Sadly there are those who get married to have someone to serve them. They have little desire to be an asset to their spouse, but merely hope to be elevated in the eyes of the world because of their choice of a spouse. These people love their popular status, loving sacrificially is not in their mind and the needs of their spouse is irrelevant.
Do not get married if you cannot admit sin and seek Christ, you will only bring misery to the relationship and set the marriage up for failure.
I can speak from experience and authority, since I have been married 43 years to the same man, since my teen years.
When we mess up in marriage, bad attitudes, selfishness and other malities in our character, we can swallow our pride, confess them and do better with Christ helping us. Growth will be necessary in every marriage no matter how wonderful you think you are or how wonderful you think your spouse is.
There are many ups and downs, marriage is two very different personalities coming together. Since opposites do attract, we are impressed with someone different from ourselves, because they seem to have what we lack. Even so, those differences will eventually irritate us if we do not see the value in them long term.
Men and women are very different, they process information differently, God made us that way for a reason. When we learn to respect those differences, we can work together to solve the problems of life, they can enhance one another. There is no room for mocking and ridicule over the differences, this only creates hurt feelings while thwarting any resolution of conflict or moving forward in growth.
When we mess up we must admit it openly and resolve to walk anew.
Anyone going into marriage thinking it will be all about "gooy love", are on the wrong foot to start with. Our aim should be to go into marriage to be an asset to the other person rather than counting on what we think we will get out of them.
THE SELFISHNESS, NARCISSISM AND DOWN RIGHT STUBBORNNESS HAS TO GO!!!!
The final and most important aspect of marriage is that of unity. We must foster unity in the relationship, not by our human effort but by knowing the will of God by studying His Word to find His principles for a married couple.
All the principles for a God honoring relationship, the role of the woman and the role of the men are clearly written in the Word. When we seek God and not men for our model for marriage we have a successful marriage.
Please, Please stay away from the oppressive and demeaning teachings of PHARISAICAL. mentalities (marked by hypocritical censorious self-righteousness. Marriam-Webster Dictionary) there are many, adding to Scripture things that God never said that bring hardship into the marriage.
Proverbs 31 is a wonderful source for learning the woman's role in the family.
Ephesians 5 is another source that teaches the love that is between a man and woman based on their particular roles.
Remember that God has given specific roles to men and women that are unique to their gender bents. Each role is important and the instructions for each role were given to that gender. We can appeal to one another when we see error or sin, but forcing, manipulating and demeaning to get our spouse to do what we think they should do, it not acceptable to God.
When someone is not acting as they should in disobedience to God we are to lovingly appeal while praying for them. Often we find out that someone is not nearly as bad as we thought, we just misunderstood their struggle.
The bottom line in this matter of marriage is this: Seek the Lord with all your heart even if your spouse doesn't seem to be doing it. Love Christ with all your heart and treat your spouse as God wants you to and you may see changes needed in yourself first. Often people are reacting to our wrong attitudes, when they see us change, they can more fully see themselves.
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