esteem and self exaltation, you are speaking Bibleeze. You are speaking things from the word while those who reject us are holding fast to the worldly ideas and unbiblical concepts.
I am here to encourage you!! When we are rejected by family members, treated as insignificant or strange, remember that Christ was too and all of his followers. One day we will see the love we missed on this earth turned into an eternity of nothing but love and kindness never ending.
We can be grateful that the Lord has given us social media where we can meet one another, sharing our life experiences and God's answers to them.
If you find yourself being treated with contempt and left out often, remember that the reason is not that there is something wrong with us, but that something is terribly wrong with the world. The world will love its own, they do not love those who love Christ.
John 15:18-20 "18 If the world hates you, understand that it hated Me first. 19 If you were of the world, it would love you as its own. Instead, the world hates you, because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. 20 Remember the word that I spoke to you: ‘No servant is greater than his master.’ If they persecuted Me, they will persecute you as well; if they kept My word, they will keep yours as well.…"
Be encouraged rejected brothers and sisters God is on our side and will never leave us.
Another Characteristic of a Narcissist
Taken from an article by Preston Ni M.S.B.A.
5. Emotional Invalidation and Coercion
Although narcissists and gaslighters can be (but are not always) physically abusive, for the majority of their victims, emotional suffering is where the damage is most painfully felt. Both narcissists and gaslighters enjoy spreading and arousing negative emotions in order to feel powerful, and keep you insecure and off-balance. They habitually invalidate others’ thoughts, feelings, and priorities, showing little remorse for causing people in their lives pain. They often blame their victims for having caused their own victimization (“You wouldn’t get yelled at if you weren’t so stupid!”).
In addition, many narcissists and gaslighters have unpredictable mood swings and are prone to emotional drama — you never know what might displease them and set them off. They become upset at any signs of independence and self-affirmation (“Who do you think you are!?”). They turn agitated if you disagree with their views or fail to meet their expectations. As mentioned earlier, they are sensitive to criticism, but quick to judge others. By keeping you down and making you feel inferior, they boost their fragile ego, and feel more reassured about themselves.
5. Emotional Invalidation and Coercion
Although narcissists and gaslighters can be (but are not always) physically abusive, for the majority of their victims, emotional suffering is where the damage is most painfully felt. Both narcissists and gaslighters enjoy spreading and arousing negative emotions in order to feel powerful, and keep you insecure and off-balance. They habitually invalidate others’ thoughts, feelings, and priorities, showing little remorse for causing people in their lives pain. They often blame their victims for having caused their own victimization (“You wouldn’t get yelled at if you weren’t so stupid!”).
In addition, many narcissists and gaslighters have unpredictable mood swings and are prone to emotional drama — you never know what might displease them and set them off. They become upset at any signs of independence and self-affirmation (“Who do you think you are!?”). They turn agitated if you disagree with their views or fail to meet their expectations. As mentioned earlier, they are sensitive to criticism, but quick to judge others. By keeping you down and making you feel inferior, they boost their fragile ego, and feel more reassured about themselves.
A Characteristic of the Narcissist
Taken from an article written by Preston Ni M.S.B.A.
2. Rarely Admit Flaws and Are Highly Aggressive When Criticized
Many narcissists and gaslighters have thin skin and can react poorly when called to account for their negative behavior. When challenged, the narcissist is likely to either fight (e.g., temper tantrum, excuse-making, denial, blame, hypersensitivity, etc.) or take flight (bolt out the door, avoidance, silent treatment, sulking resentment, or other forms of passive-aggression). The gaslighter nearly always resorts to escalation by doubling or tripling down on their false accusations or coercions, to intimidate or oppress their opponent. Many gaslighters view relationships as inherently competitive rather than collaborative; a zero-sum game where one is either a winner or a loser, on top or at the bottom. “Offense is the best defense” is a mantra for many gaslighters, which also represents their aggressive method of relating to people.
2. Rarely Admit Flaws and Are Highly Aggressive When Criticized
Many narcissists and gaslighters have thin skin and can react poorly when called to account for their negative behavior. When challenged, the narcissist is likely to either fight (e.g., temper tantrum, excuse-making, denial, blame, hypersensitivity, etc.) or take flight (bolt out the door, avoidance, silent treatment, sulking resentment, or other forms of passive-aggression). The gaslighter nearly always resorts to escalation by doubling or tripling down on their false accusations or coercions, to intimidate or oppress their opponent. Many gaslighters view relationships as inherently competitive rather than collaborative; a zero-sum game where one is either a winner or a loser, on top or at the bottom. “Offense is the best defense” is a mantra for many gaslighters, which also represents their aggressive method of relating to people.
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