To a narcissist, everyone is either a friend or an enemy. Things are either black or white, there can be no in between. This is why they cannot work out difficulties with friends and family. In order to work out difficulties, one must be able to admit their own flaws as well as the strength of the other guy. Narcissists cannot see the strengths in those with whom they are in competition.
A loving kind friend sees the side of their friend on matters before they even see their own side. With the narcissist, the side of the other person is not valid enough to even consider. Devaluing those who do not agree with them is their favorite tactic.
A friend is someone the narcissist can get supply from, these are people who elevated them as special, agree with them on everything and praise them constantly. Since no one could be completely themselves in a relationship like this there must remain only superficial friends, nothing deeper than the weather or gossiping about those they consider inferior to them.
The enemy is the one who does not do the bidding or treat them as they would any other person. It doesn't matter how kind you are to a narcissist, if you do not bow to their every whim and validate their every action, you become their enemies.
In order to be friends with a narcissist, you must lose yourself and become whatever they want you to be. One cannot walk with Christ and the narcissist at the same time.
I feel bad for the narcissist because they can never grow meaningful deep relationships with anyone. They live a life of continual boasting and adventure to maintain a superior position to everyone around them. They are in a state of internal sadness, this is why they do not smile or laugh as most people to at the simple things in life.
Imagine the burden to live as though you must impress people all the time in every encounter or visit. Not only is there the need to be superior there is the need to devalue anyone they believe might have risen above them. Even if the person is not above them or doesn't think they are, the narcissist must attempt to cause reactions in those for whom they have contempt to keep up their mentality of superiority.
All of these tactics of the narcissist are influences of the devil. He places these insecurities and child-like thoughts in those who are not walking with Christ. Remember the narcissist has the mentality of a bratty six-year-old, having tantrums and anger whenever they don't get their way.
We see this in every venue, the family structure, the church, schools, and even in politics. This phenomenon of narcissism is growing more intense and more frequent as we move toward the Tribulation.
The good news is that anyone who walks with Christ does not have to take any of this personally, it is a problem in the narcissist and has nothing to do with us. However, we must learn not to respond in kind to those who attempt to provoke us. To be able to do this we must walk in the Spirit, allowing the Holy Spirit to speak through us or keep us in silence if that is what is needed.
It is only pride that makes us feel that we have to answer every challenge or defend ourselves. We never have to defend ourselves, Christ will be our defense when it is needed.
It is also helpful to remember that a narcissist cannot be taught by good reasoning. Attempting to instruct a narcissist to resolve things only feeds them to become worse. Our responses are food for them. When we do not respond, when we do not answer back they are dumbfounded, unable to know what to do next.
2 Timothy 3:1-5 " But realize this, that in the last days difficult (ragingly insane) times will come. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these.
Why do I write so much about this subject, you might ask? Because this is becoming common, we must know how to handle it so that we do not become like them. The more we are around a particular system the more we act the way our constant companion's act. This is why we must be vigilant to surround ourselves with godly Spirit-filled believers who walk in love.
Proverbs 13:19-21 "…19 Desire fulfilled is sweet to the soul, but turning from evil is detestable to fools. 20 He who walks with the wise will become wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed. 21 Disaster pursues sinners, but prosperity is the reward of the righteous."
The prosperity spoken of here is not about material possessions or money, it is about Spiritually growing in holiness. Unsavory and wicked friends hold us back from walking the way we want to walk, that is in obedience to Christ and in Love.
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