The WORST Narcissist of All (Christian Covert Narcissist)

How to Set Boundaries with Difficult Family (and not feel guilty) Day 6

Before You Trust Again, Look for These 3 Must-See Signs

To Warn You!!!

The Apostate Church Culture is Dangerous; Avoid It

Our modern Christian culture has distorted forgiveness to fit the psychology of our day. We are told to forgive when the offender confesses and is sorry. We are not told to forgive those who are not repentant.

Luke 17:3-4 "…3Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

Accountability is the key to changed behavior and even spiritual growth. Without it there is no growth. If we love others we will hold them accountable so that they can learn repentance.

There are those who would say that we do not have to ask forgiveness to those we have offended because David said to God; "you alone have I offended." While it is true that we must confess to God first we must also confess to those we have offended in order to reconcile the relationships that we broke.

Matthew 18:15-20

“If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. Truly I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall have been bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall have been loosed in heaven. “Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.”

No one grows in holiness without confession of sin. And, relationships are not mended without humility and the desire to show the offended one that we love them too much to allow them to think we hold them in such low regard.

1 John 1:9

"9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

We forgive as God forgave, when there is confession. A relationship cannot be mended when one party refuses to admit they were offensive.

Sadly, in our day most people are too prideful to admit they have been offensive and will fight when approached by the one they offended to resolve a problem.

It is not surprising that so many preachers spend more time on forgiveness than they do on confession of sin because secretly in their hearts they want to bypass the need for admission of guilt. What they do not understand is that having to humble ourselves in confessing our offense it grows us making us unlikely to do the same sins again.

This is why we do not see people change, they will not confess, and they sweep their offense under the rug only to emerge later again and again and again. They reoffend over and over again expecting their victims to just "let it go."

In 2 Timothy 3:4-5 God tells us to stay away from such people, they are brutal and unrepentant with the ability to cause frustration in their victims leaving them unusable for the Kingdom of God. Bad company corrupts good character and we must avoid them.

1 Corinthians 15:33

Perfect Love Casts Out Fear

1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” The ultimate punishment or fear is separation from God."

Those who argue to win in a conversation without concern for others are walking in fear. They fight because of the fear of losing something, that is power over others.

When we love Christ we have no need to "win over" others. We can be open and honest in a calm and loving spirit without regard for the reactions of others.

In our world today people are easily offended by disagreement or correction. They use snarky retorts to intimidate others into feeling inferior, and also a way to silence those who are weak in their spirit.

We are bold as lions as born-again believers and have no need to be accepted by those who love to dominate us for their own feelings of superiority.

The most freeing thing in the world is to be able to be authentic and unaffected by the responses and intimidation of those who walk in fear.

Isaiah 41:10

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

2 Timothy 1:7

"For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control."

Isaiah 41:13

"For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.”

There are many people in the world now who are calling "bad good and good bad." These people deliberately mock and intimidate to cause believers to shrink back in silence to avoid the problems these wicked people create. They count on the group around them to validate them while they create fear in those they attack.

Matthew 10:27-29 "…27 What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the housetops. 28 Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Instead, fear the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. 29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father."

Sadly, I have seen more of this mocking and intimidation than I have godly responses based on love. The culture in which I live is dominated by self-will and revenge when those who are challenged cannot win over a bold and confident born-again believer.

Praise God and Jesus Christ Who lives in us that we do not walk in fear and cannot be intimidated to recoil when attacked by self-important individuals.

Again, sadly many of these individuals are in the church gatherings. They are not humble, but are full of arrogance, emotionally and spiritually bludgeoning anyone who corrects them rather than sitting down calmly and lovingly to have a conversation using God's Word and praying for wisdom so that both parties can come to an agreement.

We are commanded to agree, this does not mean giving up truth to be able to be friendly, it means that we go back to prayer and Bible study to discern truth.

Those who seek Christ together rarely disagree, they both love the word so much that Christ in them has shown them. Christ is not divided.

2 Corinthians 11:3-5

"3 But I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his trickery, your minds will be led astray from sincere and pure devotion to Christ.

4 For if one comes and preaches another Jesus whom we have not preached, or you receive a different spirit which you have not received, or a different gospel which you have not accepted, this you tolerate very well!

5 For I consider myself not in the least inferior to the most eminent apostles."

Every born-again believer is subject to one another, no one is higher than the other because it is Christ Who is pre-eminent not the person.

Overt vs Covert Narcissism

The overt narcissist will speed through town and when stopped by the police they will blame the car. The covert narcissist will speed through town when stopped by the police and will blame someone else.

Each one blames something or someone else for their own lack of self-control or faulty thinking. They will never take responsibility for their own attitudes or actions which is the very reason they never grow emotionally or spiritually.

No one can grow into maturity who cannot admit their own flaws and failings.

1 John 1:9 "1 John 1:9

"9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous, so that He will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

When a born-again believer walking with Christ fails or sin they confess it quickly because the burden of the Holy Spirit on them disquiets their very nature and produces humility and guilt that leads them to confess.

When we meet someone who refuses to admit they have offended then we might be observing someone who claims to be a "Christian" but has never been born again.

Matthew 7:21-23 clearly explains that many people will think they are all right with God but who does not know Him.

Matthew 7:21-23 21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of My Father who is in heaven will enter.

22 Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?’

23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; leave Me, you who practice lawlessness.’"

Many family members attend gatherings every week of their lives and lack all the fruit of the Spirit of God but think they are saved.

Galatians 5:22-23 - "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."

Worse yet, when they are confronted with their arrogance and false humility they rage instead of repent.

Proverbs 29:9-10 "9 If a wise man goes to court with a fool, there will be raging and laughing with no resolution. 10 Men of bloodshed hate a blameless man, but the upright care for his life.…"

There can only be solutions to relationship problems when the gossip stops and those who gossiped or believed the gossip repent. There can only be solutions to relationship problems when there is compassion and interest in both the one who was offended and the offender.

Problems are never resolved by just "letting it go", they are resolved the way God said they would be, that is both parties coming in humility to discuss a matter honestly. However, in our world today it is nearly impossible to have an honest discussion in humility when everyone has been trained to defend themselves to preserve their "self-esteem." Biblical standards for relationship resolution are nearly non-existent and those who attempt to employ God's way are demeaned, mocked, and shut down before there can be any real dialogue.

Matthew 5:22-24 "…22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother, ‘Raca,’ will be subject to the Sanhedrin. But anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be subject to the fire of hell. 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.…"

Sometimes someone who says they are a Christian will not "call someone a fool" but they will treat them as though they are a fool, it is the same principle. Actions are expressions of what is inside already. Actions and words cannot be separated.

Romans 12:16–19

16 give in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly.1 Never be wise in your own sight. 17 repay no one evil for evil, but have thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”

When we love someone we are deeply sorrowful when we think we have offended them and want to make it right. However, narcissists don't care about nurturing a relationship or repairing it, they only care about winning over those they wish to dominate.

May we care more about pleasing God than preserving our fleshly appearance or dominating anyone. When we love Christ we do not care about dominating anyone, we care about the spiritual well-being of others.

1 Corinthians 13:4–8a "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth."