I am the "Keeper of the Home", it is my job to see to it that nothing evil enters and that includes wicked people controlled by the devil to mock and destroy our marriage.
If there is anyone in your marriage that seems to be working to undermine it, in any way, they must not be allowed to continue in a relationship with us.
A common response of a narcissistic person is to "love us up" when we are doing their bidding and elevating them to god status. The more agreeable we are with them the more they want us around. Sadly though, the moment we express our own mind, maintain our own standards, even in small ways, we become a target for covert or overt revenge. There is an attempt on the part of the 2 Timothy 3 personality to beat us back into submission.
One thing for sure that I have experienced, is that narcs will do everything within their power to bring us back into submission to them, even over the smallest and silliest matters. They will seek to turn others against us by treating us as invisible and irrelevant, while attempting to influence others to dislike us. When we understand what is happening, then is when we can get our power back.
Let's be real! How much fun is it to be the person who always does another persons bidding while walking on egg shells to keep them from becoming angry at us. Personally I choose to have people around me that love me as I am and for who I am. If I see that someone is deliberately attempting to control me, even through the use of others in my life, then that person has to go.
Since I have gone no contact with those who treat me with contempt, the joy and peace has flooded back into my life. Wicked people who malign, demean and diminish us continually, will not stop and they will influence others to treat us the same way, by example. When we see this happening then we must move on from them and those they are able to influence. There are plenty of reasonable, kind people that we can develop friendships with, there is no need to be fearful that we will be alone, we always have Christ and we must do the work of letting righteous people into our lives.
I have had narcissists in my life who attempted to turn my own husband against me by doing covertly mean and demeaning things behind his back while pretending I was the problem. Those people have been expunged from my life and will stay out of it as long as they use these tactics. I really don't expect them to change, but that is all up to God. My life is no longer rife with petty turmoil, there is peace in our household.
I will continue to protect my marriage and my household from wicked controlling people who have only one thing in mind, that is to devalue me before my husband, for the purpose of beating me into submission to their desires. They actually think if they elevate him and pick on me, he will be against me too, thankfully that is not going to be the case.
My last years with my husband are going to be him and me, free from foolishness as far as I can help it. Thankfully the Lord has renewed my strength, given my husband and myself a stronger bond than ever before.
My advice to those with covertly mean adult children, is to move on, let them go, get on with your own life. Enjoy your husband building an even stronger bond than you had before. As long as hateful manipulative people are in your life, there will be no peace.
Proverbs 29:9 "When a wise man has a controversy with a foolish man, The foolish man either rages or laughs, and there is no rest."
I can see the eyes of those rebellious ones rolling now as they cannot stand that we no longer dance to their flute.
I have been encountering many people in the 50's to 60's age group who are experiencing adult child estrangement. Never did I think I would be meeting this many people who have nasty adult children.
The disrespect I am hearing about is shocking, not to mention the mentality that parents owe the adult children whatever resources they have. These adult children are hyper-sensitive to correction, criticism and rebuke much more than we ever were when we were young. We used to get embarrassed, but never thought about completely cutting someone off because they told us the truth or offered an opinion we didn't like.
Correction and straight talk was a normal course of life in my generation. Everyone spoke their mind, even in harsh terms if need be, but no one was cut them off permanently for their opinion or their correction. Now days when an adult child is rebuked or corrected, they tend to sever all ties to the parent, much the way a murder victims survivor would, no matter how small the correction was, since no disciplinary words would be acceptable under any circumstance.
In-law children play a huge roll in destroying or building parental ties to bio family.
Our culture has been raised on self esteem for the past 50 years, narcissism has grown exponentially without restraint. Our generation has raised the children to feel equal to the authority over them, therefore thinking they have every right to ignore God's mandates to honor the authorities He placed over them. They are full of arrogance, incensed at anyone who would dare to tell them they were wrong about something while feeling free to lecture and instruct their parents.
I have come to the conclusion that most fathers have not defended and upheld the integrity of their wives. The women are much more of a target because they are perceived as being weaker, easier prey. When the adult children have a sense that they want to be seen as good people but still want to punish the corrector, they will use insidious ploys to covertly carry out revenge under the radar.
While reading a post today about a woman who had been working through the sadness and grief of disrespectful and mean adult children, something that she said struck me between the eyes, the realization that she did the best she could, that it was the perspective of the adult children that was the problem.
So often when someone is unjust or mean we tend to wonder if we really did do something wrong, but upon serious reflection, and much prayer, we see that often we are doing what is right, instructing and correcting as commanded by God, but the children are convicted, rather than being humbled and growing they fight in anger resisting our teaching.
All this is a product of our times of rebellion as mentioned in 2 Timothy 3. We could say that part of it is our problem, no one is perfect, however the onus is on the child to honor the parent, it comes from God's Word.
When I tried to teach my children to call adults "Mr. and Mrs." and their last names, I was met often with adults who would not allow it, they would correct me and tell the children to call them by their first names, this undermined my authority and diminished respect for authority to equality with adults. When these same children grow up, they take with them the attitude that parents are to always be treated like peers rather than honored as above themselves. Once that honor is gone, there is no getting it back, the next generation does not know how to do it, nor do they begin to understand it.
We made this mess in one generation, through the teaching of self esteem in the schools, then it traveled into the churches and morphed into something much more monstrous and insidious than anyone expected. Now many parents are estranged from their adult children and even from their grandchildren. Grandchildren take on the attitudes of their parents over time, parents teach their grandchildren by example how to treat grandparents.
There is only one solution to all this mess, that is to stay close to God, pray continually and enjoy the time God has given you to be alone with Him. Perhaps one day some elderly parents will regain their families, but perhaps not, and if not, then we have Christ living in us. He provides all our needs and the love too! And, in the mean time God can work on those adult children, letting Him is better anyway.
Removing ourselves may be the best medicine for us and for them.
Isaiah 26:10 "Though the wicked is shown favor, He does not learn righteousness; He deals unjustly in the land of uprightness, And does not perceive the majesty of the LORD."
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