I do not forgive for the sake of my own peace; I forgive to reconcile the relationship when someone is repentant and desires to heal the bond of friendship.
Luke 17:3-4 "…3Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”
God is all about relationships and little about feelings. We have feelings, and we need to pay attention to them, not to act on them, but to gauge our hearts to see if we are indulging ourselves or obeying God. We must evaluate our feelings according to the Word of God so that we do not follow feelings that are not accurate.
Feelings lie to us often; they tell us things are bad when they are good, and things are good when they are bad. We cannot trust our feelings, which is why I place no value on making myself feel better by claiming to forgive when someone is unrepentant.
Nothing is resolved according to feelings. In fact they can make us feel proud that we are special because we feel good about forgiving, but it does not cleanse us of anything, nor does it help the relationship.
Saying, "I forgive" someone who is not repentant does nothing at all. It does not resolve any problems, it does not seek to understand someone, nor does it cleanse anyone of anything.
God is not about pretending attitudes to feel superior; He is about resolving problems between people. If they cannot be resolved because someone will not admit to their failures, then we must move on and let God.
We are commanded to bless those who curse us when in company with an offender, but this is not a resolution to a conflict, nor can the relationship be mended until there is sadness that the relationship is broken.
Confession of offense and forgiveness are two sides of the same coin; both must be present for a relationship to be restored. When we pretend we forgive but do not reconcile, then the process is not complete, and the relationship remains broken.
It has been psychology that has taught this idea that we should just say in our head we forgive when someone else is not repentant to make ourselves feel better, but it is useless to God's plan.
God does not forgive without repentance; He is our ultimate example. When there is repentance and forgiveness extended it is a beautiful thing, and the relationships become stronger than it was before.
God cares more about results based on His principles than He does about feelings. We can only do our part, which is seeking confession to be reconciled; we cannot do the part of the other person.
Notice you rarely hear of anyone chastising the offender to confess and repent? All the pressure is placed on the one who was wronged to forgive, but no pressure is placed on the one who offended. Seems unbalanced, doesn't it?
Next time you are tempted to chastise people to forgive someone, be sure you also go to the offender and tell them to repent. And, be sure you counsel the one to wait upon the repentance before forgiving, so there will be a real and lasting bond of friendship.
We are seeking reconciliation, as well as spiritual and emotional maturity, which only comes from both confession and forgiveness. We are not seeking a superficial sweeping under the rug and pretending you did your part by messaging your feelings.
Luke 17:3-4 "…3 Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”"
Let's obey the Bible when God says; "rebuke your brother" and "if he comes and says I repent, forgive him."
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