I praised the Lord today for revealing something to me in a book I have been reading, that I had been thinking about for some time. I have been dealing with people who have idolized others, seeing only the good in them and refusing to see the negative side of their character.
I have said in the past that if we refuse to see a person with all their warts and say we love them, that is not true love. There are people who cannot love someone unless they can see them as perfect. They only love, if the person measures up to their idea of perfection.
Everyone has a good and a bad side, we all struggle with many things every day, that do not measure up to God's standard. Those who can only love someone who delights them in the way the desire to be delighted, does not love.
I once told someone who was idolizing their father, that they did not love their father. This person was astonished that I would say such a thing, after all in his eyes his father could do no wrong. He loved all that his father did, admired his earthly accomplishments and felt a sense of prestige being in his presence.
But what if the father had not had that wonderful history of accomplishments? What if that father had big fat warts or what if that father had secret sins that came out later, that no one knew about, my guess is that the son would not be able to love the father. In other words, the love was not based on sharing life, getting through the tough stuff together, but rather based on the father measuring up to the perceived standards and ideals of the child.
When we only see all good in someone, how could we ever pray for the things that need work? We do not pray diligently for anyone we think is already godlike. We tend to pray for those who we think NEED prayer.
This same young person had a practice of catering to his father while negating his mother. He had only glowing words to say always to and about his father, but had only criticism for his mother, as though his mother had nothing good to offer over all her years. She had a different personality than the father and cared deeply about the welfare of the son, but the son could not see it, mainly because the mother had no prestige in the world.
When we must see someone as perfect, to love them, then it follows that we must think we are perfect, after all we accept ourselves, the way we accept our godlike person. Elevating ourselves above any other human being is pride and very likely a person like this could never have a burden for lost souls, after all those icky people don't measure up.
Picking and choosing our favorite people based on their accomplishments or personalities is mean at best and ruinous to our own soul. The more we see people this way, as tools for our use to elevate ourselves, the less we love and the more selfish we become.
James 2:9 "But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors."
There was terrible and covert contempt for the mother, while a worship like stance toward the father. Neither of these postures is love. Love cares deeply about us when we are our real selves. When our parent falls we can say openly and honestly, they fell, and crouch in prayer deeply concerned for them. When we dispose of someone because they do not measure up to our godlike expectations, we have no love, only contempt. When we maintain a godlike stance toward someone, we do not love them, we only love our skewed and twisted idea of who they are, not their whole self, it is not the real them, the real them has many sides and they are not all good.
We hurt someone deeply who is the object of this sort of favoritism and dismissiveness. We harm not only the one who we are contemptuous of, but also the one we idolize.
To love the way God loves us, we must accept the whole person, with all their warts and flaws. Helping them through the tough times, loving them through the falls and missteps. Compassion, caring and empathy is the way of the truly born again believer. We can only develop this kindness through prayer, asking God to make us what we should be.
Ephesians 4:2 "With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,"
If we love based on personality and accomplishments, or enough good works, it is not love at all.
Romans 12:10 "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor;"
1 John 3:14 "We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death."
Romans 12:10 "Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor."
1 John 3:16 "By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers."
Romans 2:11 "For there is no partiality with God."
When we use accomplishments to evaluate whether or not a person measures up, our view of salvation is in error. God has accepted us with our flaws, covering them with His blood, even the one who favors others had to have their sins covered in the blood, how arrogant to think that they did not need the covering to be accepted by God, or so they must think, since they cannot see their godlike favorite as needing the blood covering of Christ.
When we know every person, including our self, was rotten to the core before we were born again, we could never look at another human being as unworthy of our love or God's love. And, we could never see any human being as better than another.
I prefer the company of people who knew what they were before they were born again, in all their flaws, to those who believe they were worthy and deserving of better than everyone else.
1 John 4:20-21 "If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother."
1 John 2:10 "Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling."
May the Lord remind us daily from whence we came, what Christ did, focusing on Him and His mercy, setting aside any thought of how good we think we are, remembering it is only Christ Who is good.
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