Forgiveness is for the Purpose of Reconciliation

I hear this all the time, "if I don't forgive I will become bitter." Where is that in the Bible?

I feel no resentment toward those who have offended me and are not sorry. It is a psychological teaching that makes our culture think that it automatically follows that if we "say" we forgive, then the process has occurred.

When I encounter an offender, I don't treat them any differently than anyone else on the street. The thing I feel the most is sorrow that they don't see their sin and that God has not yet forgiven them.


I have no right to forgive what God has not forgiven, that makes me better than God.

God says "IF they repent forgive them." He also says "IF they come to you and ask seven times in a day." Notice in all the verses about forgiveness, the offender is coming to ask for forgiveness. No where will you find one scripture that says forgive them even if they are not repentant.

Our ultimate example is Christ. Christ died for us while we were yet sinners, but we were not yet forgiven, He extended forgiveness, but we have to want it. Throwing your forgiveness at the unrepentant person does nothing.

If you want to avoid bitterness toward someone, stop trying to throw your forgiveness into the air hoping it will land on the offender, and just pray for them.

If we have a heart for the lost and for the sinning brethren, then we will not be bitter, we will be on our knees. When there is love for mankind in our hearts, bitterness is not a part of our thinking, but reconciliation to God is first and foremost.

When we do not require repentance for sin, we leave the offender in a place of comfort with his sin, allowing him to believe it wasn't so bad after all. Every encounter teaches, we must continually obey the principles of God for anyone to grow.

Yes, by all means be ready to forgive when someone comes to ask, desire that they repent so that the relationship will be restored. Pray to this end, seek it, even if it means having to confront the sin, perhaps the offender doesn't realize they have sinned and need to be shown.

We need to stop throwing God's principles of operation under the bus in favor of the psychological mantras of our modern day. Man's way only leaves everyone feeling comfortable in their sin, God's way brings conviction and repentance. When we shortcut the principles to be able to "feel better", we miss the blessings of changed lives.

1 John 1:9 "IF we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Luke 17:3-4 "3 Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and IF HE REPENTS, forgive him. 4 And if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times, SAYING I REPENT’ forgive him.”