When you are being verbally and emotionally attacked by narcissists the Bible has the answers in how to deal with it.
Matthew 5:43-45 "…43 You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor’ and ‘Hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.…"
Does this mean we continually remain with these people while being abused by them? No, it means that when we have to encounter them we never return evil for evil. We take care of their needs as led by Christ leaving no evidence of ill-treatment toward them. We must be walking in the Spirit to do this because the flesh can be provoked by the nastiness.
If the narcissist is continually acting badly toward us then we are to politely find ways to remove ourselves and avoid future contact.
Narcissists never listen to a complaint when they have been the perpetrator. And, they never apologize, since they always have an excuse for their attitudes. They use every opportunity, even kind words to demean us in some way.
I know of a narcissist who will listen to my joys for a short time and directly after I will hear what I call a "disapproving grunt" as though I was foolish to share my joy. They love to use "plausible deniability", perhaps saying; "what do you mean, I didn't do anything", if you are to ask why they made that sound. They love to use dismissiveness in conversation by completely ignoring what you said to show their disinterest.
If these covert sounds happen only once you think nothing of it, but when it is a continual practice whenever you share a joy, then it is likely a covert way to make you feel foolish for sharing. Often it happens because narcissists are jealous of our happiness and must do something to ruin it but in a way that no one looking on would notice.
The devil hates our joy in the Lord, he hates that we are content and fulfilled walking with Christ. His best and most effective tactic is to treat the believer as though everything they say and do is ridiculous so they will stop being that joyful witness for Christ. It only works for weak believers who are unsure of their walk or weak in their faith. We must become strong by consulting with the Holy Spirit on everything. Obedience to His Word is the way to stay strong.
1 Corinthians 15:33 "33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 34 Sober up as you ought, and stop sinning; for some of you are ignorant of God. I say this to your shame.…"
There are two ways the devil has of ruining our joy. One is to take it away so our witness for Christ is marred and the second is to cause a reaction that dishonors him because of our frustration at the treatment.
So, what is the answer? Simple, never respond to the narcissist's ploys. Ignore their negativity, never tell them the great joys in your life and remove yourself if there is no sign there is a change in their attitude.
1 John 3:2-3 "2 Beloved, we are now children of God, and what we will be has not yet been revealed. We know that when Christ appears, we will be like Him, for we will see Him as He is. 3 And everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as Christ is pure.…"
Keep in mind that narcissists are in the church today as well as families. So many people who say they are Christians have never been born again, so they will act very badly because they do not have the Holy Spirit. Their heart has not been changed into a new creation and they think exactly like the world thinks because they are the world.
The answer to remaining joyful and without guile is to have companions who uphold our walk with Christ, those who think as we do and love the principles of Christ.
Psalm 17:15
"As for me, I will behold Your face in righteousness; when I awake, I will be satisfied in Your presence."
Matthew 5:8
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God."
As born again believers we love as Christ loves, because of this we pray for those who do not love Him. This does not mean that we have to be continual companions to them.
Proverbs 13:19-20 "…19 Desire fulfilled is sweet to the soul, but turning from evil is detestable to fools. 20 He who walks with the wise will become wise, but the companion of fools will be destroyed."
Love the narcissist from afar through your prayers for them, but give your time and energy to those who love the Lord.
God tells us to take care of and support the brethren!
Romans 12:10
"Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor."
1 John 3:14
"We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. Whoever does not love abides in death."
1 John 4:20
"If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen."
1 Corinthians 1:10
"I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment."
Those who love the Lord and their brethren will agree with God first and their brethren second. God does not tell one person one thing and another something different. There should be agreement on God's commands and principles.
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