Equally Yoked

When God commanded that those who are considering marriage to someone, He was very clear that we are not to be unequally yoked.

When there are two oxen yoked together pulling a wagon, they must pull together. They must be going in the same direction with the same purpose.

When the team of oxen are commanded to turn to the right, one of the oxen will lead in that direction, when the oxen are commanded to turn in the other direction the other oxen takes the lead.

The pair work together, both leading as they pull in a straight line and each taking their turn to lead in the terns.

A marriage is a team, the wife has been assigned to be the keeper of the home, while the husband is the protector, each submitting to one another as there is need.

No one person in a marriage has all the answers or insight necessary to make a marriage successful. Each must be able to speak openly and honestly to one another with out anyone walking on egg shells fearing the response of the other.

If one person is intimidating to manipulate the other into submission continually, then the one who intimidates is sinning and the couple do not grow in righteousness and holiness, they both remain stagnant.

Each person in the marriage must take their roles very seriously, each one communicating their need to one another without fear of reprisal.

There are those in cults who are teaching that the woman is a second class citizen and should be treated as an underling rather than a partner in life. This is sinful and damaging to any marriage.

Both parties in the marriage must give and take, listen and speak to make the marriage and household run smoothly.

Yes, the man is the head of the household, but he should never be a dictator, he should lead by the way that he serves and he should lead with loving concern about those he has been charged to protect and encourage.

I have known selfish men who think leading is merely barking orders in a range boss tone of voice to intimidate the family members into whatever he wants, this too is sin.

Women should take seriously their duty to care for the needs of the household. She runs the household the way a CEO of a company would do it. The job was given to her by God, her husband should not dictate how she does that job, nor should he micromanage her job.

He makes requests according to his need and others in the household and the woman works to please him. The wife works at the pleasure of her husband but she does not take orders.

Proverbs 31 is a good place to start for the role of the woman.

1 Peter 3:1-12 gives standards for the husband and wife relationship.

"3 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,
2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
3 Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4 but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
5 For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right [b]without being frightened by any fear.
7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
8 To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit;
9 not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.
10 For, “The one who desires life, to love and see good days,
Must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.
11 “He must turn away from evil and do good;
He must seek peace and pursue it.
12 “For the eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous,
And His ears attend to their prayer,
But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

Remember every one should submit to every one else, that makes for an harmonious family life. No one will do this perfectly, if you see a family who looks perfect, sort of the poster children for the perfect family, then there is a lot of hiding going on. Every family has troubles and trials, pretending perfection serves only to deny truth leaving no room for learning from mistakes or growth spurts.

Wives are told to submit to husbands, it is their choice, no one forces or intimidates them into submission.

Ephesians 5:21-30
21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones."

Let's not forget that people generally learn far more through watching the example than they do by words. It is easy to see a hypocrite who acts selfishly but demands of others what the hypocrite would not do themselves.

There is an old saying that goes like this; "your actions speak so loud I can't hear a word your saying.

There are those who demand that their families submit to their authority but the hypocrite will not submit to anyone else. When we have love in our hearts it is not our desire to force everyone to do things our way, we appreciate the diversity of gifts in each family member and rejoice in their accomplishments.

When there is love there is room for negotiation so that often there can be a "win win."