Often in the early years, children see it as an invasion of their person, for a parent to instruct or correct them, Their opinion of themselves is so high, it is anathema to even instruct let alone rebuke.
Adult children can be upset when they don't have enough money at the end of the paycheck, and equally angry because parents will not bail them out they hold their parent in contempt. Those who do not take care of business with wisdom, like to blame others rather than own what they did to themselves. The most irritating of all to these people is any mention of the principles of God.
Interesting how we should remain silent when they are making their mistakes, just letting them do it without counsel, but then they expect us to help them when they wouldn't listen in the first place, we are watching irrational thinking.
A wise man can say, "I did this to myself" when they misstep, while moving on to correct the mistake, doing things differently in the future. The wise adult child listens to elders and prays, the wise parent encourages them through their consequences not through bail-out.
The foolish son, when bailed out, does not learn, they keep repeating the same silly actions expecting life to get better, but they do not recognize that they have not changed the heart that caused the mess in the first place.
Proverbs 19:1-12
"19 Better is a poor man who walks in his integrity
Than he who is perverse in speech and is a fool.
2 Also it is not good for a person to be without knowledge,
And he who hurries his footsteps errs.
3 The foolishness of man ruins his way, And his heart rages against the Lord.
4 Wealth adds many friends, But a poor man is separated from his friend.
5 A false witness will not go unpunished, And he who tells lies will not escape.
6 Many will seek the favor of a generous man, And every man is a friend to him who gives gifts.
7 All the brothers of a poor man hate him; How much more do his friends abandon him! He pursues them with words, but they are gone.
8 He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; He who keeps understanding will find good.
9 A false witness will not go unpunished, And he who tells lies will perish.
10 Luxury is not fitting for a fool; Much less for a slave to rule over princes.
11 A man’s discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression.
12 The king’s wrath is like the roaring of a lion, But his favor is like dew on the grass."
Albert Einstein said "the definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting a different result."
Had they listened first, all their mess would have been prevented, there would be no need for a bail-out or consequences. I have seen this in the lives of many people, continually helping irresponsible children to remain irresponsible through bail-outs.
We learn from our mistakes but only if we go through them with consequences and hard work to correct them, even gladly accepting counsel from others who have been successful in their walk, learning from their mistakes and ready to share the solutions, so that others don't have to encounter what they did. Those who have successfully been through trials and mistakes, are the most qualified to counsel. Those who think they need no counsel delude themselves, maintaining an elevated view of their own importance, they are on a downward spiral, that later will be seen, even if it is hidden for a time.
Ungratefulness is becoming so common that even the seculars can no longer ignore it. We are living in times of ungratefulness! This ungratefulness is creating an attitude of entitlement. Many adult children won't listen to anything, they think their parents are stupid, rejecting their wisdom, while elevating only those that validate their foolishness or help them wallow in their mess as though their choices were someone else's fault. We are seeing many parents doubt their own wisdom because of the rejection and disrespect of their narcissistic adult children.
This has become so very common now, it is difficult to see successes, the attitudes are deeply selfish lacking empathy or kindness.
2 Timothy 3:1-5
"3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come.
2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy,
3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good,
4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."
When I speak of all that is going on now, it is not just to vent, it is to inform others of what God has warned us about, encouraging others, that they are not insane nor are they "negative." We really are seeing the end times played out in our lives up close and personal. We need to know this to seek God for the answer in terms of our responses.
I am learning that we cannot make anyone else understand, we can only warn and then walk away when we see they are not listening. A form of bailing out a rebellious person is to remain in their lives validating their lifestyle while they remain resistant to truth and change. All that we do is an influence to others looking on, none of our actions are unobserved by others.
For years I didn't know how to deal with what I was sure I was seeing, but couldn't prove. So many adults were accepting wrong attitudes, using the excuse that "they will grow out of it." People don't automatically grow out of bad attitudes, they have to be instructed and they must make a choice to embrace God's principles. Things just didn't seem right to me, anger was being returned for good solid and Biblical counsel. Attempts to make the principles of God look subjective, making those who told the truth look mean and insane.
