The overt narcissist will speed through town and when stopped by the police they will blame the car. The covert narcissist will speed through town when stopped by the police and will blame someone else.
Each one blames something or someone else for their own lack of self-control or faulty thinking. They will never take responsibility for their own attitudes or actions which is the very reason they never grow emotionally or spiritually.
1 John 1:9 "1 John 1:9
"9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
When a born-again believer walking with Christ fails or sin they confess it quickly because the burden of the Holy Spirit on them disquiets their very nature and produces humility and guilt that leads them to confess.
When we meet someone who refuses to admit they have offended then we might be observing someone who claims to be a "Christian" but has never been born again.
Matthew 7:21-23 clearly explains that many people will think they are all right with God but who does not know Him.
Matthew 7:21-23 21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter.
22 Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’
23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; leave Me, you who practice lawlessness.’"
Many family members attend gatherings every week of their lives and lack all the fruit of the Spirit of God but think they are saved.
Galatians 5:22-23 - "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."
Worse yet, when they are confronted with their arrogance and false humility they rage instead of repent.
Proverbs 29:9-10 "9 If a wise man goes to court with a fool, there will be raging and laughing with no resolution. 10 Men of bloodshed hate a blameless man, but the upright care for his life.…"
There can only be solutions to relationship problems when the gossip stops and those who gossiped or believed the gossip repent. There can only be solutions to relationship problems when there is compassion and interest in both the one who was offended and the offender.
Problems are never resolved by just "letting it go", they are resolved the way God said they would be, that is both parties coming in humility to discuss a matter honestly. However, in our world today it is nearly impossible to have an honest discussion in humility when everyone has been trained to defend themselves to preserve their "self-esteem." Biblical standards for relationship resolution are nearly non-existent and those who attempt to employ God's way are demeaned, mocked, and shut down before there can be any real dialogue.
Matthew 5:22-24 "…22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ will be subject to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be subject to the fire of hell. 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.…"
Sometimes someone who says they are a Christian will not "call someone a fool" but they will treat them as though they are a fool, it is the same principle. Actions are expressions of what is inside already. Actions and words cannot be separated.
Romans 12:16–19
16 give in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly.1 Never be wise in your own sight. 17 repay no one evil for evil, but have thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
When we love someone we are deeply sorrowful when we think we have offended them and want to make it right. However, narcissists don't care about nurturing a relationship or repairing it, they only care about winning over those they wish to dominate.
May we care more about pleasing God than preserving our fleshly appearance or dominating anyone. When we love Christ we do not care about dominating anyone, we care about the spiritual well-being of others.
1 Corinthians 13:4–8a "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth."
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