When we have been hurt, and someone asks forgiveness, our heart should melt and cause us to act as though the thing never happened.
We have no right to expect forgiveness as an offender, and if the offended doesn't forgive, we should walk away humbled but prayerful that they will think about it and change their mind.
If someone asks forgiveness, the offended says no, and the offender gets mad, then we know the repentance was not real brokenness over sin but merely an attempt to manipulate things for the bad feelings to be over.
There is a vast difference between wanting a problem to be over and truly sorrowing over a sin we commit.
One of the clues that the motivation for asking forgiveness, for the sake of the trouble to be over, is that the asker will be general in their delivery. They will give a generic blanket statement, "will you forgive me for everything", without specifics.
A true confession of guilt and brokenness of heart, will express sorrow specifically for what they did that offended, and statements would be used to describe their own sinful heart such as; "I was only thinking of myself", or "it was a mean thing for me to do."
When self is left out in the apology, often it is because the offender is distancing himself from the acts, as though it really wasn't him, but knows he must apologize to make the conflict go away. Many people cannot tell on themselves, so they make excuses for their behavior or distance themselves personally from what they did, this is pride. If there is any pride left in the apology, we know there has not been true repentance, shame should be present.
Jeremiah 6:15 "Were they ashamed when they had committed abomination? nay, they were not at all ashamed, neither could they blush: therefore they shall fall among them that fall: at the time that I visit them they shall be cast down, saith the LORD."
A discerning person will be able to tell most times, if the apology or asking of forgiveness is real. One thing for sure, is that after all is repented of and forgiven, the offender doesn't continue that same attitude and behavior again. If they do reoffend, they are quickly convicted and desire immediate reconciliation.
Those who are repentant do not continue to do the same things over and over again. They were so broken the first time they had to confess that they never want to repeat the wrong behavior or attitude again.
The first One to go to for forgiveness is God and then the person we offended.
1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
The manipulative offender who apologizes to resolve a matter quickly, rather than true repentance is much like the people described in Matthew 15. They want the relationships to continue for their own benefit, but they are not truly repentant.
There are many people in prisons like this, they have, what is called "jailhouse religion", these people are very sorry they are in jail, but have no remorse for doing the crime they did. Religion is a way of making themselves feel better, and deceiving parole officers so they can get out sooner.
Matthew 15:8 "This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me."
True repentance and true forgiveness will bring reconciliation to any relationship, even making that relationship stronger than it was before. In the case of repentance and in the case of forgiveness, humility is at the core of the person expressing these things. Neither response can happen without humility.
If we cannot go to a person with specifics of our offense, then there is still pride motivating us to protect ourselves, we would need to go to prayer, asking God to remove pride and fear before we can go to those we have offended. Dishonor and disrespect are present in our hearts when we place ourselves so far above others, that we cannot admit our own actions against them.
Philippians 2:3-11 "3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;
4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,
6 who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,
7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.
8 Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
9 For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name,
10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11 and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."
James 4:6 "6 But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”
Proverbs 22:4 "The reward of humility and the fear of the Lord Are riches, honor and life."
1 Peter 5:6 "6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time,"
Matthew 23:12 "12 Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted."
Romans 12:3 "3 For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith."
A true confession of guilt and brokenness of heart, will express sorrow specifically for what they did that offended, and statements would be used to describe their own sinful heart such as; "I was only thinking of myself", or "it was a mean thing for me to do."
When self is left out in the apology, often it is because the offender is distancing himself from the acts, as though it really wasn't him, but knows he must apologize to make the conflict go away. Many people cannot tell on themselves, so they make excuses for their behavior or distance themselves personally from what they did, this is pride. If there is any pride left in the apology, we know there has not been true repentance, shame should be present.
Jeremiah 6:15 "Were they ashamed when they had committed abomination? nay, they were not at all ashamed, neither could they blush: therefore they shall fall among them that fall: at the time that I visit them they shall be cast down, saith the LORD."
A discerning person will be able to tell most times, if the apology or asking of forgiveness is real. One thing for sure, is that after all is repented of and forgiven, the offender doesn't continue that same attitude and behavior again. If they do reoffend, they are quickly convicted and desire immediate reconciliation.
Those who are repentant do not continue to do the same things over and over again. They were so broken the first time they had to confess that they never want to repeat the wrong behavior or attitude again.
The first One to go to for forgiveness is God and then the person we offended.
1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
The manipulative offender who apologizes to resolve a matter quickly, rather than true repentance is much like the people described in Matthew 15. They want the relationships to continue for their own benefit, but they are not truly repentant.
There are many people in prisons like this, they have, what is called "jailhouse religion", these people are very sorry they are in jail, but have no remorse for doing the crime they did. Religion is a way of making themselves feel better, and deceiving parole officers so they can get out sooner.
Matthew 15:8 "This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me."
True repentance and true forgiveness will bring reconciliation to any relationship, even making that relationship stronger than it was before. In the case of repentance and in the case of forgiveness, humility is at the core of the person expressing these things. Neither response can happen without humility.
If we cannot go to a person with specifics of our offense, then there is still pride motivating us to protect ourselves, we would need to go to prayer, asking God to remove pride and fear before we can go to those we have offended. Dishonor and disrespect are present in our hearts when we place ourselves so far above others, that we cannot admit our own actions against them.
Philippians 2:3-11 "3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;
4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,
6 who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,
7 but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.
8 Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.
9 For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name,
10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
11 and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."
James 4:6 "6 But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”
Proverbs 22:4 "The reward of humility and the fear of the Lord Are riches, honor and life."
1 Peter 5:6 "6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time,"
Matthew 23:12 "12 Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted."
Romans 12:3 "3 For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith."
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