Why do the unrepentant not receive forgiveness, simply because they don't want to do what is necessary to receive it.
James 4:2-3 "2 You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures."
One of the tactics of narcissists is to feign sorrow over their offenses without any real remorse in their hearts. We know when someone is confessing to gain back control, they will act angry if we don't jump right back into the relationship. A truly sorrowful person, ashamed of what they did will not expect to be re-established, but will humbly accept whatever comes after their act of contrition.
When someone has been denied access to us after they have flippantly pretended sorrow, their reaction to their victim wanting to wait to see if it is real, will be to become angry as though their display of pretend sorrow over their sin should obligate us to re-establish the relationship. When we see this anger we know that the confession was still completely about themselves and nothing about hurting us.
A truly repentant person will remain humble no matter what response they get. They will feel empathy toward their victim, deeply saddened that they harmed someone else. They will graciously understand that there is time needed to show that the sorrow was real and the change is a permanent one, of course depending on the gravity of the offense. In the case of sexual abuse there may not and often should not be a re-establishing of the relationship unless there have been many years passed that show the offender has a completely different life now, so much so that all their companions are strong and godly believers.
I would find it terribly offensive if someone came to chastise me for not forgiving the one who did a terrible evil and remain the same person they were when they did the crime.
Forgiveness is not an evangelistic tool to get people to like Christ. It is a step in the reconciliation of a relationship when the perpetrator is deeply sorrowful over their sin. We cannot have one without the other they are a team.......repentance and then forgiveness, in that order, any other system based on human psychology is of the devil and only serves to thwart God's design for relationships.
We must stop thinking in terms of doing everything for ourselves based on how it makes us feel and begin praying to understand why God commanded confession and it's companion forgiveness. One without the other is moot, they are a perfect team.
2 Corinthians 7:9 "I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful, but that you were made sorrowful to the point of repentance; for you were made sorrowful according to the will of God, so that you might not suffer loss in anything through us."
Far too many people are letting sinners off the hook to feel better about themselves momentarily while helping to solidify the freedom for the perp to continue to indulge in their sin without benefit of conscience.
It is not love to make a sinful person feel good about you when it also tends to make them feel safe in their sin too. These people need to see the seriousness of their sin so that they will sense a need for Christ. YES, they actually need to feel bad about themselves.
The only reason we are obsessed with avoiding "bad feelings" is because we have been taught all our lives that we should foster "self esteem" in everyone, the error that making bad people feel better about themselves will cause them to act properly, is silly at best.
We have seen the way our culture has gone, we have fewer productive people and greater numbers of people who feel a sense of entitlement than ever before. They have been raised on self esteem, that they should be allowed to do anything and everything they want no matter who it hurts without restraint or correction. They are praised Ad nauseam, no matter how badly they act. They are rewarded for the smallest things as if everything they do is praise worthy no matter how insignificant.
The "easy forgivism" has produced a generation of people who now believe they are "entitled" to forgiveness and all the perks that go with having been forgiven, no matter what their attitude or actions. They have no sense that anything has to change in their life to be acceptable in society, nor do they make any effort to put themselves in the shoes of others they have harmed.
And, we wonder why narcissism is growing, so much so that even the seculars are beginning to see the mess we have created. It is high time we begin to tell the truth about this false "easy forgivism" and begin to do things God's way.
Luke 7:3 ""Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and IF HE REPENTS, forgive him."
We are to forgive as Christ forgives us, and that is through repentance and confession first and then forgiveness is extended.
James 5:16
"Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much."
We cannot grow in holiness as long as we refuse to admit our sin. God will not move us forward if we hold stubbornness in our hearts.
Often we miss blessings that God has for us because we will not humble ourselves.
James 4:10
"Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up."
1 John 1:9
"IF WE CONFESS our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
If you will not confess you are a sinner in need of a Savior, you will not be forgiven nor will you gain heaven. Our personal relationships are that way too, if we do not confess to one another the relationships will not be reconciled.
It is not bad news, it's good news, when we confess we are forgiven. We only make it bad news because we refuse to confess out of pride.
Perhaps those who teach forgiveness without repentance worry that one day they will want forgiveness but they don't want to have to humble themselves to confess.
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