Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
What "Self Esteem" Teaching Has Created!
What Parents Can Learn From Teachers
The start of another school year is a big event for children and a big event for parents. Children have hopes of doing well and parents have hopes that their children will have a successful school year. Teachers also have hopes for the new school year.
This past summer, I was involved in a continuing education program for teachers. Teachers as you know are required to take continuing education courses to increase their effectiveness as teachers. During my discussion time with the teachers in my classes this summer, I asked them, how many had been teaching for over 20 years. The majority of the teachers raised their hands. I next asked them if they had seen any changes in children over the past 20 years. Their response was an instant yes. Unfortunately the changes they had observed over the past 20 years were not in the positive direction. Here is what they said:
The teachers I questioned of course were not referring to every single student. There are exceptions to the statements they made. However, without a doubt, the teachers I talked with were confident that the trends they have been observing involve the majority of their students.
As I listened to the concerns of the teachers this summer, I wondered what advice I could in turn, give to parents. Here is what I believe parents can learn from the trends teachers are seeing in their schools today.
CHILDREN GENERALLY DON'T RESPECT THEIR TEACHERS
There is no question that children have displayed an increase of disrespectful behavior towards adults over the past 20 years. I believe there are many reasons for this. Some of the reasons are:
Popular sitcoms where kids are allowed to talk back and make wise disrespectful statements to the adult characters; the laugh sound track associated with these statements give kids the impression that the often rude remarks are funny and acceptable.
Another source for today’s disrespect comes from 20 years of permissive parenting. Child experts in the past have convinced parents to not scold, punish or upset their children with discipline and to treat children as equals.
Movies have also played a part in encouraging children to be disrespectful of the adults in their lives. A recent "family" movie, for example ended with a little boy referring to his grandfather as an “old fart.”
The important point for parents to realize is that this trend of disrespect is not a good trend. Children who do well in life are children who have grown up learning to be respectful of adults and respectful of teachers. Many children will continue to be wise and rude to their teachers and even threaten them with lawsuits. But, as a parent you can go a long way towards helping your child have a successful life by teaching them while they are young, to be respectful of adults and their teachers.
CHILDREN ARE DISRESPECTFUL OF THEIR PEERS
Children have always been competitive with other children. And children have always teased and made fun of other children and formed cliques. But we have learned two things about today’s children from our research. One is that playful teasing has now become increasingly nasty. And secondly we have learned that continued disrespectful behavior between children can end up damaging a child’s personality.
Many professionals like myself believe that peer cruelty is out of control in our schools today. When children learn to be mean and nasty at an early age to other children they are learning a terrible lesson about life. So it is very important for parents to monitor how their children respond to other children and to help them become aware of the feelings and needs of other children. The biggest problem we have in our world today is people not being able to get along. Our hope for the future is in teaching children to become aware that cruel and nasty behavior is wrong and will hold them back in life.
CHILDREN ARE DISRESPECTFUL OF THEIR BELONGINGS
I no sooner heard this comment from teachers when I heard their follow up comment. They said, “Dr. you would not believe what our lost and found looks like...it looks like a fine department store.” And then the teachers related to me how surprised they are that the children are not concerned or worried over what they have lost or misplaced. A common comment from kids they said is, “my parents will buy me another one.”
In my opinion, only children who are indulged and showered with too much, could respond to losing their belongings in this manner. The answer to this problem is, of course, for parents to put the brakes on over-buying things for their children. Parents also need to let their children suffer the consequences of doing without the clothes, walkman, toy, etc. they lost. If a child has been repeatedly careless with his belongings, the parents should not rush out to buy a replacement.
Teachers often spend more time each day with children than parents. This means parents can learn a lot from teachers about the behavior of their children. The consensus today is that parents would be doing their children a huge favor by making sure to teach respect for authority, respect for peers and respect for possessions.
This past summer, I was involved in a continuing education program for teachers. Teachers as you know are required to take continuing education courses to increase their effectiveness as teachers. During my discussion time with the teachers in my classes this summer, I asked them, how many had been teaching for over 20 years. The majority of the teachers raised their hands. I next asked them if they had seen any changes in children over the past 20 years. Their response was an instant yes. Unfortunately the changes they had observed over the past 20 years were not in the positive direction. Here is what they said:
- Children today are disrespectful of their teachers
- Children today are disrespectful of their peers
- Children today are disrespectful of their possessions
The teachers I questioned of course were not referring to every single student. There are exceptions to the statements they made. However, without a doubt, the teachers I talked with were confident that the trends they have been observing involve the majority of their students.
As I listened to the concerns of the teachers this summer, I wondered what advice I could in turn, give to parents. Here is what I believe parents can learn from the trends teachers are seeing in their schools today.
CHILDREN GENERALLY DON'T RESPECT THEIR TEACHERS
There is no question that children have displayed an increase of disrespectful behavior towards adults over the past 20 years. I believe there are many reasons for this. Some of the reasons are:
Popular sitcoms where kids are allowed to talk back and make wise disrespectful statements to the adult characters; the laugh sound track associated with these statements give kids the impression that the often rude remarks are funny and acceptable.
