1 John 1:8-10 "…8If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10If we say we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar, and His word is not in us.…"
Extending forgiveness is for the purpose of reconciling a relationship. A relationship cannot be reconciled until the offender is sorrowful over their sin.
Luke 6:27 "27 But to those of you who will listen, I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you."
Romans 16:17-18 "17 Now I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who create divisions and obstacles that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Turn away from them. 18 For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites. By smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive.…"
Isaiah 26:10 "10Though grace is shown to the wicked man, he does not learn righteousness. In the land of righteousness he acts unjustly and fails to see the majesty of the LORD. '
Extending forgiveness is for the purpose of reconciling a relationship. A relationship cannot be reconciled until the offender is sorrowful over their sin.
Relationships can only be developed and maintained through mutual concern for one another.
Those who are not concerned about how they treat another person cannot be considered a friend.
You will find nothing in the word of God that describes a relationship being restored without the offending party admitting their harm toward another human being.
Those who harm others without a conscience for their deeds are not our friends nor can they be until they repent. This is the standard God gave for mankind to be reconciled to Him. The same standard He expects for us to be reconciled to Him He has given for human relationship between one another.
We are never to do harm to those who have harmed us, but that does not mean those who have harmed us will have a relationship with us in the midst of their unrepentance. God says that we are to do good to those who persecute us but this does not translate into a relationship with us.
Choosing to treat someone with the respect who failed to treat us with respect is required in God's economy. After all, we cannot expect a wicked person who refuses to confess their sin to know what respect looks like, we are the believers who model the respect to the hateful one that they did not model to us.
Keep in mind that those who are not repentant, those who do not even believe they have done anything wrong in treating you disrespectfully will not be able to treat us any other way except what is behind their belief. That is, they believe they are right and that we deserve contempt. They have developed a habit in the way they treat their victims. These people must be kept at arms length, they bring chaos and misery to any relationship.
There are those who act disrespectfully on a regular basis and come back later to pretend it never happened hoping to just resume where they left off in sharing happiness. This is not repentance, it does not help to change their behavior nor does it instill trust in the one they have harmed. God's formula is realization of a wrong committed and confession extended to the one who was offended, then there is a beginning for a new relationship that will operate along a different vein.
Relationships are not built on everyone just smiling and pretending, they are built on addressing problems and resolving them.
It is unwise to even go to a person who believes their wicked deeds are justified, to tell them their offense. These self righteous and mean spirited types will only use and abuse your attempts at reconciliation. We are to leave these people alone in their wickedness while praying for their salvation.
It has been my experience that a letter sent or a phone call to arrogant and unrepentant types only cause them to remain silent or to rage in anger. The silence is a demonstration of their lack of respect for you by ignoring your concerns, a dismissiveness that shows their total lack of concern for the relationship. The rage is an attempt to intimidate the victim into silence, the hope is that the victim will slink away feeling guilty they attempted to discuss a wrong.
We have all met narcissists, some of us have entire family structures in which the family have fed off of one another in tacky and despicable gossip and lies to maintain their stance of superiority. These people will not stop how they operate, they are habitually this way, yes I said it is a habit they cannot break until God shows them their sin and they choose to repent.
Never feel false guilt about leaving the company of those who refuse to stop their evil and disrespectful actions. These are narcissists, some never change and other might possibly change if God has reached them and they have repented to confess. Their mind has been changed to feel sorrowful over how they treat others and they are so deeply convicted that they express their sin openly.
Remember you have not reconciled a bad relationship or changed the heart of a narcissist by "just letting it go", and continuing with them. You have merely been one more person who has enabled them to grow deeper into their sin, further hardening their heart.
Never allow others to coerce you into allowing a deceiver and a narcissist to continue without consequence, it only ruins them and it will ruin you. You will either begin to act like the narcissist to avoid conflict or you will engage in arguments to attempt to stop them, either thing is not going to help the narcissist and it will probably change you for the worse.
Remaining in friendship with a wicked man is not the higher ground, it is the lower ground. Who we choose for our friends is vitally important to our spiritual health.
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