Jealousy A Relationship Killer

Psalm 69:3-5

"I Endure Scorn for Your Sake

…3I am weary with my crying; my throat is parched; My eyes fail while I wait for my God. 4Those who hate me without a cause are more than the hairs of my head; Those who would destroy me are powerful, being wrongfully my enemies; What I did not steal, I then have to restore. 5O God, it is You who knows my folly, And my wrongs are not hidden from You.…"

 

There are many I have met who are enduring hardness from extended family and from the culture around them, for no apparent reason. Sometimes we are living our lives in a normal and rational fashion, then someone comes along who snaps at us or argues with us when we merely express our opinion or desire. 

 

When we encounter this contention we might go home completely baffled as to what happened, even searching our hearts to see if we did anything wrong. After much contemplation we come to the conclusion that there didn't seem to be a logical or sensible reason for what occurred. 

 

Notice when we are in the company of empathetic kind people, we never walk away feeling anything but uplifted. However with certain people we always walk away feeling like we had been run over by a Mack truck. Even when no one was openly angry there was an aura of sadness or trepidation present that left us with a strong inclination to flee when given an opportunity. Once we leave the peace comes back and we can relax.

 

When this happens rarely with someone, we tend to think one of us was having a difficult day and allowed feelings to dominate the visit. When we are with someone and every encounter feels strained and unnatural, as though someone is guardedly aloof to hide themselves, while in a superior stance, then we are most likely experiencing a self absorbed narcissist.

 

I remember an encounter one day with a neighbor many years ago. She had a chopping block in her kitchen that I liked, what a good idea I thought, a little more working space in the center of my kitchen would make a big difference. After all we had six children to feed, meals were large often. 

 

I spoke to my husband about getting a chopping block expecting to get one like the neighbors, it was not expensive, so I thought our budget would handle it. I brought an ad to my husband to show him they were on sale, but he wanted to go to the store and see other styles that were available. When we got to the store he liked one that had a drawer for knives and some other things that would be convenient for us so we purchased that one, I was happy because it was better than I expected to get. 

 

One day my neighbor came over to visit, saw the block, immediately her face turned red, she proclaimed that she was jealous because it was better than hers. I would have been happy with one like hers, but my husband wanted the better one. I had no desire to have anything better than someone else, but my neighbor took offense as though I had done something wrong. The face of jealousy often reveals itself in this way, sadly people become jealous over far less, even when what they have is better than ours.

 

This same neighbor lady invited us to a holiday party, she had a wonderful casserole that all of us enjoyed and praised her about it. Several of us asked her for the recipe so that we could make it for our families. The neighbor told us that she would be happy to give us the recipe but that she always left out one ingredient so that she was the only one with the real recipe. Later she asked for a recipe from a friend in my presence, the friend gave her the recipe to her casserole, the neighbor asked her if she left anything out, to make sure she got the entire recipe. Notice that she felt alright about leaving out an ingredient for her recipe but would not accept anyone else doing it to her. 

 

The face of selfishness is not logical, fair or reciprocal. Maintaining a relationships long term with someone who has to always be special and better is nearly an impossibility. 

 

Not matter what the narc does, we must maintain our integrity, never repaying evil for evil, nor is it productive to try to teach the narc a lesson, it only enrages them causing more problems than we would have had if we had merely removed ourselves without a word.

 

The hardest lesson I have had to learn is that I am not responsible to teach everyone lessons, only those who are open, honest and willing to learn. When we realize someone is vengeful and angry when we attempt to help them learn, then it is time to move on.

 

All of us have things to learn and all of us have things to teach, it takes wisdom from God to discern who will learn and who can teach us. 

 

Proverbs 13:20 "He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed."

 

Proverbs 26:4-5 "4 Do not answer a fool according to his folly,

Or you will also be like him. 5 Answer a fool as his folly deserves, That he not be wise in his own eyes."

 

The wise thing to do in the case of the jealous person, is to never respond to the unkind statements and in the future never share with them anything we get that is a blessing. It will be difficult to grow or even maintain a friendship based on competition. Friendships must be based on mutual respect and concern for one another.

 

Proverbs 14:30 "A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones."

 

Proverbs 27:4 "Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy?"

 

Song of Solomon "8:6 Set me as a seal on your heart, as a seal on your arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which has a most vehement flame."

 

Romans 13:13 "Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying."

 

1 Corinthians 3:3 "For you are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are you not carnal, and walk as men?"

 

1 Corinthians 13:4 "Charity suffers long, and is kind; charity envies not; charity braggs not itself, is not puffed up,"

 

Philippians 2:3 "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves."

 

James 3:14 "But if you have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth."

 

James 3:15 "This wisdom descends not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish."

 

James 3:16 "For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work."