Some very good people raised in terrible homes do not become narcissists. AND, some bad people were raised in good environments do not become narcissists.
We are not animals who respond to stimuli, we are human beings who make our choices based on our inner heart.
There is no formula, it's a matter of choices people make in response to their life situations.
I have met bad people who were given good family environments who blamed the standards of the family on their "strict" homes, for their choices to act badly. I saw those homes and they were not "too strict", they were merely normal caring parents who had boundaries for their children.
One child in a good environment will rebel and live horribly, while others in that same family choose righteously and well.
When we attempt to apply principles from psychology based on evolution of "cause and effect", we make a very grave mistake. This mentality tends to coddle evil doers, thinking they are in pain when they are not only, not in pain, they are the abusers who cause pain.
Everyone is responsible for their own choices and responses to life. Sadly many people who do act like animals, losing control over the unkind treatment in our culture, or perceiving something as unkind when it was not, give themselves excuses.
Our Lord teaches that we are to ignore our feelings that are natural, never executing revenge. God tells us not to treat others badly in response to their ill treatment of us. We can tell the truth, explain the need to stop abusing others, even give consequences but we are never to exact revenge on anyone.
Romans 12:18-20 "…18 If it is possible on your part, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 On the contrary, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. For in so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
We have God's permission and even a command to remove ourselves from those who act badly and are not sorry for their actions. Those who are not sorry will continue causing trouble whenever they can get away with it.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 “Difficult Times Will Come” 3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."
Truth and consequences only work on those who have a conscience. When there is no conscience present for bad behavior, then there will be revenge on the part of the narcissist. Their goal is to punish us so that we will end up acting badly, thereby excusing themselves for their own evil behavior.
As believers we have all the necessary instructions in the Bible to help us know how to handle those who are disobedient and rebellious against God.
Matthew 7:16-20 "16 You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? 17 Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Therefore by their fruits you will know them."
Our hope and prayer is that the Lord will help us to respond in a godly manner to all the circumstances around us rather than reacting to the manipulations of others.
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