Another source for today’s disrespect comes from 20 years of permissive parenting. Child experts in the past have convinced parents to not scold, punish or upset their children with discipline and to treat children as equals.
Movies have also played a part in encouraging children to be disrespectful of the adults in their lives. A recent "family" movie, for example ended with a little boy referring to his grandfather as an “old fart.”
The important point for parents to realize is that this trend of disrespect is not a good trend. Children who do well in life are children who have grown up learning to be respectful of adults and respectful of teachers. Many children will continue to be wise and rude to their teachers and even threaten them with lawsuits. But, as a parent you can go a long way towards helping your child have a successful life by teaching them while they are young, to be respectful of adults and their teachers.
CHILDREN ARE DISRESPECTFUL OF THEIR PEERS
Children have always been competitive with other children. And children have always teased and made fun of other children and formed cliques. But we have learned two things about today’s children from our research. One is that playful teasing has now become increasingly nasty. And secondly we have learned that continued disrespectful behavior between children can end up damaging a child’s personality.
Many professionals like myself believe that peer cruelty is out of control in our schools today. When children learn to be mean and nasty at an early age to other children they are learning a terrible lesson about life. So it is very important for parents to monitor how their children respond to other children and to help them become aware of the feelings and needs of other children. The biggest problem we have in our world today is people not being able to get along. Our hope for the future is in teaching children to become aware that cruel and nasty behavior is wrong and will hold them back in life.
CHILDREN ARE DISRESPECTFUL OF THEIR BELONGINGS
I no sooner heard this comment from teachers when I heard their follow up comment. They said, “Dr. you would not believe what our lost and found looks like...it looks like a fine department store.” And then the teachers related to me how surprised they are that the children are not concerned or worried over what they have lost or misplaced. A common comment from kids they said is, “my parents will buy me another one.”
In my opinion, only children who are indulged and showered with too much, could respond to losing their belongings in this manner. The answer to this problem is, of course, for parents to put the brakes on over-buying things for their children. Parents also need to let their children suffer the consequences of doing without the clothes, walkman, toy, etc. they lost. If a child has been repeatedly careless with his belongings, the parents should not rush out to buy a replacement.
Teachers often spend more time each day with children than parents. This means parents can learn a lot from teachers about the behavior of their children. The consensus today is that parents would be doing their children a huge favor by making sure to teach respect for authority, respect for peers and respect for possessions.
Monday, September 26, 2011
The Greatest Hope That Has Ever Been Promised! Hallelujah!
“Listen to Me, you who follow after righteousness,
You who seek the Lord:
Look to the rock from which you were hewn,
And to the hole of the pit from which you were dug.
Look to Abraham your father, And to Sarah to who bore you;
For I called you alone, And blessed Him and increased Him.
For the Lord will comfort Zion
He will comfort all her waste places;
He will make her wilderness like Eden
And her desert like the garden of the Lord;
Joy and gladness will be found in it,
Thanksgiving and the voice of melody.
Listen to Me, My people;
And give ear to Me, O My nation:
For law will proceed from Me, And I will make My justice rest.
As a light of the peoples.
My righteousness is near, My salvation has gone forth,
And my arms will judge the peoples;
The coastlands will wait upon Me, And on My arm they will trust.
Lift up your eyes to the heavens, And look on the earth beneath.
For the heavens will vanish away like smoke,
The earth will grow old like a garment,
And those who dwell in it will die in like manner;
But My salvation will be forever,
And My righteousness will not be abolished
Listen to Me, you who know righteousness,
You people in whose heart is My law:
Do not fear the reproach of men, Nor be afraid of their revilings.
For the moth will eat them up like a garment, And the worm will eat them like wool;
But My righteousness will be forever,
And My salvation from generation to generation.
Isaiah 51: 1-8
"The Love of Many Will Grow Cold"
http://www.facebook.com/notes/kristen-leisa-chesnut/the-use-of-cell-lines-from-aborted-babies-for-flavor-enhancement-research-and-yo/264372996927872
I was sent this article by a face book friend recently, the content was very disturbing, even sickening. If this article is accurate then I fear that we are on the slippery slope, sliding into wholesale euthanasia for those who are not considered productive, crippled, retarded or too old to be an asset to our culture. This is already happening to some degree, but we are moving toward many more outrageous acts of vicious evils than ever before in the history of our country.
The "utopian" ideals that permeated Hitler's thinking and his friend Margaret Sanger were what motivated the fuehrer to carry out the many atrocities that he planned and executed during his reign. During the terrible assault on the Jewish people, their body parts were used for various household goods, skin was used for lamp shades and their hair for weaving rugs.
The evil that Hitler inflicted on the world was beyond the pale. They were so horrendous that, when the news began to expose these things, many people didn't believe it. We still have Hitler's in our world and even in our country. They can not carry out the same things that Hitler did, but they have the same wickedness in their hearts. Given enough power and influence, many of our leaders are capable of the abominations He perpetrated and worse.
