We have no right to forgive those whom God has not forgiven. He only forgives when there is confession of sin, only then can forgiveness be given. To forgive someone who is not sorry, even convincing themselves they did nothing wrong, are preventing their own forgiveness. God said "if they come to confess" then forgive.
When someone has not expressed brokenness over their sin, even justifying it, they are not forgiven.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 "3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these.
" Notice verse 5, "avoid men as these." We can love people from afar by our prayers but no where in the Word do we see that we have to remain in relationship with evil and mean people.
We are to leave mean people to God while we move on to healthy relationships.
We become free from the narcissist the day we realize that we are not obligated to keep them close to us. Nor are we obligated to put up with their jealousies and nonsense.
Jesus Christ rebuked the pharisees, calling them white washed tombs and then He moved on. He did not remain in their lives hoping to influence them and He never forgave them.
Luke 11:42-54
42 “But woe to you Pharisees! For you pay tithe of mint and rue and every kind of garden herb, and yet disregard justice and the love of God; but these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others.
43 Woe to you Pharisees! For you love the chief seats in the synagogues and the respectful greetings in the market places. 44 Woe to you! For you are like concealed tombs, and the people who walk over them are unaware of it.”
45 One of the lawyers *said to Him in reply, “Teacher, when You say this, You insult us too.”
46 But He said, “Woe to you lawyers as well! For you weigh men down with burdens hard to bear, while you yourselves will not even touch the burdens with one of your fingers.
47 Woe to you! For you build the tombs of the prophets, and it was your fathers who killed them.
48 So you are witnesses and approve the deeds of your fathers; because it was they who killed them, and you build their tombs. 49 For this reason also the wisdom of God said, ‘I will send to them prophets and apostles, and some of them they will kill and some they will persecute,
50 so that the blood of all the prophets, shed since the foundation of the world, may be charged against this generation, 51 from the blood of Abel to the blood of Zechariah, who was killed between the altar and the house of God; yes, I tell you, it shall be charged against this generation.’
52 Woe to you lawyers! For you have taken away the key of knowledge; you yourselves did not enter, and you hindered those who were entering.”
53 When He left there, the scribes and the Pharisees began to be very hostile and to question Him closely on many subjects,
54 plotting against Him to catch Him in something He might say."
The Pharisees hated Christ because of His rebuke. Because of their hatred they sought to find something to hold against Him. Nothing they found was true, it was all lies and yet their hatred drove them to find something, anything at all. They managed to accuse Him of bad things when the things He did were good. They said He healed by the power of the devil when they were acting in the power of the devil.
When Christ was dying on the cross He asked the Father to extend forgiveness to those who did not know what they were doing. God extended forgiveness to the world at that time, but there was a condition. That condition was that they confess their sinfulness and believe on Christ as the sacrifice and payment for their sin.
If someone has been extended forgiveness but rejects it through justification of their sin or refusal to admit they have sinned, then they do not receive forgiveness. Remaining friends with a wicked person does not change them, but it might change us into being like them. As believers we desire to be able to forgive when the confession come but the offender will not be allowed forgiveness without confession.
1 Corinthians 15:33 " 33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
Isaiah 26:10 ". 10 Though grace is shown to the wicked man, he does not learn righteousness. In the land of righteousness he acts unjustly and fails to see the majesty of the LORD. "
We must stop forgiving those who refuse to be repentant, it only empowers their bad behavior. We are enablers when we do not require contrition for offenses. We are not better Christians when we let everyone off the hook just so we feel better about ourselves.
Forgiveness is not for ourselves, its for the relationship when the other party confesses, then is when a relationship can be reconciled. When someone does not care if the relationship is reconciled God's way, then they are not friend material.
God wants us to surround ourselves with those who love God and desire to walk in righteousness. Those who refuse to confess, even becoming angry when confronted, are not desiring righteousness, their goal is domination and pretend they are something they are not. Their dilution is that they never do anything that requires confession.
Proverbs 28:13
"Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper,
but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy."
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