When I became born again I did not live for the Lord, I wanted God, but didn't understand what that meant. I wanted His safety and love, but had no understanding of what that looked like.
I didn't read my Bible, because it was not common in our household to open the Bible and there was no prayer except over the meal that was a canned recited one in a hurry to get to the food.
I accepted Christ as my Savior at church camp at 12 years old but didn't live for the Lord until my early twenties. I sinned often out of weakness, rather than turning to Christ for help I turned to other things and people for comfort.
When I became weary of the continual guilt and conviction of the Holy Spirit I fell to my knees confessing my sin, at which time I began pouring over the Bible to learn more about God. I am convinced I was saved, often I questioned my salvation during that time because no matter how much I confessed I felt I was not forgiven. Then I felt guilty for not believing God when He said that He will forgive when we confess.
1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
2 Corinthians 13:5 "Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you-- unless indeed you fail the test?"
I know this sense of not being forgiven was ingrained in me in childhood when every slightest infraction was met with extreme harshness, even when there was sorrow over sin, there was the condemnation from those who thought they could never sin. I didn't think anyone could or would forgive the past. This thinking extended to my view of God. There was little love in the house, mostly ridicule and mocking, never encouragement.
Galatians 6:1 "Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted."
The day I realized that I was a work in progress, that God loved me in spite of my failings and would extend that love to such a degree as to redirect me when it was needed, then is when my spirit began to blossom, peacefully experiencing His love in spite of what was going on around me.
Hebrews 12:11 "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."
James 1:2-8 "2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,
3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.
4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.
6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.
7 For let not that man suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord;
8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."
I am a believer in harsh rebukes for those who are rebellious, however I do not believe the Bible teaches to continue to be harsh with someone who has repented. Then is when we weep with our brothers and sisters and rejoice at the growth. When we act as though the sin could never be forgiven and that no one else sins that badly, we are walking in pride, a sin that destroys. Often those who think they are above sin, unnecessarily judge harshly others who have turned from their sin and are forgiven, but the prideful judge remains in theirs.
Galatians 6:1 "Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted."
Titus 1:10-16 "10 For there are many rebellious men, empty talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision,
11 who must be silenced because they are upsetting whole families, teaching things they should not teach for the sake of sordid gain.
12 One of themselves, a prophet of their own, said, “Cretans are always liars, evil beasts, lazy gluttons.”
13 This testimony is true. For this reason reprove them severely so that they may be sound in the faith,
14 not paying attention to Jewish myths and commandments of men who turn away from the truth.
15 To the pure, all things are pure; but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their mind and their conscience are defiled.
16 They profess to know God, but by their deeds they deny Him, being detestable and disobedient and worthless for any good deed."
There is a time of patience we must have with new believers, or those who are sinning from weakness and heartache.
There are no excuses for sin, but there is also no excuse for meanness with a brother or sister desiring to be restored. Pride is the motivating factor in reviling one who is seeking Christ.
1 John 5:4 "For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith."
Mark 11:24 ""Therefore I say to you, all things for which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you."
1 John 5:14 "And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:"
We know it is God's will that we be cleansed, so we know if we pray for that He will do it. We can have victory over every struggle.
Let go of self and hang on to Christ! Desire what He desires and He will do it.
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