We know this by the rampant use of abortion for the sake of convenience. Margaret Sanger wrote in her book, "Pivot of Civilization" that blacks were inferior stock and should not be allowed to propagate." Her desire to control and eliminate the black population is on its way to fruition. The African American population in our country practices abortion as a form of birth control far more than any other people group in our country. Ms. Sanger is getting her desire, she, along with Planned Parenthood, have managed to deceive the black community into believing that killing their children will eliminate their problems and make their life easier. There are some African Americans who are against abortion, but many who are, will vote democrat nearly every election in spite of the fact that the democrats hold the most stringent line on pro-abortion politics than any other party.
We have become used to all these evils, Satan has introduced each evil, one at a time, as we become used to each one, he then introduces another one, when that one becomes common place and non threatening to our personal life, we begin to ignore it and even embrace it. We have been sliding into the abyss for 65 years now with the onset of the "self esteem" teaching.
Satan first had to convince the culture that we must think of ourselves to have a quality life, then he deceived us into believing that individuality and personal rights were tantamount to a productive and meritorious life. The objective in all this teaching was to persuade the populous that if we could be self reliant, self absorbed and self accomplished, we would live the ultimate life of ease and pleasure.
What we have gained by this model for living has been broken families, lonely, angry, frustrated children engaging in activities that destroy their lives, drugs, alcohol and immorality leading to a complete lack of commitment to anyone or anything. Marriage is dissolved on a whim, children are killed for the sake of convenience, elderly are neglected, bills left unpaid, free handouts are commonplace, the list could easily fill a book.
We have gained nothing by this hatred for service to others. The love is gone, and the Lord said it would be that way.
Matthew 24:12 “And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold.”
When we see mothers who hate their babies enough to kill them, or divorce their father without regard to the well being of the children, we are walking in selfishness. Every time we see a woman leaving her household to earn money without concern for the raising of the children or their emotional well being, we are walking in that cold loveless state of being that Satan loves.
There are those who are not hateful but have allowed the deception in their lives because they want to be able to do what is easier. They have lied to themselves in believing that the divorce would make a better life for the children or that the school down the street would teach them better than we can. They have accepted the lie that our worth comes from our careers and self exaltation. Our lives do not have more love in them because of these patterns of thinking; they have become worse and loveless.
When self is on the throne, there is no peace, or happiness, not the kind of happiness from doing what is noble and right. The phony happiness that comes from bragging about our jobs or personal accomplishments, is as fleeting as the wind, and must continue day in and day out to bring happiness. The joy of the Lord that dwells in the depth of the soul based on commitment and purpose is what lasts. It is sustained by the Lord and never leaves, because obedience to Him brings that permanent and abiding love that only He can give.
True love will never come as long as selfishness abounds. When we see God’s ways as important and essential in our existence, then we will experience His wonderful love and purpose.
Matthew 23:12 “And whoever exalts himself will be abased and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
Friday, September 23, 2011
Narcissism: The Subtle Epidemic
There was a time when Narcissism was a mere thought related to Greek Mythology. When we thought of Narcissism, we were picturing the beautiful young man named Narcissus, who gazed into a lake and fell in love with himself. He could no longer think of anyone or anything else, his love for himself overshadowed anything else that was going on in the world.
The term Narcissism became synonymous with total selfishness and the person who thought of no one else but himself. A generation ago, this type of person was not so evident, there may have been many but the culture was not accepting of it, so they masked their attitudes to fit into society.
We now have an epidemic of the narcissistic traits that used to be a footnote among families, at school and in the work place. Narcissism didn’t work well in our culture so it was much more hidden, but with the onset of “self esteem” teaching we have seen a tsunami effect in the last 40 years of this insidious evil of self awareness.
What do we see when we are looking at a narcissist? We might see a person who lacks empathy for the needs or well being of others. They take and take and give little or nothing back. The Narcissist values their possessions and status over people.
An example of this is the story of a young woman; we’ll call her Polly, who thought so completely of herself that she would become angry when she did not get her way. Polly managed to twist whatever someone did for her into something mean and terrible, because the gift that was given her was not what she wanted. She never seemed to be able to look beyond the gift to the kindness of the act. Life was all about getting what she wanted the way she wanted it.
One day Polly and her husband had someone over for dinner on a Sunday afternoon. Polly was not a diligent person because she was so selfish, she puttered around the kitchen doing very little to prepare for her guests and when the guests arrived, the food was not ready and her friends were very hungry.
They waited and waited for the meal to be served, but two hours passed before the guests realized perhaps there wasn’t going to be any dinner. The lady guest, we’ll call her Dorcus, thought that there might be a misunderstanding about dinner so she commented, “I am sorry, I guess I misunderstood, we thought that we were invited to dinner.” Polly, became agitated and responded that “you were, but I have just not gotten a chance to fix it yet.”
Dorcus, realizing that this evening was not going to be easy, said to Polly, “perhaps I can help you in the kitchen, I am sure the guys are hungry by now.” Polly felt incensed that Dorcus would say this but said yes to the offer of help. Dorcus asked Polly what she had planned to make, and Polly presented her with some uncooked meat and unpeeled potatoes.
