Honor Father and Mother?

On another post of a dear friend the subject of honoring parents was the topic of conversation, it spurred in me the need to address it also here along with some more scripture that supports this concept of honoring father AND mother.

Adult children in our generation think that they no longer have to honor or listen to their parents because of the attitude that since they are adults they no longer have to think of them at all. Christ answered this in His response to the Pharisees.

Mark 7:6 And He said to them, “Rightly did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written:
‘This people honors Me with their lips,
But their heart is far away from Me.
7 ‘But in vain do they worship Me,
Teaching as doctrines the precepts of men.’"

I've always thought of "honoring your parents" as the way we value them, not with gifts or flattery but with honest interest in their wisdom, desires and comfort.

Yes, in fact the Lord Jesus Christ rebuked the Pharisees for using an excuse that their money goes to the temple that they didn't have to take care of their parents.

Mark 7:12-13 "…12 he is no longer permitted to do anything for his father or mother. 13 Thus you nullify the word of God by the tradition you have handed down. And you do so” in many such matters."

When adult children feel free to snap at, demean and mock their parents they are in rebellion against God. Often the father fosters this attitude in their children by snapping, demeaning and mocking the mother in front of the children, mother can also do this to fathers.

Those that do this, will have no more respect for God than they do for their parents, because the matter of lack of the principle of respect is absent from their hearts.

We cannot dishonor one, thinking we have a good reason, while honoring another. Honor and respect is in the heart. Sadly many narcissists will accuse us of lacking honor, when it is they that lack it. It is a way of justifying their own sinful behavior, to place the blame on someone else.

We see too that narcissists always have a "golden child", one that they honor and a "scapegoat" the other they dishonor. They have their favorites because the favorite does not instruct, correct or rebuke when needed. The favored parent does not defend and stand up for the scapegoat, but even at times goes along with the narcissist, further enhancing the rebellious and contemptuous attitude of the narcissist.

Another excuse that is often used in some cult like churches is that the father is to be honored and the mother has none, because she is the woman and under her husband, she is treated with contempt in the form of dismissiveness, as though she is not worthy of honor because she is under her husband. Clearly according to God this is false and divisive.

Proverbs 1:7-9 "7 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction. 8 Hear, my son, your father's instruction And do not forsake your mother's teaching; 9 Indeed, they are a graceful wreath to your head And ornaments about your neck.…"

Ephesians 6:2
“Honor your father AND mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise),"

2 Timothy 1:5
"I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well."

Leviticus 20:9
"For anyone who curses his father or his mother shall surely be put to death; he has cursed his father OR his mother; his blood is upon him."

Interesting that dishonor of Father OR Mother is worthy of death in God's eyes.

Proverbs 19:26-27 "26 He who assaults his father and drives his mother away Is a shameful and disgraceful son. 27 Cease listening, my son, to discipline, And you will stray from the words of knowledge."

Those who honor father and despise mother is treating their father with contempt as well because the father and mother are one. They are to be treated as one, equal respect and honor, realizing that the position of the mother is just as precious as the position of the father, their roles are different, but equal in value.

I cannot stress enough the need for children to honor both parents, not the gifts version but the true version of valuing their wisdom and experience. The deceptive and disguised version of honor merely relieves the seared conscience of those who do not wish to honor one or both of the parents in a genuine way.

Those who accept this false version of honor of parents are helping to encourage the attitude of dishonor not only toward parents but also toward God.

Favoritism is ungodly and sinful, it only serves to undermine the marriage of the parents and to foster rebellion in the hearts of the grandchildren toward not only the grandparents but also toward their own parents.

Rebellious adult children will raise rebellious children of their own. They think their own rebellion remains in a vacuum, it does not, they will see a contemptuous mentality toward them in their own children.

Rebellion against God comes back to bite in the long run. One may get away with contempt for parents but eventually their own attitudes will be seen in their own children.

Proverbs 31:3-6 – Danger: What parents do in moderation their children take to excess!