Ephesians 4:31-32 "…31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, outcry and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and tenderhearted to one another, forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you."
It is not possible to confess offenses when we are bitter and full of rage. It is not possible to forgive someone who does not confess their bitterness and rage. Forgiveness has a purpose and that is to reconcile. Reconciliation cannot happen when only one of these things happens, both are necessary.
I find it interesting that our modern culture expects forgiveness when there is no sorrow over offenses. The culture expects to be forgiven even when there is no desire to change what is wrong. This culture places pressure on one to forgive but no pressure on one to confess offenses. It is not merely unbalanced but it does nothing to reconcile the relationship.
When confession occurs and forgiveness is extended the relationship grows stronger than it was before.
How did Christ forgive? He forgave when there was repentance for the purpose of reconciling a relationship.
Proverbs 28:13
"Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy"
James 5:16
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed"
1 John 1:5-10, 2:1-2
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all injustice"
Luke 17:3-4 "…3 Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
A relationship can only be reconciled when there is confession of offense and forgiveness extended. These are two sides of the same coin and both must be present for there to be reconciliation.
When the Bible is ignored the good is not allowed to progress and change in hearts does not occur.
Humility is required to confess sin and it is also required to obey God in waiting for the confession before extending forgiveness that is not received because a heart has not been changed.
The lie that we will become bitter if we do not forgive the unrepentant has diminished the purpose of confession and forgiveness, it has cause the words "I forgive you" to become lame and meaningless.
When God said love your enemies, we do no harm to them but the love requires responsibility that changes the heart. It is not harmful to withhold forgiveness to one who is not sorry, and it may save their eternal life.
When a culture gives into the ways of the world and is steeped in psychology it will cause people to become offended over accountability and it will be helpless and meaningless.
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