No Expectations, No Disappointment

I have learned over the years not to have expectations of others. When we expect others to act the way we want them to act we are often disappointed.

We are disappointed because we are not taking into account their personalities, what God wants them to do or what is good for others. In reality, our expectations are all about ourselves and what we want.

When we learn to choose not to have expectations we will be much more peaceful and able to be giving freely when nothing is returned.

Our peace must be in Christ alone, not in what others around us are doing. Expectations only build sadness and resentment when they are not met. Again, the self is at the root of our fleshly expectations.

As a born-again believer, I expect God's promises because He said them and He never breaks a promise. However, human beings let one another down all the time. If we don't expect anything then we will not be sad or disappointed. Also, as born-again believers we know if something happens we have no control over then God has orchestrated it for our good.

Having said this I must make one exception, that is a spouse. We have a right to expect certain things from a spouse, but if they do not come through then we must give it to God and carry on as though we never expected it.

Love is not always easy but it is a command of God.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

"4 Love is patient, love is kind, it is not jealous; love does not brag, it is not arrogant. 5 It does not act disgracefully, it does not seek its own benefit; it is not provoked, does not keep an account of a wrong suffered, 6 it does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 it keeps every confidence, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

The Wife a Coach as well as Lover

A wife is the "helpmate" that is "coach" of her husband sort of like the DCPI of the police commissioner, advising him on matters to help him think about all the nuances of life.

A husband and wife have differing perspectives, that's why they came together, to add something to themselves that they would not otherwise have. Each needs one another to have a whole picture. With only one there is half the equation, with two there is a whole.

We are two different personalities, two different genders coming from different backgrounds, it is silly to think that there will not be conflicts to discuss and work out in order to come closer to that "oneness" experience.

Having been married more than 50 years now I can tell you that each disagreement and resolution brought a little more spiritual and emotional growth.

This can only happen if two people who are married choose to love one another God's way and forgive God's way. When there is an injury the one who sinned confesses to God and to their spouse and the offended spouse forgives. Sometimes both say mean and rude things in an argument and both must confess and forgive.

The ultimate good is for both to turn to God, but if one will not then the one who wants to obey God does it by themselves and prays for God to make them what they should be, leaving their spouse to God to attend to.

I used to hear in the 1970's "it is better to divorce than to fight all the time", I say balderdash!!!!!! When anyone said this foolishness to me I said; "there is another solution, why doesn't one of you just stop fighting." It only takes one to stop for the argument to stop. Pride on both sides is what keeps arguments going.

And I might add, most struggles are insignificant, easily resolved if one party would just let go of their pride.

Proverbs 16:18

"18 Pride goes before destruction,

and a haughty spirit before a fall."

Lastly, learn to have a sense of humor over our quirks, accepting our spouse as an interesting person instead of an irritating one. After all, we are all irritating at times and we can be very interesting if we live within the personality God gave us and not according to the expectations of the people around us. Just a thought!!!!

Narcissists in the Church Gathering

If anyone comes to you and attempts to rage and intimidate you for not thinking like them, get away, you are dealing with a "Hitler" type.

Those who will not allow any thoughts spoken from others they do not like, are deeply demonic.

One of the devil's most used tactic is to shame anyone who brings scripture to the discussion. He hates God and he hates God's word, so he works to silence believers through intimidation, mocking and lies.

Anyone who allows it is a flying monkey, in other words they affirm the narcissist tactics by their silence. They have a fear of man instead of a dedication to God and principles.

When we stand by and watch a devil harm a brother in Christ without defending our brother, we are affirming the narcissist's vitriol.

1 John 4:20

"If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen."

1 Peter 1:22

"Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart,"

Psalm 82:4

"Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.”

Romans 12:9

"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good."

1 John 3:14

"We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death."

We know there is no love when someone rages refusing to allow others to speak in order that his false doctrine prevails.

We know there is no salvation when someone rages and refused to answer the question; "have you been born again." A born-again believer will answer that question with pleasure and joy boldly without anger.

A person who rages at the question does not know what salvation is and is attempting to hide their ignorance by raging. Rage is a diversion to avoid answering and make onlookers think we did something wrong because the person raged. It is a very common tactic of the devil.

