Drive Out The Scoffer

I need to clear up a misunderstanding. I have been writing about narcissism for a while now, sharing what God has shown me about it, but don't feel I have been clear enough about what should and should not be done in terms of dealing with it.

There are some who have been interpreting my belief based on 2 Timothy 3 verse 5 as an endorsement for leaving a spouse. This is not the case at all.


When God tells us to go "not contact", in other words leave the relationship with a narcissist, He never at any time is speaking about leaving a difficult marriage.
We have choices to remove ourselves from extended family, friends and adult children in obedience to 2 Timothy 3:5 which says, "from such turn away." 

However, it is not the case for marriage. When Christ makes two people one in marriage, nothing can sever that, it is a work of God in our spirits that only death can remove.


God allows us to remove ourselves for a time in order to regroup and work things out, not as a dissolving of the marriage but as a way of resolving things and reconciling.

Matthew 19:6 "6 So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Matthew 19:8 "8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so."

Matthew 5:32 "32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of fornication (before the marriage in the engagement period), makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery."

Ephesians 5:31 "31 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 "To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife."

1 Corinthians 7:15 "But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace."

If an unbeliever leaves we are to let him/her go, but that has nothing to do with divorce, only separation. The absent spouse remains a spouse, but when he/she has left, they are no longer obligated to consider them in our decisions, since they are not there to participate. The one who has not left is however, to pray for them, remain faithful to them, the marriage bond is not severed because they are gone.

It is clear from God's Word that difficulties in marriage are not an excuse to divorce. God does not divorce us when we are disobedient or dismissive of His principles, we remain His children when we have trusted Him, even when we are not acting right.

Marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and His church. God does not throw us away when we fail, nor should we throw away a spouse because they fail.


Romans 7:2 "For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage."

Malachi 2:16 "“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the Lord, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the Lord of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

Ephesians 4:30 "Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption."

Ephesians 1:13-14 "13 In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation—having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise, 14 who is given as a pledge of our inheritance, with a view to the redemption of God’s own possession, to the praise of His glory."

When we see that we can have no influence in someone's life for the Lord or that we cannot be reconciled to them in a godly way and for whom we are not promised to in marriage, we have no obligation to remain in their lives unless and until they repent and learn to walk with Christ.

1 Corinthians 15:33 "Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals."

When we cannot work out a matter in a godly manner, both parties resolving to seek Christ for the answers, then continued contact will only cause more harm. We must take a break from those relationships to pray, remembering we are not obligated to maintain friendship with everyone we met or everyone who is related to us. We are however to have friendships that love and seek God.

The only relationship that we are commanded to maintain in this life is with our spouse, we might add young children that who are still living in our home. Adult children have to make their own choices and they may not choose righteously. Our relationships with adult children depends on their choice to obey God or not.
Far too many Christian parents are tolerating evil on the part of their adult children, the children have no incentive to rethink their lives because the parents are always there for them no matter what sin they are committing. We all ought to maintain the principle from the Word, "AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE WE WILL SERVE THE LORD."

If you have rebellious and disrespectful adult children in your lives, causing trouble in your marriage while eating away at your resources, then it is time to wake up to the fact that the adult child is manipulating and using you, they have no interest in your welfare, they bring nothing good to the household and are convinced they can get away with it because no one hold them to account. They are free to come and go as they please, with all their bills paid and don't even have to treat their parents with honor and respect.

Get those blood sucking leaches out of your house, the only way they are going to learn any better is to get into the world and see that their life attitude is not going to work for them. To allow them to remain, is to help them continue in wickedness, ungratefulness, even further hardening their hearts to the needs of others.


These people make terrible spouses, they have no love or empathy for their parents or anyone else. The parents have become nothing more than a source of supply for them. Don't think for one moment that the adult child who acts like this has anything good to bring to the relationships in the house.


Of course when I become this harsh in my language about deadbeat adult children, I am not speaking about good adult children who bring resources and respect to the household. They should be enjoyed and rewarded for their contribution to the family household.

When we allow rebellious and mean-spirited adult children to remain one of two things, may both, are happening, first the parent is worried about the physical well being of the child more than the spiritual and secondly the parent is worried about being discarded by their child permanently. Neither of these concerns has anything to do with the spiritual well being of the child. There is a saying people use for physical exercise, "no pain no gain", it is interesting that very few people associate this phrase with spiritual exercise, which is far more important than physical safety.

If our greatest concern for the adult child is their spiritual well being, then we must allow ourselves to carry out the discipline necessary for the greater good. When we have faith, we can do what hurts us, for the sake of someone else. Let's face it, it does hurt to be rejected by our adult children. What difference does it make to be rejected in our own home through dishonor, disrespect, lack of empathy and dismissiveness, or to be rejected when they are thrown out to make their own way in the world, either way there is rejection?


Here is what the difference really is, in the home when we allow them to stay, we get to endure every single day, their hate, however if we remove them, they still reject us but we do not endure their contempt in our faces every day, peace returns to the house when the trouble maker is removed.


Personally I prefer an occasional loneliness with peace every day, rather than continual frustration and conflict in my own house day in and day out without rest and no love.


Proverbs 14:16 "16 One who is wise is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool is reckless and careless."

James 4:17 "So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin."

Ecc. 8:11 "Because the sentence against an evil deed is not executed speedily, the heart of the children of man is fully set to do evil."

Proverbs 22:10 "Drive out the scoffer, and contention will go out, Even strife and dishonor will cease."