Polly flitted about the kitchen gathering the uncooked dinner items and presenting them to Dorcus. Dorcus began to work on cooking the meal while Polly stood clamoring about everything but the food. Dorcus ended up making the entire dinner with very little help from Polly. The dinner was served, Dorcus set the table too, and they all sat down to eat. During the meal it was apparent to Dorcus’s husband that she had done most or all of the work, and thanked his wife for making a delicious meal. Polly was angry at this display of gratefulness, because she had considered that it was her kitchen and therefore, she should have received the compliment of a good dinner.
This scenerio is the reaction of a narcissistic personality. They do not do what should be done and when someone else steps up to the plate to get the job done and gets the credit, they become angry. Their thinking is twisted in that, they tend to day dream in their thoughts that since there was food in their kitchen and it got cooked, that they are the ones who cooked it, and should get the praise.
It did not occur to Polly to thank Dorcus for doing the meal for her, or that she (Polly) had fallen down in her responsibility to her guests in the area of hospitality. She simply was embarrassed that she did not get praised and was jealous that her friend did her job for her and worst of all someone else received gracious attention from others.
To further show the mindset of a narcissist we can take a look at another story containing similar thought patterns.
This story is about Gloria and her mother in law Charity. One afternoon Gloria’s mother in law called Gloria to see if it would be alright to come and visit her, something that didn’t happen very often because of the distance between their homes, too far to make regular trips.
Upon arriving at Gloria’s home, Charity knocked on the door several times because no one seemed to be coming. After a few minutes at the door, she heard Gloria shouting from the kitchen in the back for her six year old son to answer the door.
Howard, Charity’s grandson came to the door, opened it and ran away without a word. Charity walked into the house toward the kitchen looking for Gloria, thinking that she was probably in the bathroom and couldn’t get to the door. Gloria was sitting in a chair looking at a magazine when her mother in law walked into the kitchen.
Gloria never moved from her chair and lifted her head for a moment to say hello. Charity sat down at the table where her daughter in law was sitting and began to attempt a conversation. Gloria would look up from her magazine occasionally as her mother in law spoke. After about twenty minutes her mother in law noticed a coffee pot on the counter with a little coffee left in it, seeing that no one was going to offer her something, she politely asked if she may have a cup of coffee. Gloria apologized for her oversight and told her mother in law to go ahead and get her own. Charity got up from the table to serve herself. At this point Gloria said that she didn’t think there was enough in the pot, so she got up to make some tea instead.
While the tea was brewing, Gloria went to the china cabinet to get out a very special cup that was a collector’s cup of fine porcelain, where three other cups of the same quality sat. Then she walked over to the cupboard and pulled from it an everyday cup and placed them both on the counter.
After brewing the tea, she poured the tea into the cups and brought them to the table. She handed the everyday cup to her mother in law and sat down to enjoy her tea from the special cup.
Narcissistic personality disordered people would not understand if you told them, that this was an insulting action on the part of the daughter in law. Gloria wanted the best cup in the house and didn’t want to take a chance on someone else breaking the other special cups so she didn’t share the best with her guest. Or Gloria didn’t think at all, she just wanted that cup and it didn’t occur to her that there was someone else in the room.
Most mothers in law would feel hurt that they were treated as second class citizens, not worthy or responsible enough to handle using the “good cups.” It wasn’t a question of what kind of cup that was used. Mothers in laws don’t really care what their coffee was served in, but the insult was that Gloria chose to pamper herself in front of her mother in law while sending the message that her mother in law was not worthy of the same quality that she was.
There is another trait of the narcissist that is very disturbing, an attitude that leaves us in complete shock when we encounter it, and that is the lack of empathy shown for the heartache and troubles of others.
In this story we will show that the narcissist cares only about whether or not they are personally inconvenienced, and never about the friend or relative who may have been harmed.
This is the story about the son and daughter in law who are so completely absorbed in their own pleasure and convenience that they are willing to throw the mother in law under the bus to remain in control. Narcissism is all about controlling others to maintain the top position.
One day Trudy set out with her grandson on a little trip to see her son, daughter in law and her other grandchildren. The child she brought with her was from another family. Again, while at the home, the mother in law was offered no refreshment until she asked for it, which seems to be a classic trait of narcissists. It does not occur to them to be hospitable. While visiting in the house with her son and daughter in law, the grandchild who came with Granny went outside to play.
Suddenly there was a blood curdling scream from the front porch and a terrifying growling and snarling sound. The grandson was on the porch floor crying and screaming while the dog was attacking with bites over and over again, leaving small open wounds on the child. The son pulled the dog off the child and held it back while the child went inside. The son stood petting the dog and explaining how the dog was there to frighten away the coyotes. Neither the son nor daughter in law ran to see the wounds of the cousin. Granny went inside to see if he was alright, but the daughter in law and the son made no moves to get medicine for the wounds or even look at them until granny told them that the dog left bite wounds all over the child’s head.
