Wednesday, July 25, 2018

The True Nature of Friendship

God knows this principle well:
Even the kind acts of the narcissist feels like obligation.

I remember as a Catholic there were days that were mandated for all Catholics to go to church. Perhaps a special dead saints day or some other designated by the pope day, that was called "The holy day of obligation."

Many Catholics would attend a mass to fulfill their obligation without any sense of enthusiasm for God or the event itself. They often said things like; "we have an holy obligation tomorrow, I have to be there." Notice they never said things like; "I am so excited about worshiping God today."

Amos 5:21-23
21 “I hate, I reject your festivals,
Nor do I [a]delight in your solemn assemblies.
22 “Even though you offer up to Me burnt offerings and your grain offerings,
I will not accept them;
And I will not even look at the peace offerings of your fatlings.
23 “Take away from Me the noise of your songs;
I will not even listen to the sound of your harps."

Those who observe the "holy day of obligation", never speak of Christ or His principles, they merely fulfill their obligation to be there as mandated by man.

Most who fulfill their holy day of obligation have no desire to learn about God, to sing His praises or to acknowledge all that He did for them. They recite empty words give to them by others without much thought as to what they are saying. I know this because when I was a Catholic I began to ask why we did things in the mass. The answer always came back, we should not ask we should just obey.

The desire to know God was absent in these masses. The desire to obey Christ or inquire about their daily lives was also absent. There was a sense of relief after each day of obligation was fulfilled, but never any real peace and never fellowship with Christ.

This mentality of "holy days of obligation", also play out in personal relationships. People will send their parents or their co-workers gifts on their birthday but show little interest in them the entire rest of the year. They have fulfilled their obligation to make themselves feel good about giving a gift, but have never grown to know the person that received their gift.

Anyone who has been the recipient of these obligatory gifts knows how it feels to receive a gift from someone who has shown no interest in them any other time of the year.

The gift may be a way to relieve any guilt from lack of attention to a friend, or it may be a way of making themselves feel good, reliving them of all responsibility to actually become a good friend.

My personal take on gift giving, is that it should never be done to make ourselves feel good or better about our own mistreatment of someone. Gift giving out to flow out of a sense of connection with the one we love.

There were gifts given in political situations to build alliances, but is that really what we want for our personal relationships, a gift given to get something out of us?

Isaiah 29:13
"And the Lord said: “Because this people draw near with their mouth and honor me with their lips, while their hearts are far from me, and their fear of me is a commandment taught by men,"

Very few people make an effort to get to know another person, how they think, what they think and what in life has affected them. Most people in our culture today seek to be friendly for their own need to have people in their lives.

Perhaps is it good for all of us to rethink our dedication to God and the love and kindness that draws two people to know one another.

Elisha refused to leave the side of Elijah when asked to stay behind. The protection and life of his friend was more important to him than his own comfort.

Job's three friends sat with him for a time silently to console him after which they began to lecture him about things they had no knowledge. They attempted to convince Job that he must have sinned for God to be so angry with him. Their judgement was harsh and untrue. Who needs friends like these. The best friends are those who believe you, console you and walk through with you.

Job's friends started out right, just sitting there with him while he suffered was good, however they messed up when they began to try to figure out what they didn't know about.

Job 42:7 "7 After the Lord had spoken these words to Job, the Lord said to Eliphaz the Temanite: “My anger burns against you and against your two friends, for you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has."

God was angry with Job's friends for their false judgments about Job's suffering.

God has a lesson for Job and for all of us in his suffering, but it was not because he had sinned, but to show the loyalty a man or woman of God can have in the face of great suffering.

Judging the events of someone else's life without knowing the mind of God brings many friendships to an end and displeases God.

Sometimes we must choose to be satisfied not knowing why things are happening in order to act properly toward a friend.

Guessing what might be happening to a friend without a clear word of God never solves anything, it merely elevates those who do the guessing.



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