Praise is For God

Many years ago the Lord warned me about the self esteem teaching that became standard operating practice in all the public school systems. When our children came home with papers talking about loving themselves, I quickly sprang into lecture mode to show them that loving themselves was not the objective in life. Sadly, we see that we have lost the next generation, they have been infected with the pride monster, the public schools managed to ruin an entire generation of people who now become angry when they are correct or simply not worshiped.

Even more disturbing than the public schools fostering this form of self worship, the churches began to teach it too, in many different forms, from excessive praise to absence of clear correction.

When I would explain to church goers that self esteem was not of God, they argued bitterly with me on the subject and treated me with contempt for the assertion that man was not created to love himself, but rather to love God. Before I was proficient in the Scriptures, I knew this self esteem teaching was evil and worse, devastating to spiritual well being. Those who knew the Bible better than I did, didn't seem to know this was wrong.

This morning I heard a secular "family expert", explaining all the damage this self esteem teaching has done to children and that it has created a firestorm of narcissism out of control. Sadly, the church has not learned this yet, but the secular counselors are coming to the conclusion based on what they are seeing in our culture. Those who are infected with the disease of narcissism are incapable of loving anyone, they lack empathy, kindness and self reflection.

Disrespect for authority and elders has become commonplace, while disregard for them entirely has increased.

For years we have been hearing "good job" every time a child performed the slightest act of obedience. If a child was told to tie their shoe, the were praised. When a child brought in the groceries, they were excessively praised and even rewarded with a special treat for doing what should have been an act of duty gone unnoticed. A simple thank you should have sufficed, but the parent desiring to be seen as an encourager, lavished excessive praise, notice it is more for their own good feelings than it is for what the child needs.

The children have learned to expect praise even when they do not perform as they should. Teachers have given good marks simply because the child turned in their work it didn't matter if the assignment was done well, only that it was done at all.

All of this excessive praise has created an attitude of entitlement. Many people expect to be noticed and praised for the slightest good deed or job done well. When I see the videos on Youtube, following a good deed doer around, filming this good deed doer taking care of the needs of the homeless, I feel ill. If a good deed doer really is concerned about the homeless, they will do it without anyone's notice and no fan fare.

We can tell when someone is loving genuinely, they don't wait for a special occasion or outward sign in front of others for their acts of kindness. Those who love the Lord feel no need to be praised for their deeds, they are content to just be in obedience to the Lord.

When praise is constant, the child tunes out the parents, not valuing the praise even becoming contemptuous of it because even a child knows when something is fake. Soon the child begins to distrust other things the parent says.

Think about it.....how many times do you hear "good job" in reference to a child in your town when you are out and about? I hear it all the time, it is becoming almost nauseating. Children need to be taught to do good acts regularly without being noticed. When they open a door for an elderly person, it should be enough for the child to know that they did what was right and blessed someone else.

The temptation to praise a child constantly is a demon we must resist. We have all been so brainwashed into what we call "encouragement" that we forget what true encouragement looks like.

It is encouraging a child when we teach the right thing to do and explain that they are capable of doing what is right, they must choose to do the right thing over following their own personal desires.

It is encouragement to tell a child "you can do a better job than that, go and redo it."

As a culture we have misunderstood praise as encouragement. Praise does not help those who are learning. When we instruct a child to do something and they do it, then we can say; "you did that right, keep going."

Teaching our children to love and expect praise is indulging their inner selfishness. Praise is like a drug, the more we get the more we want, it should be used sparingly with honesty and integrity.

We might want to do a Bible study on praise, I notice that all the verses concerning praise have to do with our attitude toward God, praising Him.

John 12:41-43
"41 Isaiah was referring to Jesus when he said this, because he saw the future and spoke of the Messiah’s glory. 42 Many people did believe in him, however, including some of the Jewish leaders. But they wouldn’t admit it for fear that the Pharisees would expel them from the synagogue. 43 For they loved human praise more than the praise of God."

Our culture has praised ad nauseam for many years now, not to help the child but to appear as a good parent in the eyes of the world. It was all about appearances for the parent rather than the well being of the child.

My hope is that believers will open their eyes to this deception before they ruin their children through the false teaching of self esteem.

The kindest thing we can do for our children is teach them confidence, that they can obey and follow Christ and the rewards from God that occur when they do this. They will live much more fulfilled lives when they are capable of learning if they are not arrogant.

Self esteem fosters arrogance and arrogance impedes learning, after all, if a child thinks they are already wonderful no matter what they do, they have no need to learn, they can just "follow their feelings." This thinking will cause them to be ignorant and foolish their entire lives.

Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;"

Proverbs 12:1 "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, But he who hates reproof is stupid."