1. The public persona and their private self do not match. They are different in front of other people depending on who they like or dislike. Kind to those they wish to impress and mean to those they think are beneath them.
2. Loyalty to anyone is superficial and dependent on your performance. As long as we serve a function for them they will be good to us. If we do not serve them they discard us.
3. They can never admit mistakes or sins. They are angry if we confront them. It is not possible to have a rational and reasonable discussion to resolve problems. They blame us for their own flaws.
1 John 1:9
"9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
4. They give lots of advice but will listen to none from others. They criticize everything, even the smallest matters for those they do not like. They do not like confident people who make their own choices. Narcissists are all about control over others.
James 1:19 "
You know this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Now everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger;"
5. Narcissists never self-reflect except to pretend they are above others. They expect others to admire them but have no respect for others. They live with a false self refusing to evaluate their own character or actions. They are basically dishonest people who lie frequently.
James 5:16
"16 Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."
6. They have an agenda for those they wish to control and punish anyone who will not comply. They judge as "bad" anyone who will not bow to their way of thinking.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
"4 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. 5 It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, 6 it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 it [a]keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
7. They place people in categories, and these people are judged as either "all good" or "all bad" based on what the people offer or don't offer them personally.
James 2:1 "My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory."
8. They have many fantasies and boast about those to others. They cannot stand being "ordinary", they must appear special and associated with the beautiful people.
2 Corinthians 10:5
"Casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God"
9. Narcissists must be seen as powerful over others. They consider themselves the authority over others.
Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves;"
10. They have no ability to express empathy, loving and kind expressions of love because they don't have it within themselves. They pretend love by giving someone a gift but the gift is always a way of elevating themselves.
11. They lie frequently even when there is no reason to lie. They will lie to elevate themselves and will lie to devalue another person. They are huge secret keepers. The fear of anyone seeing the real them is a thing they fear the most. They also hate it when an honest person comes along and is genuine, it is intimidating and disgusting to them because they see it as a weakness.
John 8:44 "You are of your father the devil, and you want to do the desires of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. Whenever he tells a lie, he speaks from his own nature, because he is a liar and the father of lies."
12. They use veiled or covert threats in an attempt to get at someone they cannot control. They will lie to relatives about us, withhold grandchildren from us, and manipulate others to be against us with them.
Proverbs 16:28 "A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends."
13. Wealth represents power to the narcissist. They count themselves above others if they are financially above others. Boasting about what they have is continual and without restraint.
14. When confronting a narcissist about their behavior we will be met with irrational and punishing anger. Disagreements are intolerable to the narcissist because they must have everyone elevate them to enjoy them.
Hebrews 12:14
"14 Pursue peace with all people, and the holiness without which no one will see the Lord."
15. Narcissists are dismissive of the concerns of others. They have black-or-white thinking, either you are all wrong or you are all right and if you are all wrong they treat with contempt the one they see as wrong and if you are all right you are golden and treated like a god.
16. Narcissists have no interest in understanding anyone else. They either love you or hate you based on whether or not you treat them special. They cannot tolerate anyone who treats them as normal people just like anyone else.
Romans 12:9-18. "Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; 10love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord."
17. Narcissists like to steal praise from other people. They never let someone else have the limelight for an accomplishment they try to make it seem like they had a part in it.
18. These people exude a chronic undertone of anger. It is always just below the surface ready to explode at the slightest perceived provocation. They nitpick about the silliest things as though they are important. They take every word as a personal attack even if it isn't about them at all. When they walk into a room they suck all the joy out of it and attempt to dominate the conversation so that no one else can engage.
Proverbs 29:22 "…21 A servant pampered from his youth will bring grief in the end. 22 An angry man stirs up dissension, and a hot-tempered man abounds in transgression. 23 A man’s pride will bring him low, but a humble spirit will obtain honor."
19. They have double standards, they expect things out of us that they would not do themselves. They accuse us of things they are doing but we are not.
20. They do not know what love is, they equate love with conformity to them.
21. They have no appreciation for our boundaries. They expect us to do as they want but have no desire to do what we want.
22. Narcissists will disappear when we are in need and return when the fun starts. They have no stomach for the hardships and trials of others but expect others to be there for them when they are in need of help.
These are the main traits of the narcissist. As we pray for them to be broken by God in repentance, we must keep our distance because of the chaos and misery they bring when they come calling.
Proverbs 22:24 says, "Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man thou shalt not go".
Christ did not surround Himself with those who were against Him. The apostles did not keep continual company with those who hated Christ and them for loving Christ.
Our culture has trained its people to remain with people even when they are troublemakers. When these people insert themselves into our lives bringing nothing but evil and hate, God tells us to avoid them.
2 Timothy 3 verse 5 commands us to avoid such people.
"3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."
This passage is a description of the last days apostate church. They will be horrid people claiming to be "religious" but are working against God in practice. We are to avoid them, this may mean and often does mean that we must remove ourselves from their false system of churchianity and remain in small faithful, loving groups who love the Word of God and actually seek to follow it.
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