Sadly, Michael and Debbie Pearl who have been popular among the home school movement have taught not only unbiblical principles but ways that they thought up without scriptural basis.
A quote from Michael Pearl will bring a sadness to your heart.
He said this:
AND this:
"Sudden aggressive outbursts are part of what it means to be a man, according to Pearl. “The wisest way to handle the aggressive husband is by not taking personal offense,” she advises. “Avoid provoking him.”
I can't think of a worse way of damaging a relationship with someone as to take away their voice, their personality and their need for love than to turn them into a voiceless servant.
This couple has done more damage to families than they have helped. As far as I am concerned it is best to keep a distance from their teachings.
Some of their teachings were correct but because they were misapplied and abused interjecting human thinking into the mix they have managed to destroy families.
God said this: Luke 16:17-18 "17 But it is easier for heaven and earth to pass away than for a single stroke of a pen to drop out of the Law. 18 Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery. "
All those who defend divorce and remarriage use the Matthew passage that they claim allows for divorce for unfaithfulness in marriage. This is not the truth, the Matthew passage was written to the Jews who had a custom of divorcing from the betrothal, that is engagement if one of the couple had been unfaithful. Never did God endorse divorce for married people and definitely not remarriage.
This is why the passage in Matthew uses the words "except for fornication" which denotes unfaithfulness before marriage. Everyone knew this generations ago, but all of a sudden in the past two generations the lie has gone out that this is an "out' for marriage in the case of adultery.
But interestingly enough, most people I know who have divorced and remarried never had this excuse for their divorce. And the scripture is very clear that remarriage is forbidden by Christ.
Christ said; "if you so much as lust after a woman in your heart it is the same as if you had committed the act." Since this is the case for anyone then why would God allow for divorce for physical adultery. Adultery is a heart problem even before it becomes an action.
Since God makes two people one in marriage, it is His work in the spirits of the two people who pledge to one another, that union cannot be undone by a piece of paper by the law of the land. It is a spiritual oneness that cannot be undone by anything but death.
Ephesians 2:10
"10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."
God does not save us or keep us by our works, He does not throw away His children when they misbehave, He disciplines them to help them return to obedience.
Hebrews 12:5-7 "…5And you have forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not take lightly the discipline of the Lord, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastises every son He receives.” 7Endure suffering as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father?…"
If we are to follow Christ's example in relationship stability we will never "throw away" a spouse for misbehaving, we will pray, communicate, evaluate ourselves, and wait for God to work on them. In some cases, spouses must learn to live with their choice to become one with someone, while depending on God to help them.
I understand how difficult things can be when we make a choice that is based on physical attraction rather than character. And, in all my years I have learned that people don't change very much except when they become born-again, when Christ changes them.
Often when someone seems to have changed they were really just hiding their true inner selves.
It is the trials of life that bring out the real person, circumstances do not shape a person, trials reveal the person inside. This is why God takes us through trials so that we can see the real us inside emerge to know our own character.
When someone rages at someone over a disagreement they have just revealed a selfish and angry mentality that was lurking inside all along.
A woman is a help mate to her husband in every way and according to God's Word, she has a vibrant voice in her marriage that is needed. A man is not an entity unto himself and he is not god, he needs accountability and support to follow the ways of God, this is the design of marriage given by God.
It is people like the Pearls who have not only perverted the marriage relationship but have also alienated adult children from their parents as the adult children judge their parent's marriage as wrong because it doesn't follow people like the Pearls.
Next time someone discusses marriage or family life with you, don't send them to people like the Pearls, send them to God and His Word.
God told men to live with their wives in an understanding way and treat them with a great deal of respect. Demeaning a woman by diminishing her worth is not love and it is terribly oppressive.
God loved women and their contribution to others. Men who treat women disrespectfully are obeying Satan, not God.
Ephesians 5:25-27 "Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless."
If husbands treat their wives the way Christ treats the church any reasonable woman would never want to leave a husband who held her in such regard.
When control and manipulation are present in any marriage there will be deep sadness and a desire to flee.
Also, one last thing, there is no need to control others when we trust in the Holy Spirit to work in the lives of those we love. Each person must choose to follow Christ without intimidation, pressure, or rudeness.
If someone is obeying the rules of the family out of frustration then they are not obeying for the sake of Christ but for their own preservation. We need to allow people to be who they are as we are who God meant us to be. We are examples to others, not hammers to force people to be what we think they should be.
We must not allow others to shape us into their image and we must not attempt to shape others into our image. This often means that we will be removing ourselves from those who refuse to follow Christ as we pray for Christ to work on them, we can be praying for Christ to be working on us.
We are the only one we are responsible for, we share, we love and we remove and discipline as needed but we do not control anyone.
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