What so many Christians do not realize is that correction and confession of sin is necessary and it is love. No one will grow in Christ or be cleansed who will not be sorry enough to confess. As believers in Christ our ultimate goal is to lead people back to the principles of Christ that help those in sin.
1 John 1:9
"9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
The world and the devil have lied to discourage people from accountability. We know that requiring accountability and confession is best for the offender, if they will repent.
Repenting and confessing are the most important things but the devil has made forgiveness more important, leaving the sinner in their sin further empowering and enabling them to go deeper into sin.
The psychologists make forgiving look like the kindness placing "feelings" more important than truth that resolves problems. Its similar to when the head house keeper is training a new house keeper to sweep the dirt under the carpet so that it is not seen, rather than seeking out the dirt to gather it into a dust pan and toss it out of the house so that it is no longer in the house at all. When the dirt is swept under the rug it remains in the house ready to infect others with the disease it carries. Not only will the dirt remain in the house it will work its way out from under the rug to fly all over the house.
Does a doctor put a bandaide on gapping wound and tell the patient to go home and take an aspirin? No the doctor cleans the wound, even cutting into it to get to the healthy tissue and then places medicines on it, telling the patient to allow it to heal. The instructions to the patient is to do nothing that would reopen the wound allowing it to heal correctly. Time and care is necessary to allow wounds to heal.
In the case of relationships the problem must be addressed, the salve of the word of God applied and actions after that will allow for healing.
If the offender will not listen or repent then the only way to heal is to remove ourselves until the offender is ready to listen and reconcile.
1 Corinthians 5:6-8 "…6 Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven works through the whole batch of dough? 7 Get rid of the old yeast, that you may be a new unleavened batch, as you really are. For Christ, our Passover lamb, has been sacrificed. 8 Therefore let us keep the feast, not with the old bread, leavened with malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and of truth.…"
There are those who boast about how much they forgive unrepentant offenders, this is selfish lacking the wisdom of God to understand that our own feelings are never the goal in any transaction. The good of the other person comes before our own feelings of goodness.
Superficial reconciliation is not a cure for a bad relationship. All this does is to prolong the problems, even growing them to become worse. There is no concern about the offender, only for feelings of superiority.
Galatians 5:7-10 "7 You were running well; who hindered you from obeying the truth?
8 This persuasion did not come from Him who calls you.
9 A little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough.
10 I have confidence in you in the Lord that you will adopt no other view; but the one who is disturbing you will bear his judgment, whoever he is. "
When we attempt to discuss a matter with a sinning brother or sister and they refuse, then they are responsible for their refusal. If we do not approach them for a discussion then we bear the responsibility for not seeking a solution.
We cannot fix all relationships, in fact in our day most people will not discuss problems, they see a discussion as a personal attack rather than the love that wants to fix the relationship.
We cannot fix a person, they must want to hear the problem and pray about it. We can foster a fix for the relationship by addressing it, but only if the offender wants to be reconciled.
Sadly in our day most people do not want reconciliation, the only want to be allowed to act any way they please without accountability. This is the reason we see little spiritual growth in the world and now even in the church.
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