The mother in law, angry at the lack of concern for the child and the pampering of the dog, began to lecture the couple on their laxity in having such a dog at their home. The son continued to make excuses for the dog because he chased off the coyotes. When told that the dog could harm children and even get them in trouble with the law, the response was, “the dog doesn’t hurt our children.”
Granny could see that she was not going to be able to get through to these very self absorbed people, in an attempt to show them that they were callous and mean. Granny left the house to take her grandson back home, while there was no apology at the time, from the couple for the dog attack.
The attitudes that followed were beyond belief. The couple was angry at the mother in law for “chewing them out” and cut off all contact with her for her rudeness. Her suggestion that the dog be put down was spurned and treated with contempt as though she had done something wrong in the rebuke.
This is a classic reaction in the characteristics of the narcissist. They can not see their own sin, and when others point out their sin, they are accused of being mean. The mother in law was cut off from them and told she needed to apologize for her actions. When she sent birthday gifts or cards there was no indication of receiving them and the last card that went in the mails came back.
This leads us to another trait of the narcissist; they have to always be in control and therefore will use subtle and not so subtle forms of manipulation to control their victim. If their victim can not be controlled and will not fall into their web, they then cut them off entirely. The narcissist can not stand to be corrected and must be in control of all their relationships or those that will not submit are excluded and deleted. There is no room in their life for anyone who will not cower to their manipulative tricks.
With a narcissist winning the game is all that matters, even if it means lying or stretching the truth to win. They leave a wake of broken relationships, constantly moving on to new ones because when they are discovered to be narcissists, their friends avoid them. They are toxic and will not relent until they get their own way.
They tend to be very superficial and avoid talking about Biblical matters or character development. They tend to know what buttons to push to rile a person and then when the person reacts they point the finger at them as though the victim started it all. Their main goal is to turn others against their victim so that they have a sense of first place in the lives of those they wish to impress.
The narcissist has a very high opinion of themselves and have grandiose views of their abilities, whether or not they are accomplished, does not matter, only that they believe they are wonderful, is all that matters, they live in a dream world.
The narcissist has a frightening lack of remorse in anything that they do, and no respect for others. Fear is one of the tactics of the narcissist, they will accuse you of things you are not doing, malign your reputation with others to gain advantage and deny that they did it. They may display respect to gain an advantage in some way, but when they are found out they will turn and rend you while running away to find someone else to prey on. The Narcissist is guiltless and empty.
"Because their inner life is so restricted and essentially dead, it doesn't contain images of how to live a full life -- these things are not important to them, they expect others to look after day-to-day chores, they resent wasting their specialness on common things, they don't put their heart into their work (though they'll tell you how many hours they put into it), they borrow their opinions and preferences and tastes from whomever strikes them as authoritative at the moment." From: "How to Recognize a Narcissist"
"Because their inner life is so restricted and essentially dead, it doesn't contain images of how to live a full life -- these things are not important to them, they expect others to look after day-to-day chores, they resent wasting their specialness on common things, they don't put their heart into their work (though they'll tell you how many hours they put into it), they borrow their opinions and preferences and tastes from whomever strikes them as authoritative at the moment." From: "How to Recognize a Narcissist"
Our question might be what does a Christian do with these kinds of people? How do we handle relationships with someone like this?
1 Peter 5:8 says that the devil is like a roaring lion roaming around seeking whom he can devour. Satan uses these people to upset families and relationships. The narcissist must grow a conscience where there is none. They must begin to develop empathy and diligence in order to be a decent member of society. The only way this can happen is for them to become a new creation through the saving blood of Jesus Christ. Outside of this occurrence there can be no hope for the narcissist.
Without Christ the narcissist does not change and even becomes worse as they grow older and more effective in their methods. The only hope for them is salvation through Christ, so the answer to the question, what do I do with a narcissist, is to pray that the Lord do a mighty work in their life and that He tell you what He wants from you. Sometimes it is vitally important to get your family away from these people, and other times God may want you to remain in their life for a period of time to be a light.
Some scriptures that we find that give a vivid description of the narcissist are located in Romans 1: 28-32, 2 Timothy 3 and 1 Timothy 4. These passages show us how terrible these people can become and even the devastating effect they can have on the believer and his family. We must be carefully in prayer when dealing with them and in some cases we are called to have nothing to do with them.
If the Lord saves them, then we can rejoice and have fellowship, but until then we are not to have fellowship with the darkness. As the Lord says, bad company corrupts good character. We never want to place ourselves in the position of continual contact with someone who will affect our walk with the Lord or bait us into conflicts.
There are many more stories just like these that could be told and I am sure you have some of your own to tell. May the Lord bless you, as you seek Him for specific answers to specific situations.
Monday, September 19, 2011
What Does It Mean To Encourage?
