The Calvinist View of Marriage

A very Calvinist view of marriage is the concept that a woman should obey her husband even when he asks her to do sinful and wicked things.

The Calvinists believe that woman basically have no will of her own, she is validated by her obedience to her husband even if he is sinning or asking her to sin.

Romans 6:12-14
“Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts. And do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace.”

This passage in Roman is given to all believers men and women alike.

A good example of this is when a man once told me that he counseled a young woman, a new believer, that she should look at pornographic videos with her unsaved husband because he was the head of the household and she must obey Him.

The Calvinists believe that God is the author of sin and if someone sins it was His will that they sin for His purposes therefore sin is tolerated as the will of God.

To obey a man who is our authority, even at a job when they ask us to sin flies in the face of God's commands to obey Him.

When anyone places their authority, husband or work place boss, above the authority of God they are engaging in idolatry.

God used the evil choices of men to accomplish His will but He never commands us to sin in obedience to any man.

When a woman stands before the Lord on judgment day she alone will be accountable for her own choices. God is not going to ask her if her husband made her sin. No one makes anyone else sin not even God. Anyone who sins chooses that sin to avoid the conflict that will come if the wicked husband or boss is unhappy that we did not sin with him.

Ananias and Sapphira were good examples of this principle. Sapphira went along with her husband in lying to the Holy Spirit. She did not protest her husbands decision to sin, even embracing it for self glory.

Acts 5:1-11 "5 But a man named Ananias, with his wife Sapphira, sold a piece of property,
2 and kept back some of the price for himself, with his wife’s full knowledge, and bringing a portion of it, he laid it at the apostles’ feet.
3 But Peter said, “Ananias, why has Satan filled your heart to lie to the Holy Spirit and to keep back some of the price of the land? 4 While it remained unsold, did it not remain your own? And after it was sold, was it not under your control? Why is it that you have conceived this deed in your heart? You have not lied to men but to God.”
5 And as he heard these words, Ananias fell down and breathed his last; and great fear came over all who heard of it.
6 The young men got up and covered him up, and after carrying him out, they buried him.
7 Now there elapsed an interval of about three hours, and his wife came in, not knowing what had happened.
8 And Peter responded to her, “Tell me whether you sold the land for such and such a price?” And she said, “Yes, that was the price.”
9 Then Peter said to her, “Why is it that you have agreed together to put the Spirit of the Lord to the test? Behold, the feet of those who have buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out as well.”
10 And immediately she fell at his feet and breathed her last, and the young men came in and found her dead, and they carried her out and buried her beside her husband.
11 And great fear came over the whole church, and over all who heard of these things."

Ananias and Sappira were not killed by God for selling the land for a particular price. They had a choice how much to sell it for and how much to give to God. They were killed for lying in their attempt to impress others with their giving.

Sappira was held accountable for her own choice to follow her husband's deception.

A man who demands unthinking obedience to him is not a godly man. He is a narcissist who loves his power over others even if that power destroys the spiritual well being of his wife.

There is no strength of character in having the power to control others. True spiritual strength is the ability to teach the truth in love while allowing others to make their own decision. To force others through intimidation, mocking and even physical abuse is bullying and condemned by God.

Any woman who chooses to obey a wicked husband over the commands of God has a weak faith as well as a desire to be loved of man more than a desire to please God.

Avoidance of the consequences of doing what is right is weakness and lacks the faith to obey God even when one is hated or persecuted for doing so.

The Mormons, Islam and Calvinism all teach coercion rather than the personal choice to obey God. These are cults, false religions that do not teach leading by example as the Bible teaches, rather these cults teach absolute obedience to man without regard to God.

It is wicked for any man to place his wife in a position of violating her conscience in regard to sin. Any man who would do this is deeply sinful himself.

Ephesians 5:25-33
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her,
26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.
28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
30 because we are members of His body.
31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband."

Using a wife to be able to have everything they want is not the love God speaks of in Ephesians. Loving a wife is dedication to her well being spiritually as well as physically. Dominating her to do things she does not want to do is not love. Each one must make their own choice.

If a wife does not want to obey truth then the man is to pray, no where does the Bible teach he is to coerce, mock, demean or manipulate his wife to do anything. This is wickedness of the worst sort. Let it be clear too that a spouse who does not show respect to the wife's parents is showing disrespect to the wife.

And, a wife who does not show respect to a husband's family is also showing disrespect to the husband.

Honor and respect is for everyone, not just those we like because they elevate us personally. Treating everyone with respect is godly, choosing who to treat with respect based on personal preferences is sin.