Our culture does not realize the far-reaching impact of divorce and remarriage on it. All they see is their justifications allowing them to be free from guilt for disobeying God through their excuses and self exaltation.
Some people say it is better to divorce than to be fighting all the time. This is total nonsense, it is better to have two parents in the same house than to have one even if there is fighting. Divorce removes what is familiar to the child, it is not different from a fighting household to a rejecting household in which one person was thrown away to bring in another one who does not know the child. They are equal, divorce and fighting in a marriage are the same. The child is damaged in both cases, one is not better than the other.
When I was asked what was better to remain in a fighting marriage or to divorce without the fighting. My answer was; "there is another option, one of you stop fighting." If only one stops fighting the fighting will at least minimize and often goes away.
We have school shootings often now almost a normal course for our country. If you look into them you will see the bullying in the schools, the anger in the students, the arrogance of classmates and the angst that leads to attitudes of revenge carried out in the shootings. All of this is a result of the selfishness of rejecting God's way to remain in the marriage working things out.
Sadly the greatest opposition to me has been within the organized church because of my stand against divorce and remarriage. Even though God is very clear that is it a sin those who love their unsaved families and their disobedient Christian friends will defend the actions of their friends and family when those actions come against Christ. So the question has to be "Who do they serve, their friends and family or Christ?" They cannot come against sin if they align themselves with family above Christ.
Those who defend divorce and remarriage are part of the problem. They are as guilty as the one who commits the act.
Mankind has been justifying sin since the beginning of the world. Satan convinced Eve that God didn't really say what He said and that Eve could be her own god, making her own rules and choices without interference from God.
2 Timothy 4:3
"3 For the time will come when they will not tolerate sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance with their own desires,"
Those who care more about pleasure and the acceptance of others will defend sin and pummel those who speak against it. They do not think about the ramifications of the sin on themselves or the culture.
We have more poverty in this country than ever before because of divorce. We have angry children who have turned against authority, we have parents who are more lenient on children because they want to win the heart of their children because of their abandonment of the other parent. And, worse yet we have an increase in child molestation on the part of the non-bio children by second spouses.
Parents who are divorced and remarried experience intense rebellion of their children who resent the divorce and worse the remarriage. The new spouse in remarriage has no authority over the children and the children know it.
Children feel insecure, angry, sad even depresseded, lacking in confidence, and much more because of a split family.
Suicide in teens has risen since the 1970's.
An average of 3,703 suicide attempts are made by teenagers (grades 9-12) daily, with additional attempts in grades 7 and 8. Over 4 out of 5 individuals considering suicide give signs of their intentions. Jason Foundation
I am in my 70's now, never ever in my school years did we hear of a suicide in our schools, either in high school or elementary schools. It was non-existent. Suicide among teens has risen 40% since the 70's, and the divorce rate has doubled.
When families are fragmented the children feel unloved, the students in the schools become more hardened in heart and there is no one they can trust to bring them through their sadness.
I was raised in a family that had no love or kindness on a daily basis, I know how unhappy and dejected one can get when they don't feel love. My saving grace was to believe that one day it would all end when I could get away and have my own life. It helped to get through it but the battle was intense to maintain some fleeting happiness. However, I always had at least one friend I could talk to and relieve the pain of rejection momentarily.
When I married my husband I later found Christ and He healed my wounds and gave me permission to remove those from my life who brought continual negativity and demeaning. It was Christ Who healed me and began to direct me as I moved from a life of strife to a life of full joy.
Sadly those same attitudes I experienced in childhood among family members remain to this day and have not diminished but have increased through gossip against me to maintain the family attitude toward me and down to the next generation.
Exodus 34:7, which states that God will "visit the iniquity of the fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations.".
God does not punish children for the sins of their fathers, but the fathers have such influence over their children that the children do what the father did thinking it was good.
There is a saying; "more is caught than taught." Even if the father does not openly teach something he is always teaching by his own actions and attitudes.
Satan will see to it that the extended family remains in rebellion through lies against God as those he influences remain dedicated to family members above God. The father may be a wicked man but because he is the father he can do no wrong in the eyes of the children. I have seen wicked fathers upheld as special merely for being the father even when they were evil.
Anyone who steps out of the family structure to follow Christ will be targeted as someone who is deserving of hatred. The ungodly family structure will determine what they wish to believe about the outlier who walks away, and the family passes the sin on to the next generation.
It is amazing how many people will choose to believe something about a family member that is not true because they must discredit them for coming against sin and pressing into Christ.
Luke 21:15-17 "…15For I will give you speech and wisdom that none of your adversaries will be able to resist or contradict. 16 You will be betrayed even by parents and brothers and relatives and friends, and some of you will be put to death. 17And you will be hated by everyone because of My name.…"
Matthew 10:21
"Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rise against their parents and have them put to death."
It is rare to see children physically putting their parents to death but we do see them rejecting their parents as if they were dead to them.
If you doubt any of this ask God, when He opens the eyes of the blind they can never be closed again.
The longer we are away from wicked family systems the wider our eyes become. There is no going back to the doubt or questioning if we saw something correctly. The more we press into Christ the wider our eyes become and the less likely we are to miss anything from the past that kept us in bondage to sadness.
All sadness is gone and replaced by joy, all doubt is completely removed and replaced with the pure Word of God. When we rely entirely on Christ every day our emotions about family diminish greatly. That is not to say we don't hope that one day they will become saved, but it does mean that until that happens we must keep them at arms length. We must love them from afar as we wait on Christ.
Here are some Scriptures that will help us remain strong in our resolve to surround ourselves with those who love Christ. If we have to walk alone it will be full of joy and peace at the absence of hateful attitudes.
1 Corinthians 15:33 "
"Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”
The more time we spend with those who reject the Word of God the more likely we are to become like them. They will attempt to provoke us into sinful response and lie against us using what they think they know about us.
Proverbs 13:20
"He who walks with the wise will become wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed."
Proverbs 22:24-25
"Do not make friends with an angry man, and do not associate with a hot-tempered man, / or you may learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare."
Psalm 1:1
"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, or set foot on the path of sinners, or sit in the seat of mockers."
Proverbs 4:14-15
"Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evildoers. / Avoid it; do not travel on it. Turn from it and pass on by."
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