There are more times in the Word when the Lord corrects and rebukes than there are positive words from our Lord. He came to earth to show us our sinful nature, cause us to repent, and then instruct us in the Christian walk once we are saved. This requires continual correction, we are a stubborn lot, all of us, need to be reminded that what we are doing, saying and thinking needs redirection. When I meet a purely positive person I become nauseated when I hear the gooey sounds of flattery. The Lord condemns such flattery by saying that those who do it are "spreading a net for your feet." Flattery does not cause us to change our ways, it only leaves us feeling wonderful where we are. And, it creates in us the pride that resists any correction that may be needed. If we love our brother encourage him by telling the truth about his actions that he might learn to obey God. Encouragement is not the same as flattery, in fact it is the opposite. Encouragement tells us that we can do better and move forward and grow. Flattery says that we are wonderful the way we are and that we don't need to grow. I choose to be encouraged and not flattered. Besides, the Lord told us not to trust a flatterer, he is only hoping to gain an advantage over us by it.
Should I Offer Forgiveness Without Repentance
By Allison Stevens
Unconditional forgiveness is canceling a debt to all those who intentionally offend us, whether or not they own up to what they have done. Offering forgiveness without repentance, however, does not follow the biblical model of forgiveness (Luke 17:3,4).
The Bible says that we are to forgive as God forgave us (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13). God forgives us when we repent (Mark 1:15,Luke 13:3,5, Acts 3:19). He does not grant forgiveness to those of us who are stiff-necked and refuse to repent. We must recognize our sin and repent to receive and enjoy God’s merciful forgiveness. God requires repentance and so must we.
Repentance is important because it’s a person’s only hope for real change (Matthew 18:3; Acts 26:20). If we don’t admit our sin, it’s impossible to be transformed. If we aren’t keenly aware of the sinful direction our lives are going, we will not see a need to adjust the direction. Repentance demonstrates that we need God to help us change our thinking, attitudes, and behavior.
An unrepentant person maintains a sense of control over his life through pride, which can lead to destruction, violence, and animosity (Proverbs 8:13; 16:18; 29:23). Turning toward God (repentance) is necessary to break the cycle of destructive behaviors and patterns of relating to others. If as believers we don’t require repentance on the part of the offender, we stand in the way of that person’s coming to see his need for God and experiencing His forgiveness. To put it simply, forgiveness is a two-way process: repentance on the part of the offender and pardon on the part of the offended.
When only one part of the forgiveness process takes place, the hurt felt by the offended one can lead to hatred, bitterness, and desire for revenge. Because we desperately want relief from the gnawing desire to get even, we can be tempted to let an issue go, or “forgive” without ever confronting the person or waiting for him to show remorse.
It’s wrong, however, to assume that if we don’t forgive someone, we’ll be weighed down with hatred, bitterness, and revengeful desires. That’s not necessarily true because the Bible says we are to love a person regardless of whether or not he or she shows any remorse. We can love our enemies1, but continue to have an unsettled issue with them. In many cases, it is more loving to withhold forgiveness until a change of heart is demonstrated than it is to offer forgiveness without the offender’s acknowledgment of deliberate wrongdoing.
Instead of giving in to revenge, we can soften our hearts toward those who have hurt us when we humbly admit that we, too, have hurt others. It is only by God’s grace that we can enjoy His goodness toward us at all. Just as important, we can have faith that God will avenge if it is necessary (Leviticus 19:18, Romans 12:19-21) and that He will hold each of us accountable (Romans 14:12; Hebrews 4:13 ). We don’t need to worry because our pain doesn’t go unnoticed by our Lord (Psalm 147:3). With that frame of mind, we can demonstrate a deeper trust in God and be led to pray for those who’ve hurt us.
Yes, an unconditional pardon can be granted without the offender ever knowing they’ve hurt us. But this one-sided “forgiveness” is not in our best interest, nor in the best interest of the person who hurt us. It devalues the significance of repentance and robs both the offender and us of the opportunity to grow in Christ.An enemy can be defined as one who intentionally hurts us, is destructive, and can’t be trusted because of his or her lack of remorse. Unconditional forgiveness implies that our response to our enemies should be to offer a pardon with no response on the part of the offender. The Bible teaches, however, that we should respond to our enemies in love (Matthew 5:44). Scripture does not teach that we need to forgive our enemies. Instead, we should love them and pray for them. Love and forgiveness are not synonymous.
The ultimate purpose of forgiveness is the healing of a relationship. This healing occurs only when the offender repents and demonstrates remorse and the offended one grants a pardon and demonstrates loving acceptance.
Unconditional forgiveness is canceling a debt to all those who intentionally offend us, whether or not they own up to what they have done. Offering forgiveness without repentance, however, does not follow the biblical model of forgiveness (Luke 17:3,4).
The Bible says that we are to forgive as God forgave us (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13). God forgives us when we repent (Mark 1:15,Luke 13:3,5, Acts 3:19). He does not grant forgiveness to those of us who are stiff-necked and refuse to repent. We must recognize our sin and repent to receive and enjoy God’s merciful forgiveness. God requires repentance and so must we.
