Parents Must Work Together

Narcissism in families results when one party is determined to be special above everyone else.  There can also be more than one narcissist in a family, often entire families learn to operate in this selfish way because of the influence of the narcissist.

This is often true when there is a narcissistic father and a scapegoat mother. The children learn to despise the mother  for making boundaries and rules to protect the children from bad choices while attempting to train them to be loving, kind and selfless. 

The narc father comes against the mother at every tern, while playing the friendly fun one in the family.  Even though the father never takes the time to teach the children in important matters, he is the favored one because he is fun and gives the children everything they want without challenge or instruction. 

A very sad result of this scenario is that the children become narcissistic too, continuing the pattern of narcissistic contempt for the mother. We see this a lot in our culture, sometimes it is the mother who is the narcissist and the father the scapegoat, but the result is the same in any case.

We are seeing much more of this with the onset of the self esteem teaching.  Parents, whether father or mother, can destroy the training of the non-narc parent in very subtle ways.  When a parent comes against another parent rather than upholding their authority, we most likely end up with children who have no regard for authority or instruction from anyone.  The children learn to disregard whoever instructs them in whatever they don't want to learn.  Pride overrides all good sense, while feelings and desire take first place.

Proverbs 1:8 "Hear, my son, your father's instruction And do not forsake your mother's teaching;"

Children will take the easiest and lowest road when faced with a choice whether to obey or not.  It is vitally important that both parents make the decision to uphold one another's mandates and instructions.  If there is one parent that comes against the other in the smallest way, then the scapegoat parent will have little influence and even less love from the children.

If you want to teach love to your children, you must first model it by diligently upholding the standards of your spouse.  This is love for the children, to show them the other person matters by standing by them.  Loving our spouse should be more important than having the worship of our children.