What Does a Real Apology Look Like?

A response to a dear Sister concerning the matter of forgiveness and reconciliation. 

Annie, the way I think says that if someone has a one-day experience with rudeness because they are going through something, I would not require an apology from them when they do not do this on a regular basis. Those I would require an apology from are those who have been mean and rude for years and continue to act rudely without a conscience. Or, if I confront them with their actions and they fight back, excusing themselves or accusing me of what they are doing that I am not, then I would require an apology to resume the relationship.

Those who walk a lifestyle of rudeness merely because they don't like someone is an unkind person and cannot be our friends.

Those who live a lifestyle of arrogant superiority and like it can never have a relationship with anyone really.

God made it clear that the confession of sin and forgiveness extended is for the purpose of reconciling a relationship. When someone is continually rude and not sorry for it, we are to remove ourselves from them until they confess openly what they did and that they are sorry.

There is such a thing as "non-apology apologies" that I would not accept from anyone when they say things like; "I am sorry you were upset." or "I didn't mean to do that" or "I didn't do that." A real apology sounds something like this: "I did these things (specifically), and I am sorry I hurt you."

It is important that they are specific because those who are not specific are hedging to look like the victim. "I'm sorry I was mean", should sound more like this; "I'm sorry I took your coat without asking" or "I am so sorry I lied to you about 'thus and such.'"

Specific details of the offense tell us they really are sorry. Generic "sorry you were hurt" is putting it on you for being hurt. Owning what we did specifically and being sorry for what "I" did to you is more authentic.