My assertion is that the real child abuse is not the spanking that is done to redirect the behavior of a child after which the child is allowed to continue with the family after the bad behavior has been corrected, but the isolation from others that is the real child abuse.
One of the most devastating occurrences is that of deliberately ignoring a person to punish them, such as the silent treatment. Rather than treating a person as a valuable human being, worthy of rational dialogue to resolve a matter, the perpetrator of the silent treatment ignores and dismisses a person as of not enough value to even bother with.
This is the mentality behind placing a child in a room alone to become depressed while feeling devalued as a human being. Left to ruminate on their lack of importance to the family, the child's imagination wanders to their isolation, believing they are no longer loved by the parent who set them aside.
When a child has been naughty, receives a spanking and is allowed to return to activity with the family, they know the discipline was to redirect their behavior, but they are too valuable to be set aside and alone, they must be a functioning member of the family as they return to the group after their correction.
The "experts" who decry the silent treatment as contempt for the target will also endorse that same treatment for a child only changing the name of it from silent treatment to time out, and yet it amounts to the same thing with the same cruel effects as the silent treatment.
God knew what He was saying when He told us to use the rod to correct the bad behavior, after which the child is returned immediately to contact and interaction with their beloved family.
Proverbs 13:24 "24 He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently."
Proverbs 22:15
"Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him."
Children are not stupid, they know the difference between child abuse and a spanking to correct their behavior. They also know when they have been naughty and deserve to be punished.
I have actually heard children who were given a choice to be spanked or go to their room removing them from the family, say they would rather have the spanking and get it over with than to be isolated from everyone.
Isolation is a tactic of terrorists and jailers. They isolate their prisoners to cause mental insanity. When a person is isolated from others they come under intense emotional pain that is far worse than a spanking could ever be.
Removing a child on occasion who cannot get along with others can be appropriate, however continual use of isolation as the main form of punishment is in my estimation, child abuse of the worst sort. Often this isolation merely serves to embitter the one who has been set aside as unworthy to be with the family.
When we love someone we want them to learn how to interact with others, but we do not want to devalue them to the point of completely ignoring their emotional and spiritual needs for connection with others.
Narcissists often use the tactic of isolation to be able to cause emotional insanity. They know if they can make their target feel desperate they will be able to control them.
Parents are not to be interested in "controlling" their families, they ought to be interested in teaching and training for the children to be able to make their own proper choices through loving discipline based on God's Word and encouragement.
A parent should not be disciplining merely to get their own way, but to train a child in the way he should go. When discipline is administered solely for the purpose of having control over the child, the child will become embittered and angry.
The purpose of discipline is to teach God's principles that will be valuable for the child to know as they learn how to exist in the world around them, how to be loving, kind and honoring to God as they move through life.
Those children who have not learned to obey, who have been indulged and ignored will often turn into selfish narcissists who care little about anyone else. These people have no empathy for others nor do they engage in caring interactions with anyone. Everything they do all the time is to gain advantage over others. Even their good actions are designed to gain something for themselves.
Jude 1:16 " 16 These men are discontented grumblers, following after their own lusts; their mouths spew arrogance; they flatter others for their own advantage. "
Proverbs 10:9
"Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out."
Children who have been disciplined God's way are more likely to understand kindness, love, empathy and selflessness.
Those who have not been disciplined will become narcissists, there are more of them around us every day now as the days become more wicked. These people rage at anyone who says no to them or corrects them on any level. They use lying, deceit, manipulation and intimidation to get their own way or to appear superior to others.
God described these undisciplined types in 2 Timothy 3:1-5
"3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; Avoid such men as these."
Ever since the onset of the self esteem teaching, our culture has deteriorated into the abyss of total selfishness, treachery and monstrous tactics to destroy anyone who will not praise and elevate them.
May the Lord work in the hearts of young believers who are now raising the children who will one day be the adults of our world.
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