Self-Esteem is not Confidence, Just the Opposite

The teaching of "self-esteem" was an incredible tactic of the devil that sounds good but defies God's principles in His word. It distracts us from thinking about Christ to thinking about self, as well as making us co-dependent on people instead of complete dependence on Christ.

Philippians 2:3-5

"3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. 5 Have this attitude [c]in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,"

The only teaching about "esteem" in the Bible is toward God and others never toward self.

Sadly the devil managed to replace the word "confidence" with "self esteem" brainwashing people into believing confidence and self-esteem were interchangeable, but they are not.

When we spend our time ruminating on how wonderful we think we are we will never get around to respecting anyone else and this does not bring confidence but rather brings insecurity as those who elevate self have to constantly find ways to feel good.

We see it is common now in our culture that adult children are treating their parents and grandparents with more disrespect than we have ever seen in our culture before because of the self involvement that has been fostered in nearly every family.

The children of the 70's have grown into disrespectful self-absorbed creatures without empathy and love. Everything they do that may seem friendly is designed to elevate themselves.

I heard someone on the news one night excited that she had done a good deed, and as she put it in her own words, "it makes me feel good to do it." It seems innocent enough but when we see the focus was for herself to feel good the person she did it for was not even mentioned. This young woman revealed something about herself that discerning people would see clearly.

Those who do "good deeds" now will only do them if they "feel good," or if it is their own idea. They will say no to anyone who asks them for a favor if it is not their own idea. If what they did for someone else was difficult and brought hardship, they might not have bothered.

An answer the older generation might have given to a reporter would have been, "I only did what anyone should do to help someone." In fact, most older people wouldn't even want to be interviewed about their deeds, it would have been embarrassing to them to have the spotlight.

We are living in the most selfish and egocentric times in the history of this country and possibly the entire world. This is one of the reasons I am convinced we are in the end times fast-tracked toward the tribulation.

Religion in our culture is for the purpose of making people look good, not in authentic service to Christ but in service to self. Two generations now have been trained to protect and think of themselves above anyone else.

Even those parents who thought they didn't raise their children on self-esteem still implemented actions and principles that taught the same thing without using the words; "self-esteem", while denying they were doing it.

I once heard a mother praise her daughter for a comment she made at a missionary conference. The daughter heard the story of a missionary who was revered and praised for her work in the field, held up as an icon of virtue to be emulated. The daughter's comment about the story was; "I want to be remembered this way someday."

My heart sank as I heard the mother so proud of her daughter for thinking like that, while my heart was breaking that no one noticed how self-absorbed that statement was and that it was a self-focus.

Wouldn't a humble person who was not self-absorbed more likely say; "I want to be used of God some day", rather than the hope that others will remember her and praise her as they were praising this missionary?

So many ways of thinking are subtle and sound so good but are so wrong. Instead of using that moment to teach her child to be selfless, she praised her for wanting to be noticed and special.

My response to the mother of the child was; "well when we grow in maturity our desires become more about Christ than about ourselves." The mother was not happy with me, even acting irritated that I said this because it did not elevate herself and her daughter.

The truth!!!! It doesn't matter one wit whether or not we are remembered by people. It only matters that we please Christ and glorify Him. Glorifying self should not be the goal of a born-again believer and sparing someone's feelings to elevate self should also not be the goal.

Our culture misses so many teaching moments that help children to self-reflect and focus on the principles and commands of God, instead of themselves.

"Feelings" and "praise" have been the continual practice of most people today, so much so that the children expect to be praised or they become rude and angry when they are not.

I am a big fan of encouragement, but sadly the word encouragement has become enterchanged with praise.

Praise is fawning all over someone for doing good things. Encouragement is to inspire someone to continue or do better, but it is not about self as much as it is about pleasing God and their parents out of respect.

As adults we ought to be able to do what is right and good without ever receiving accolades for it. We cannot teach children this principle unless they have had to do what is right without continual expressions of approval.

We have such a low opinion of the children thinking they will shrivel up in a little ball if they are not commended for every tiny little accomplishment.

Those who are confident and secure in their walk with Christ have no need to hear continual expressions of adulation, they are satisfied with the blessing of knowing they did what was right even if no one else knows.

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I have heard mothers go on and on that their six year old tied their shoe correctly, as though they had done some great thing. I felt embarrassed at this over the top expression, probably to show off what a good mother they were to onlookers.

Remember when we praise children for doing what they should we are building in them the expectation that everything they do is special and should be complimented.

One mother did this in front of me, I asked the question; "hasn't he been tying his shoe since he was four years old." The mother said yes, the child was seven now. It conveyed to me that the mother didn't expect the child to ever learn so she was excited about every little occurrence of the tied shoes.

Once the child learns to tie his shoe there is no more need for even a mention of it to the child after that. Making a show of it conveys to the child that mother didn't expect him to be capable.

We build confidence in children by teaching them, once they learn we then expect them to perform, and this builds their confidence.

To act as though we are excited about them being able to do something is showing that we didn't expect them to be able to, leaving them feeling incompetent at something they were able to do without any mention.

Satan has built into the mindset of many people ideas that sound good but created co-dependency on others and leave doubt in their own minds about their beliefs.

I a person is not able to be alone with themselves they remain dependent on others for everything. There is only joy when someone is praising them. There is only confidence when someone else is praising them. There is an emptiness in those who depend on others for their inner tranquility.

Those who are secretive are this way because they don't know the reactions of others if they shared their life. They depend so completely on the adulation of others that they become very guarded and fearful of becoming their true selves. Their false self is always in play to avoid being disliked or judged.

The most judgmental people are those who are fearful about being judged themselves. If they can diminish others it makes them feel validated. The continual self-focus of our culture has created very insecure people who are easily offended.

The dogs to be afraid of are those who are fearful. They will growel and bite out of fear, this is very similar to the people who snarl and snap at others when nothing is wrong.

Those who have been excessively praised are the most insecure people we meet. They cannot be joyful and happy just being who they are, they must be continually applauded for everything.

When we walk with Christ we need not impress others, we are satisfied with being "nothing important", just being a child of God doing what He gave us to do is enough!

Hallelujah! Often God uses the nothing people far more than he uses the self-impressed ones.

Proverbs 16:18 "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall."

James 4:6 "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

Proverbs 8:13 "The fear of the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance...".