I know lots of narcissists who act phony all the time, they are all in the family system I grew up in it, as though they were trained to be like this by example.
Everyone deals with trials differently. Some choose to be mean out of anger toward others, a sort of blaming others for their pain. While other people resolve not to be like those who hurt them and want to act kindly the way they wish they had been treated.
It's all a choice, we are all hurt at one time or another, the narcissist chooses to be mean and vengeful, yes it is a choice. Those who are kind and loving choose to defy the way they were raised, this makes the narcissists in the family resent them and in their anger, they gossip lies to make the decent person look like they were the bad ones.
Narcissists are not people who think for themselves. They model the actions of others to be accepted by them. the one who wants to be different is targeted so that perhaps with enough rudeness leveled against them they too will react the same way, allowing the narcissist to feel justified in their own ill-mannered insolent mentality.
If the narcissist can polk at their target long enough to cause them to blow up in anger they feel they have proved that the target is as bad as they are, vindicating themselves of their own disagreeable nasty character. Just like the devil in the garden with Eve, his desire was to make God reject her the way He rejected the devil.
The victory comes when the born-again Christian realizes what the devil is doing through the narcissist and feels at ease not responding to the attacks. Christ is our advocate we do not need for the narcissist to validate us, in fact I would worry if the narcissist did validate us that would mean that I am just like them.
When we know the truth about the worldly narcissist we can remain silent and avoid them so that they can have no effect on our character.
1 Corinthians 15:33
"33 Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
2 Timothy 3:1-5
Difficult Times Will Come
3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult (ragingly insane) times will come.
2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."
We have to be at the point at which we don't care what others think of us as long as we are approved by Christ. We may even see the humor in the foolishness of the antics of those who are controlled by the devil. It is so utterly ridiculous it is not worthy of self defense.
2 Timothy 4:3
"For the time will come when men will not tolerate sound doctrine, but with itching ears they will gather around themselves teachers to suit their own desires."
Are we offended when a small child is angry at us? NO, we see that the child is acting out but it is not personal, it is manipulative, we may even laugh at how silly it is right before we spank them for it.
We don't spank adults who act like bratty six-year olds we leave their discipline to God but we do avoid them. 2 Timothy 3:5
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