If someone rages because they were asked a question it is because they don't know the answer and are angry that they might have to submit in answering.

To the narcissist a question that they cannot answer, in their mind, shows them weak if they submit with an answer.

Ephesians 5:21-6:4

"21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God."

Everyone in the body of Christ is commanded to submit to others regularly, its what love is all about.

Ephesians 5:21: "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. "

1 John 4:8: "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. "

Corinthians 13:13: "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love."

What does love look like?

1 Corinthians 13:4–8a "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth."

Narcissists rejoice when they have forced someone to back down because of their rages. This is not love, it is also not love to allow only their own opinion to be spoken freely while diminishing others to keep the favored alpha dog status.

When we read about love in the Bible we see it is opposing anything resembling the rage of a narcissist.

Brothers and Sisters keep looking up, we are going to encounter more of this raging as the end nears. Let us not be guilty of becoming like the ragers. We must speak the truth boldly but not be drawn into the narcissist trap of fighting back, we are commanded not to throw our pearls in front of swine.

Matthew 7:6 " 6 Do not give dogs what is holy; do not throw your pearls before swine. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces. "

When we discover we have been engaging with a narcissist or group of narcissists we must remove ourselves and avoid them.

Like

Comment

Share

What the Bible Says about Covert Christian Narcissists

Let's Be Doers and not just Sayers

Many people want the safety and perks of becoming a Christian. Perhaps they want a family or club they can call their own, or perhaps they feel a sense of safety being in a group that speaks about blessings and protection.

Many of these people do not want God, they only want His stuff. We know this because when a born-again believer attempts to bring them back to thinking about Christ, worshiping Him, and obeying His principles they become hostile as though the one who loves the Lord has done something wrong.

As we move further into the apostate age we will see this mentality of "them versus us" in reference to the "radical born-agains" and the "pretenders" growing and solidified.

The pretenders don't want to grow in holiness and sadly they don't want anyone else to grow beyond them. It is an affront to the pretender that anyone else would be spiritually superior to them. Pride and self-protection is at the root of the rudeness and resistance to spiritual and emotional maturity.

Matthew 15:7-9 "…7 You hypocrites! Isaiah prophesied correctly about you: 8‘ These people honor Me with their lips, but their hearts are far from Me. 9 They worship Me in vain; they teach as doctrine the precepts of men.’ "

Ephesians 4:11-16

"And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, ."

James 1:22-25

"But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing."

Let us be seeking the word, hearers of the word and "DOERS" that we might please Christ and not ourselves or other men.

Narcissistic Group Think

A sign of a narcissistic group is when everyone is expected to think just like the group, if they do not then they are shunned and treated shamefully for their lack of compliance to the group.

This was the mentality of the world when Christ walked the earth. He brought a completely different way of thinking, that is to trust in Him instead of our own works.

Proverbs 3:5-6
"5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 28:25-26 "…25 A greedy man stirs up strife, but he who trusts in the LORD will prosper. 26 He who trusts in himself is a fool, but one who walks in wisdom will be safe."

There are many kinds of greed, greed for power, greed for money, greed for status, greed for superiority, greed to speak non-stop not allowing others to have their say, greed is at the root of every conflict. Greed is at the root of every sinful attitude of control.

Control over others is the very dynamic of the devil, if he can control the thought of people making them think they are their own, as they think they are trusting in themselves, the more easily they are controlled by him.

Pride is at the root of it all, the very reason the devil was thrown out of heaven. He wanted power over God and mankind.

James 4:7
"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."

We have the power over the devil's inputting of thoughts when we are born-again. When we know the Bible and are empowered by the Holy Spirit we are able to thwart the devil's plans to corrupt us. The biggest influence the devil has is over the thoughts of men.

If our thoughts are righteous and controlled by the Holy Spirit then we will know when the devil has brought a wrong thought to mind. We can reject it as being from Him and never allow it to motivate sinful actions in us.

Galatians 5:16
"But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh."

2 Corinthians 5:16
"From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer."

Idolatry abounds in the churches today and is very subtle!

If we are looking to anyone or anything for our counsel, trusting in it or them we have idolatry in our lives.

 
Hebrews 12:1-2
"Jesus, Founder and Perfecter of Our Faith
12 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."