On the internet, over time, I have read many comments and articles written by daughters-in-law who begin their articles with "I Hate My Mother-in-Law."
Sadly I also read the articles by the mothers-in-law who are victims of their daughters-in-law. They are crushed emotionally by the disrespect and ill-treatment from their son's wives over the smallest matters.
This is so common now that after reading many of these articles I could only come across one in which a daughter-in-law stated that she loved her mother-in-law. Only one out of many was very disturbing to me, however, it explained just what is going on in our world today.
When we got married, even when we didn't agree with our mothers-in-law we treated them with respect. We appreciated that they were allowed to have their own personalities and listened with interest to their suggestions and instructions. Never did we ever snap back at them or demean them.
The selfishness of adults in our children's generation remains immature into their forties. When someone remains immature this late in life they don't ever seem to grow up into kind loving adults.
The only solution is for this rebellious and disrespectful generation to become born again. No growth will happen until they are changed in to a new creation by Christ.
Sadly, in the meantime they isolate the grandchildren from their grandparents, they "talk smack" against them to the grandchildren in an attempt to indoctrinate them into hating their grandparents as much as they do.
I am hearing more and more grandparents who are grieving over the loss of their child and grandchildren because of spouses who do not love the parents of their spouse.
This is to the young people; when you marry you take on the love of your in-laws the same as you love your own parents. If they are disagreeable people then you accept and love them just as they are, even respecting them just as they are. More often than not, the spouses parents are not disagreeable people they just think differently, they have that right.
If the parents of your spouse are outspoken, suck it up or better yet learn from them. This oversensitivity to correction or criticism is out of control now, so much so that one cannot even express a disagreement without a young person snapishly fighting back, as if to say; "how dare you disagree."
What do we do with all this knowledge about our generation? Its not quite as simple as one would hope because our emotions get in the way.
However, if our in-laws are evil or destructive to the marriage then you must remove yourself unless they become born again.
If it is merely a matter of disagreeing or difference of opinion we can respectfully love them. Giving them the right to be different from us, just as we expect others to give us that right.
Punishing those who disagree does only one thing, which is to cause unnecessary problems and momentarily elevate self to superiority. Other than that it is less than worthless, it is destructive.
Does anyone else understand where all this mess comes from? Yep, you guessed it, it comes from the devil who is working feverishly to destroy families. To remove the support system of the extended family as well as exclude the wisdom of grandparents from their grandchildren.
There is also jealousy involved, the grown children are so selfish they don't want their children loving anyone but them. They lavish toys on them, praise them continually and negate whatever the grandparents may say or do to prevent bonding.
My suggestion is to become so close to Christ that you do not need the extended family to feel loved or supported. Wonderful if you have it but if you don't God has something in mind for you outside of that family structure.
Christ admonished us to "hate our father and mother" and everyone else compared to our love for Him. In this modern world, we are to withdraw from those who treat us disrespectfully and move on to those who love Christ.
Matthew 10:35-40
35 For I came to turn a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law;
36 and a person’s enemies will be the members of his household.
37 “The one who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; and the one who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. 38 And the one who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. 39 The one who has found his life will lose it, and the one who has lost his ]life on My account will find it."
We cannot follow Christ fully unencumbered if we are weighed down by unnecessary extended family drama. We can love our families from afar, pray for them even engage with them at times but they cannot be our constant companions if they do not love Christ.
Do not be dismayed when your children and grandchildren are not around you, Christ is within you, He is everything we need.
It is "co-dependency" to agonize day after day and year after year over the loss of those who do not love us. We need to let go of those who do not love God and who do not love Christ to engage with those who do love Him.
John 13:15 "…34 A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you also must love one another. 35 By this everyone will know that you are My disciples if you love one another.”
John 14:15-17
15 “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments."
Those who reject you, love them anyway by prayer for them. Keep as your constant companions those who love Christ, they will encourage you to walk more fully with Him.
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