As we encountered more of this in our culture, we began to accept that it was the unbelievers who were volatile and resentful. Unfortunately, we now see this unteachable mentality, rejection and resistance in the churches. The only people that get an ear of the rebellious heart are the "experts", those with special credentials behind their name. Once someone has bought into the idea that only those with credentials have the wisdom, then we have lost the fight, since so many credentialed people are not getting to the heart of the matter....being the heart of the person. They have techniques but they don't preach a changed heart.
All believers either have something to teach or something to learn, however when others will not listen nor will they seek, we are left with a vast void, a dearth of God's wisdom, an empty shell of a culture accomplishing nothing of value while demeaning and rejecting that which is valuable.
Here we are right now, with Bibles in nearly every home, churches on every other street corner and preachers in the media and yet, there is little wisdom being preached compared to the number of churches and preachers.
Amos 8:11
"Behold, days are coming," declares the Lord GOD, "When I will send a famine on the land, Not a famine for bread or a thirst for water, But rather for hearing the words of the LORD."
2 Timothy 4:3 "For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but wanting to have their ears tickled, they will accumulate for themselves teachers in accordance to their own desires,"
When we find ourselves being maligned and rejected for telling the truth of God's principles, knowing if only those hearing would accept them, their hearts and lives would change, in that order, the heart first and then the attitudes and actions will follow, we know we are living in the last days.
Matthew 15:18 ""But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man."
It is interesting that many people want others to fix their life for them, rather than doing the hard work needed to repair what they fashioned for themselves.
A good example was an experience I had many years ago. A woman coming from a wealthy family, who married a poor man. She had no experience in housekeeping because she had been raised with servants who did everything for her. Her husband came to me asking me to teach her how to keep and run a household, the wife seemed open too, so I agreed. This couple had lots of children, the woman was continually depressed, never got anything done in the house, frustrating her husband, he would come home having to make the dinner and clean house after spending all day at work, while she was at home.
I was happy to help, so I arranged a day to come to her house and begin instruction. Before that day arrived I developed a schedule for her to follow, sort of easing her into the process, knowing that too much all at once could overwhelm her and further discourage her. So, my plan was to give her a certain amount every day to do, beginning lightly and as she progressed over time doing more in a day.
I presented this plan to her, telling her not to look at the other days, she was to look only at the day she was in, to do only that day. I spent two hours with her and expected her to call me at the end of each day with her progress. At the end of the two hours she looked at me with frustration and said, "I thought you were going to help me." I explained that this was my help, that I had six children and a husband of my own and could not do anyone else's housework, unless they were ill, but I was happy to give her the schedule and receive phone calls any time she wanted.
It became clear that this young woman didn't want the kind of help I had to offer, what she wanted was for me to do the work for her. It became more evident as discussion progressed, I never heard from her again. I fear this is most of what we encounter in our culture today, many people don't want the skills taught to help them do their own work, they want others to do it for them.
Astonishingly, there are many who even want us to be their spirituality for them. There are people we encounter who want to be in the presence of the Lord, as Judas did, but they don't want to know Him and will abandon all semblance of spirituality when it doesn't meet with their idea of God or God's people. The churches are full of those who want God "their own way." Many of these people only have an appearance of spirituality when in the presence of other believers, but having little of their own when they are not with believers.
Probably the most frustrating dilemma of this time is the lack of interest in true spirituality. There is a lack of desire to ask God about anything except when they are in trouble. The irony of it is that if we knew the Word of God intimately, and I don't mean just knowledge of the stories, but principles for life, we may not get into the messes we get into. Obeying God's principles keeps us on track for avoiding pitfalls. When we find ourselves in a pitfall not of our own making, then we know what to do because we are intimate with Christ Who lives in us. Our mistakes are fewer and the remedy is quickly evidenced.
Christ is not an emergency stop gap measure to run to when something went wrong. We may find our prayers not being answered when we use God in this way. God is not interested in being a "stop gap measure", He desires an intimate relationships with us in which we seek Him everyday for all things. When we use Him and abuse Him, He will not answer when we really need Him.
Proverbs 1:28 ""Then they will call on me, but I will not answer; They will seek me diligently but they will not find me,"
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