Repentance is important because it’s a person’s only hope for real change (Matthew 18:3; Acts 26:20). If we don’t admit our sin, it’s impossible to be transformed. If we aren’t keenly aware of the sinful direction our lives are going, we will not see a need to adjust the direction. Repentance demonstrates that we need God to help us change our thinking, attitudes, and behavior.
An unrepentant person maintains a sense of control over his life through pride, which can lead to destruction, violence, and animosity (Proverbs 8:13; 16:18; 29:23). Turning toward God (repentance) is necessary to break the cycle of destructive behaviors and patterns of relating to others. If as believers we don’t require repentance on the part of the offender, we stand in the way of that person’s coming to see his need for God and experiencing His forgiveness. To put it simply, forgiveness is a two-way process: repentance on the part of the offender and pardon on the part of the offended.
When only one part of the forgiveness process takes place, the hurt felt by the offended one can lead to hatred, bitterness, and desire for revenge. Because we desperately want relief from the gnawing desire to get even, we can be tempted to let an issue go, or “forgive” without ever confronting the person or waiting for him to show remorse.
It’s wrong, however, to assume that if we don’t forgive someone, we’ll be weighed down with hatred, bitterness, and revengeful desires. That’s not necessarily true because the Bible says we are to love a person regardless of whether or not he or she shows any remorse. We can love our enemies1, but continue to have an unsettled issue with them. In many cases, it is more loving to withhold forgiveness until a change of heart is demonstrated than it is to offer forgiveness without the offender’s acknowledgment of deliberate wrongdoing.
Instead of giving in to revenge, we can soften our hearts toward those who have hurt us when we humbly admit that we, too, have hurt others. It is only by God’s grace that we can enjoy His goodness toward us at all. Just as important, we can have faith that God will avenge if it is necessary (Leviticus 19:18, Romans 12:19-21) and that He will hold each of us accountable (Romans 14:12; Hebrews 4:13 ). We don’t need to worry because our pain doesn’t go unnoticed by our Lord (Psalm 147:3). With that frame of mind, we can demonstrate a deeper trust in God and be led to pray for those who’ve hurt us.
Yes, an unconditional pardon can be granted without the offender ever knowing they’ve hurt us. But this one-sided “forgiveness” is not in our best interest, nor in the best interest of the person who hurt us. It devalues the significance of repentance and robs both the offender and us of the opportunity to grow in Christ.An enemy can be defined as one who intentionally hurts us, is destructive, and can’t be trusted because of his or her lack of remorse. Unconditional forgiveness implies that our response to our enemies should be to offer a pardon with no response on the part of the offender. The Bible teaches, however, that we should respond to our enemies in love (Matthew 5:44). Scripture does not teach that we need to forgive our enemies. Instead, we should love them and pray for them. Love and forgiveness are not synonymous.
The ultimate purpose of forgiveness is the healing of a relationship. This healing occurs only when the offender repents and demonstrates remorse and the offended one grants a pardon and demonstrates loving acceptance.
Should I Offer Forgiveness Without Repentance
By Allison Stevens
Unconditional forgiveness is canceling a debt to all those who intentionally offend us, whether or not they own up to what they have done. Offering forgiveness without repentance, however, does not follow the biblical model of forgiveness (Luke 17:3,4).
The Bible says that we are to forgive as God forgave us (Ephesians 4:32, Colossians 3:13). God forgives us when we repent (Mark 1:15,Luke 13:3,5, Acts 3:19). He does not grant forgiveness to those of us who are stiff-necked and refuse to repent. We must recognize our sin and repent to receive and enjoy God’s merciful forgiveness. God requires repentance and so must we.
Repentance is important because it’s a person’s only hope for real change (Matthew 18:3; Acts 26:20). If we don’t admit our sin, it’s impossible to be transformed. If we aren’t keenly aware of the sinful direction our lives are going, we will not see a need to adjust the direction. Repentance demonstrates that we need God to help us change our thinking, attitudes, and behavior.
An unrepentant person maintains a sense of control over his life through pride, which can lead to destruction, violence, and animosity (Proverbs 8:13; 16:18; 29:23). Turning toward God (repentance) is necessary to break the cycle of destructive behaviors and patterns of relating to others. If as believers we don’t require repentance on the part of the offender, we stand in the way of that person’s coming to see his need for God and experiencing His forgiveness. To put it simply, forgiveness is a two-way process: repentance on the part of the offender and pardon on the part of the offended.
When only one part of the forgiveness process takes place, the hurt felt by the offended one can lead to hatred, bitterness, and desire for revenge. Because we desperately want relief from the gnawing desire to get even, we can be tempted to let an issue go, or “forgive” without ever confronting the person or waiting for him to show remorse.
It’s wrong, however, to assume that if we don’t forgive someone, we’ll be weighed down with hatred, bitterness, and revengeful desires. That’s not necessarily true because the Bible says we are to love a person regardless of whether or not he or she shows any remorse. We can love our enemies1, but continue to have an unsettled issue with them. In many cases, it is more loving to withhold forgiveness until a change of heart is demonstrated than it is to offer forgiveness without the offender’s acknowledgment of deliberate wrongdoing.
