Narcissists have a need for others to be bad so they can feel good.
When it is important to someone to be special or above others, we are watching an excessive pride that can never admit anything needs work in themselves, this is why they never grow emotionally or spiritually.
Secure and mature human beings are able to easily say, "wow that was a dumb thing I did", in reference to their own missteps.
It is only when we can laugh at ourselves while freely admitting mistakes that we can grow in all areas of our life.
This is why flattery is so dangerous, not to mention inauthentic. It praises the ego in a person removing the desire for the person being flattered, to improve themselves. This is why we have so many people today who cannot tolerate correction, they are not used to admitting their own failures. Their life experience has been one of continual praise and personal glory, as the kids say, "just to encourage them."
The culture has lost the meaning of encouragement. They use that word in place of praise. They are not encouraging people to work harder or improve, they are simply praising them for doing something at all, no matter how inferior the work may be, just doing it brings adulation (excessive praise).
Encouragement is the act of showing the right direction and helping to walk in it. I might be encouraging my children in their homework by instructing them to do it right and turn it in on time. This encouragement produces productivity and excellence.
Praise has little value, even causing laziness in the one who is praised. If a child is praised for tying his shoe, even if it is messy, then he will feel no need to become excellent in the execution of the task. Praise is nothing more than flattery.
Proverbs 29:5
"A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet."
Flattery keeps the person it is directed at, satisfied with shoddy workmanship. It is a stumbling block to productivity. Even worse is flattery about our appearance diverts the attention of our friends from important things to the superficial.
Encouragement to the child in the shoe tying might be when we see that it is messy, we would tell him he needs to try again for it to be tidier. This is conveying to the child that we know they can do the job well, it just takes practice. When we praise when something is not done well, then we are sending the message that we don't think they are capable of anything better so we just give up on them and let them be sloppy. And, I do believe children can see lazy flattery to gain the love of the child, it creates anger in them.
One of the ways we were taught in school when I was a child, in this matter of excellence, was in penmanship. We had to practice and receive a grade in penmanship class, but not only in that class, every paper was evaluated in terms of our penmanship, even in math. If the teacher could not read our writing then we had points removed for poor penmanship. That's why we not only worked hard to develop every subject, we also took note of our penmanship in order to receive a good grade.
For those who are young enough that they don't know the meaning of the word "penmanship", here is the definition; "the art or skill of writing by hand." Everything in elementary school, after second grace and into high school was done in long hand, that is cursive. When someone has learned cursive proficiently they can write much faster than those who print their letters individually, not to mention the beauty of the art of cursive writing.
For those of you who were not trained in cursive writing, here is that definition; "rapid handwriting in which letters are set down in full and are cursively connected within words without lifting the writing implement from the paper."
Teaching cursive and penmanship in school develops a sense of discipline and excellence that is missing from the lives of many young people today. Having to practice at something until it is beautiful will develop a mentality of working that hard at everything we do. It is more than a beautiful way of writing, it is a mindset of excellence that becomes a habit in every area of our lives.
When we expect excellence in the work of our children, we train them to focus on the task and not on themselves. When we are excessively focused on self we will do things for the easy praise rather than the creation that is excellent.
Everything becomes about a product well made or a job well done when our mind is on the work. When this is the goal, then the very good feeling of a job well done is enough, we don't even need the notice of others, we are satisfied in the work itself.
Colossians 3:23
"Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,"
The more we obey and please God, the less we need the praise of men to carry on in our walk with the Lord. Our lives are about the Lord and the job we have to do, not whether men will like us.
No comments:
Post a Comment