Distraction Prevents Learning

There has been a practice that I have long disagreed with but find it difficult to meet anyone else who agrees with my thinking. 

The practice of diverting a child's attention when he is engaged in mean spirited play with another child, is common.  I have seen this often, one child will walk up and begin to take away another child's toy while the victim cries and holds tightly to his toy, a parent quickly steps in with another toy to distract the child with the new toy, rather than teaching empathy and kindness, they merely cause the child to think they no longer want the toy of their victim.

The reason I have always disagreed with this, is that when we distract a child, we have managed to avoid a fight, give the naughty child a reward for his attempted rudeness while giving the mean child more attention than the victim.  I realize the motivation behind this is to avoid all arguments, fights and bad feelings. 

But keep in mind that when we pay more attention in a positive way to the naughty child, the victim is basically ignored.  The victim had a struggle, the feelings were hurt, he was unjustly treated, but he is not comforted.

The proper thing to do, is teach the bully to give back the toy, say they are sorry and give comfort to the victim.  A child does not learn empathy and kindness when they are led to believe they must be distracted from doing evil, that they don't have to do anything they don't choose to do, there must be something in it for them. 

Americans don't realize how much they are training this generation to be selfish bullies by distracting them rather than disciplining and training them, by making them do the right thing. 

Lack of proper training and instruction perpetuates rudeness, thoughtlessness and lack of empathy for others.  Our culture has been so busy praising their children for normal insignificant things, so much so that the child is angry and vengeful when they are not being the center of attention, lavished with excessive amounts of admiration. 

It makes sense that children would gravitate toward the adults that heap accolades on them ad nauseum. Those who require accountability for their actions followed by instruction are treated with contempt as though they have done something wrong. 

I find this situation very backward and sad, that those who are attempting to do what is best for children will be devalued in the minds of the children and it will be the adults around them doing it. 
What to do about this?   I JUST DON'T KNOW, except to say that we do what we should in training when possible and walk away from those who are enabling children to be naughty.  If we have an opportunity to visit alone with the children, we can execute boundaries and standards at our home, but chances are good that the children will go home and resume where they left off with their parents. 

Children and even adults often take the path of least resistance for the sake of the love of their children.  It isn't very important any more whether or not something is good for a child, what takes center stage is what they want "right now." 

Is there any wonder we are seeing a dramatic increase in narcissism in our day, where standards are demeaned and mocked, while casual thinking is embraced and elevated.

Our families need a lot of prayer that the Lord would help the parents see the seriousness of the small actions and attitudes we take in raising children. Children are trained by every little thing, the big things don't come around very often, it is in the little things in everyday life,  that are opportunities for important life lessons.