Instead of giving in to revenge, we can soften our hearts toward those who have hurt us when we humbly admit that we, too, have hurt others. It is only by God’s grace that we can enjoy His goodness toward us at all. Just as important, we can have faith that God will avenge if it is necessary (Leviticus 19:18, Romans 12:19-21) and that He will hold each of us accountable (Romans 14:12; Hebrews 4:13 ). We don’t need to worry because our pain doesn’t go unnoticed by our Lord (Psalm 147:3). With that frame of mind, we can demonstrate a deeper trust in God and be led to pray for those who’ve hurt us.
Yes, an unconditional pardon can be granted without the offender ever knowing they’ve hurt us. But this one-sided “forgiveness” is not in our best interest, nor in the best interest of the person who hurt us. It devalues the significance of repentance and robs both the offender and us of the opportunity to grow in Christ.
An enemy can be defined as one who intentionally hurts us, is destructive, and can’t be trusted because of his or her lack of remorse. Unconditional forgiveness implies that our response to our enemies should be to offer a pardon with no response on the part of the offender. The Bible teaches, however, that we should respond to our enemies in love (Matthew 5:44). Scripture does not teach that we need to forgive our enemies. Instead, we should love them and pray for them. Love and forgiveness are not synonymous. The ultimate purpose of forgiveness is the healing of a relationship. This healing occurs only when the offender repents and demonstrates remorse and the offended one grants a pardon and demonstrates loving acceptance.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Signs of Our Times
It is interesting to note that our relationship with the Lord can be model of our human relationships. If we walk in pride and aloofness toward our fellow human being, very likely we think that we deserve the goodness of God. Christ made it clear that no one deserves anything but condemnation. It is only through the shed blood of Christ and His dwelling in us that we can be loving and kind to another human being.
When we are self focused instead of Christ focused our relationships with others will be based on what we can get out of them rather than what we can offer them, personal expectations toward others rule our thinking. And, that is the picture and operation we have with our Lord. A self focus will cause us to see God as our servant and puppet to do our bidding. We will be materialistic, protecting whatever is ours and getting as much out of life as we can no matter who it may inconvenience or harm. These people have difficulty admitting their sin to God or to anyone. They spend their time justifying the hurt they have caused and running from the solution.
When we are Christ focused, we will see others as objects of our love, seeking to obey Christ in our love and service to them. Our first thoughts will be how to help or please them. Our possessions belong to God, and we will love to share them. We share our time, our things and our thoughts. We will not be requiring actions, thoughts or convictions to meet our expectations, but we will find ways to meet the desires of others. We will also want the best for our friends in terms of their spiritual needs. Do we praise them when they need a word of correction, do we harshly rebuke them when their only crime is to fail to meet our expectations.
When we love Christ our focus will be His will in our life and the lives of those we love. We will desire their good over our pleasure. We will rejoice when our friends obey God and weep when they disobey Him.
We will encourage our friends with all aspects of God's love. When patience is required we will do that according to the leading of the Holy Spirit. When a spanking is needed we will obey the Holy Spirit and administer correction. The goal is to help our friends to see God's will and not ours. Our goal is to help our friends to become more holy and to let them administer the same kind of love to us.
Relationships are not based on superficial enjoyment of life, but on mutual growth, working through problems and desiring reconciliation. To run from a problem simply to avoid conflict is not Christ like.
There are times when we draw back from a friend, because we see the hostility in their hearts and we can not get them to listen until the Lord has broken their hearts and prepared them for the message. The prodigal son is a picture of this. The Father loved his son, but saw that attempting to talk him out of his foolishness was an exercise in futility, so he gave his son what he wanted and left him in the Lord's hands.
We have little faith when we think we have to do something to fix a matter. Greater faith is exhibited when we step back, trust the Lord and remain in prayer.
I was grateful the day the Lord imparted this principle to me. The burden of having to continually explain myself to someone who would not listen was removed and I walk in freedom. I desire that same freedom for others who find themselves in relationships that seem impossible. God can do it better than we can and sometimes, even more often these days, we must step out of God's way to let Him work.
We live in a rebellious, arrogant society that mocks the wisdom of their elders and curses their father and their mother. Proverbs 30:11 "There is a generation that curses its father, and does not bless its mother. There is a generation that is pure in it's own eyes, Yet it is not washed from its' filthiness."
The Lord told us this would happen in the end times when He said in 2 Timothy 3:1-5 "But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such turn away."
This is a sorrowful verse, because of its implications for our lives. Many many people who did the best they could to raise their children to love Christ, in their imperfections they still loved Him, but their children are loving their fun, freedom and self righteousness more than they love God , and I am not describing the non-believer, but the believing children. They have lost their way because the pull of the world has been too strong and they have created in their hearts a god of their own making. A god of indulgence, pride and disregard for anyone but themselves.
Our only hope and our best hope is that the Lord do a mighty work in their hearts, that He take them through whatever is necessary to show them their wickedness and cause them to bend their knee to a holy God in repentance.
Keep looking up, He is coming soon and very soon!
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