Forgiveness is not for us, it is for the sake of one who is sorrowful over their sin and for the reconciliation of the relationship.
Forgiveness is for the reconciliation of the relationship. We are not required to forgive someone who is not sorry, the relationship remains broken when there has not been a confession. Superficial forgiveness is worldly not from God's Word.
Superficial forgiveness damages further the one who offended. Those who are not sorry and are treated as though they did nothing wrong do often further harden their hearts.
1 John 1:9
"9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
Notice the word "IF" we confess! There are conditions to salvation and there are conditions to forgiveness. God will not forgive those who reject Him and the truth. We are not to superficially forgive to make ourselves feel better.
Ephesians 4:31-32 "…31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, outcry and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and tender-hearted to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you."
Requiring confession brings necessary accountability to the one who sins against us. IF they are not willing to confess then they are not willing to change their behavior and the relationship cannot be restored.
God is for restoration, not mere feelings. God does not punish a person who withholds forgiveness from those who don't even want it. He commands us to get away from a wicked man, even to turn them over to the devil at times to be buffetted by the devil so they will repent.
Isaiah 26:10 "10 Though grace is shown to the wicked man, he does not learn righteousness. In the land of righteousness, he acts unjustly and fails to see the majesty of the LORD."
Forgiving someone who is not sorry is selfish, it elevates self but does nothing to help the sinner to repent. If a sinner will not be sorry and the relationship ends then that is on the sinner not on the one who wanted to fix the relationship or help in the character growth of one who is stubborn. Superficial forgiveness fixes nothing, it only serves to make someone "feel" better for themselves.
Isaiah 26:10 "10Though grace is shown to the wicked man, he does not learn righteousness. In the land of righteousness, he acts unjustly and fails to see the majesty of the LORD. "
Our modern idea of forgiving without confession comes from psychology, not God. It enables many people to remain wicked without having to think about their actions. Consequences are important. If we love others we will help them learn to be better people through the teaching of God's Word.
Because of the modern idea that we should forgive everyone who is not sorry, evil has grown unabated while wicked people feel empowered to continue their sin. There is an entitlement mentality that others are obligated to put up with their evil, even endorse it so the wicked man is not offended. Never mind all the others this evil person has harmed.
Should we say then that all criminals, murderers, thieves, and rapists should be forgiven without ever going to jail? This would, of course, be silly, but that's pretty much the idea behind forgiving someone who still loves their sin.
IF anyone would say, of course, all these criminals should go to jail. Wait a minute, if criminals should go to jail and we know that forgiveness is a canceling of the offense, then the criminals should be forgiven and never spend even one night in jail.
Christ paid the debt of sin for all mankind, but there is a condition to receiving that freedom from our debt of sin, that is we must confess our sin and trust in Christ. HE is our example of how forgiveness works.
1 Corinthians 5
1 It is actually reported that there is immorality among you, and immorality of such a kind as does not exist even among the Gentiles, that someone has his father’s wife.
2 You have become arrogant and have not mourned instead so that the one who had done this deed would be removed from your midst.
3 For I, on my part, though absent in body but present in spirit, have already judged him who has so committed this, as though I were present.
4 In the name of our Lord Jesus, when you are assembled, and I with you in spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus,
5 I have decided to deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of his flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.
6 Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough?
7 Clean out the old leaven so that you may be a new lump, just as you are in fact unleavened. For Christ, our Passover also has been sacrificed.
8 Therefore let us celebrate the feast, not with old leaven, nor with the leaven of malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.
9 I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; 10 I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world.
11 But actually, I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a one.
12 For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within the church?
13 But those who are outside, God judges. Remove the wicked man from among yourselves."
Hebrews 3:13 " 13 But exhort one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. "
If you love the one who offended you then you must tell them their sin or fault so that they will know what is needed to become right with God and with you. Withholding this information is not love for the offender, but it is the love of self. Love of self is a lack of consideration for the well being of others.
Philippians 2:3-4 "3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others.…"
So many people are terribly proud of how tolerant and forgiving they are toward unrepentant people, because of this many offenders grow worse and full of entitlement because there were no consequences for their evil.
Please pray about this, nearly everything people are taught today about the principles of God have been twisted to mean what the devil wants, it diminishes relationships, further hardens hearts and causes evil to grow more rapidly and intensely.
IF you want to restore a relationship, require confession if the offender will not then you have seen his heart.
Matthew 18:15-18
"15 “If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.
16 But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every fact may be confirmed.
17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector (an enemy).
18 Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven."
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