Our American culture does not understand that knowing the Bible is far more than just knowing the verses. We must understand some nuances of the Jewish culture in which the Bible was written.
God wrote to all of us in terms of the understandings of the Jewish mindset. Our western mindset views things very differently from how the Jews thought and what Christ meant in many of His writings.
One example of this is the marriage expectations of the Jews based on God's commands.
In the Jewish tradition children were betrothed to one another by their parents at a young age. when approaching marriage age the woman had the freedom to decide not to marry the man the parents had chosen for her.
When the couple who had been betrothed became of marriageable age there was a year "engagement" period that was called the courting stage of the betrothal. During this time if either party in the betrothal was found to have been unfaithful there was a certificate of divorcement required to get out of the engagement and it could only happen in cases of unfaithfulness.
This is the custom Christ spoke of in Matthew when He said "except for fornication", fornication is a description of "before marriage."
Because the western mindset didn't know the customs of the Jews in the time of Jesus they do not understand that Christ was not giving an out for adultery in marriage, but only in the engagement period.
In the other gospels Christ does not add this exception because they were written to gentiles who did not have this custom of divorcing from an engagement.
When God said He hates divorce He was not just stating a feeling, He was declaring that it was a serious sin against Him to divorce.
Those who use that Moses gave permission for divorce are refusing to admit that God allowed it because of "the hardness of their hearts." So anyone who is justifying divorce is declaring they have a hard heart that refuses to obey God.
When the people were given what they wanted that displeased God they were coming out from under God's blessing and protection. How can this ever be a good thing, to defy God to get what we want and then expect anything from Him.
There have been those who have become angry with me for speaking against divorce because all of them had some excuse or other why their situation was different from everyone else's.
The truth is that most divorces are not for adultery, however even if they were there is no permission from God. Adultery is very harmful but it is not unforgivable. When we make a vow in front of God He expects us to keep it no matter what. There is room for scriptural separation for the purpose of prayer and fasting but never divorce.
1 Corinthians 7:10-11 "…10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife. "
No human being is completely sinless in marriage. Pride wells up in a heart when someone cheats on them. It is more about "no one does that to me" mentality than it is "we are having a problem that needs much prayer and fasting."
I have known many couples who had sins in their marriage, some adultery, others were things like neglect or emotional and physical abuse. In short everyone has sin in marriage some things worse than others, we don't abandon our spouse because they are sinful, we pray, we fast, we do things necessary to bring the spouse to their senses, but we stand by them to help them return to righteousness.
This mentality of throwing people away because they don't measure up is not from God. Jesus Christ does not leave us when we mess up, He disciplines and removes blessings for us to see He will not speak to us any longer as long as we are in sin. To be returned to fellowship with our Savior we must confess to be cleansed. 1 John was written to believers.
1 John 1:9 1
"9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
If we love our God first and our spouses second far more than we love ourselves then we will do whatever is necessary to stay with the one we promised to stay with for the rest of our lives. We never know if our faithfulness in spite of their sin will cause them to repent one day.
1 Corinthians 7:15-17 "…15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let him go. The believing brother or sister is not bound in such cases. God has called you to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? 17 Regardless, each one should lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him and to which God has called him. This is what I prescribe in all the churches.…"
These verses do not allow for divorce, the word "bound" here has nothing to do with marriage, it has to do with no longer being under their authority. We do not have to consider the desires of someone who is no longer living with us. As long as that one who leaves is alive they remain our spouse and we must not remarry.
Mark 10:8-9 "…8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”
This verse is saying no man can undo or dissolve the glue God used to blend two people into one. Just as no man can undo their salvation once God has made them a new creation.
God makes two people one in marriage and He makes man a new creation when they are born again. In both cases no man can undo that blending. Man is blended with his wife and the born again believer has been blended with Christ.
Remarriage is adultery if there is a remaining living spouse. Its really very simple when we are seeking truth. These things only become complicated when someone refuses to believe God.
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