It's Probably Not You!

I wrote this to a dear friend who has expressed what many are feeling, that is wondering what is wrong with them because they have few and sometimes no friends. Here was my answer to her.

" It's not you Sis, it's the culture of our time, the 2 Timothy 3 generation that has no interest in anyone but self. Most of my "close" friends are on Facebook, God has allowed us to find one another, those who are like-minded and in need of love and encouragement.

2 Timothy 3:1-5 "3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."

Imagine how few friends Noah or Lot had in their times! I am sure they grieved at times over the way people were acting and their rejection of God.

Also over the years, God has shown me that we don't have to do anything at all to be hated because those who are in rebellion sense Christ in us and He is the One they hate."

What Does a Real Friendship Look Like!

When we are friends with someone there is mutual caring and interest. If the interest is one-sided and even disinterest, this is a clue there is no friendship. I have met many people who are interested in us as long as we are paying them compliments or elevating them in some way. They rarely engage when we have something to share that brings us joy or even a trial we are going through.

When we find ourselves approaching a friend all the time but they are not reciprocating then you may have an acquaintance and not a friendship.

Friends seek one another out, both do it, not only one all the time. In the past when I found myself the one always doing the calling or visits while the friend never did this, I would begin to realize the person was being polite but not really interested in a friendship.

Narcissists will not reciprocate, they will expect us to be the ones to always initiate contact and show caring but they will never or rarely do any of this for their "friend." If you find yourself always being the one to initiate contact and never having it returned then you may rethink that friendship. Not that you throw away the person but that it may not be the friendship you thought it was. Place them aside as an acquaintance that you treat respectfully but is not a close friend.

Rather than being disappointed that the narcissist does not seek you out except when they want something from you, this is the time to withdraw and find a new friend. Many people are like this so it is good to pray before jumping into a relationship quickly.

Born again believers want to be good friends, this is rare even in the church. We are living in a culture in which people want to surround themselves with those who will make them happy or give them good things, even if only lots of positive attention.

When a friend is having a trial or even a great joy that they wish to share, the narcissist will negate the joy in some way or become jealous that you have joy. If you are in a trial the narcissist disappears or pretends it's not really a trial.

When we find ourselves not able to share our life experiences with a friend because of disinterest or jealousy then we know that person is not our friend and never has been one. When we are ill and the friend does not show up or call to express concern we know this is not our friend.

As born-again believers we have a desire to be a good friend, sharing in the joys and trials of others. My husband always says: "a joy shared is double the joy and a problem shared is half a problem." This is what friendship is all about, sharing life with someone, all the stuff that happens to our friend.

Proverbs 18:24

"One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

John 15:12-13

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."

When God says a friend lays down their life for their friends it is not necessarily dying for them. When we lay down our lives for our friends we are willing to be interrupted to hear their joy or problem. When we are good friends we love to share about our lives too with our friends.

Narcissists often withhold things about themselves because they want only one side to be seen, that is the perfect side with all its fun and happiness. They are not authentic in their sharing.

We are never inconvenienced when a friend calls to share something whether it be joy or difficulties. We want to hear and we want to share from God's Word. I see very little of this in the church today. Most people do not want to be bothered except and unless it becomes about them.

I really hate the testimonies on the news when someone is asked why they did a good deed and their answer is something like this: "I love to do good deeds because they make ME feel so good." OOPS!!! This person was too ignorant to realize their good deeds were all about their own feelings.

What should a born-again believer say if asked this same question: "someone needed something, I wanted to help them." This is an expression of love for them, nothing about accolades for me.

Perhaps you have some other ways you would express it if the media were to ask you why you did a good deed.

When we find ourselves always making contact a good test of the friendship might be to stop making contact. If you are truly friends, the friend will contact you when you have stopped doing it.

When we love people we are concerned about them, we love to hear what is going on in their lives and we love to respond to them.

Narcissists will often neglect to respond because they are more about control than they are anything else. We do not have to be controlled by the narcissist's back and forth manipulation, we can ignore them and carry on to make meaningful relationships with those who really do care, as we act like caring and loving friends ourselves.

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Beware of False Prophets

Beware of Charles Bilisin on Facebook, he is preaching a false gospel that includes all religions as saved and on their way to heaven. He is Seventh Day Adventist who has been influenced by the world that says all ways lead to heaven.

Just as is predictable with those who are deceived he called me one who is preaching a false gospel for proclaiming to him that Christ is the only way.

One of the devil's tactics is to accuse us of what he is doing and we are not. This is so common now it can disarm those who are not strong in their faith.

You will begin to be, if you have not yet been, reviled for speaking the truth and sadly among the brethren.

John 14:5-7 "5“Lord,” said Thomas, “we do not know where You are going, so how can we know the way?” 6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me. 7If you had known Me, you would know My Father as well. From now on you do know Him and have seen Him.”…"

Matthew 5:10-12 "…10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11 Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. 12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets before you.…"

1 Timothy 4:1-2 "4 1-2 God’s Spirit specifically tells us that in later days there will be men who abandon the true faith and allow themselves to be spiritually seduced by teachings of the devil, teachings given by men who are lying hypocrites, whose consciences are as dead as seared flesh."

There is no such thing as Paul's Gospel! The Gospel is the Word of God from God through Jesus Christ.

There are those who believe there is a gospel according to Paul the apostle. This is false, Paul was a messenger of God to bring the Word of God through Christ.

1 Corinthians 12:1-11 "12 Now concerning spiritual gifts, brothers and sisters, I do not want you to be unaware.

2 You know that when you were pagans, you were led astray to the mute idols, however you were led.

3 Therefore I make known to you that no one speaking by the Spirit of God says, “Jesus is accursed”; and no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit.

4 Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit.

5 And there are varieties of ministries, and the same Lord.

6 There are varieties of effects, but the same God who works all things in all persons.

7 But to each one is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.

8 For to one is given the word of wisdom through the Spirit, and to another the word of knowledge according to the same Spirit; 9 to another faith by the same Spirit, and to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, 10 and to another the effecting of miracles, and to another prophecy, and to another the distinguishing of spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, and to another the interpretation of tongues.

11 But one and the same Spirit works all these things, distributing to each one individually just as He wills."

Paul was given what he knew from the Holy Spirit, nothing was according to Paul, it all came from the Holy Spirit. All of Scriputre is the Word from Christ, He is called the Word.

Paul is not the authority of what he wrote, he is merely the vehicle through which God sent His message.

Do Narcissists attend church gatherings?

I have met many people who have serious narcissistic tendencies who attend church gatherings, however, they act as though God is subject to them.

They change His word to say what they want it to mean rather than humbly seeking Him to learn His heart and mind.

They fight bitterly to defend their sin even when it is proven that they are offending God with their actions and words.

Narcissists love to pretend they love God only to elevate themselves but never to submit to Him or anyone else. God called every believer to submit to every other believer.

Ephesians 5:21-6:4

"21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God."

When the hierarchy demands that the "pew-sitters" submit to them they are abusing their calling if they were ever called by God in the first place.

1 Peter 5:3

"Not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock."

Leaders are to lead by example and teaching, not coercion or intimidation. They have no business demanding things from the other believers and they are subject to evaluation and correction from the gathering. Leading does not mean dominating over, this is abuse. Making extra-Biblical rules that God never commanded is sin and abuse toward those they dominate.

Submission is anathema to the narcissist. They fight and argue to defend the sin they engage in while always pointing their finger at others for not adhering to the legalistic rules that are not in the Bible.

When we run across a narcissist in the gathering we will recognize them by their hypersensitivity to correction or teaching. They must always be the center of attention and they never admit flaws in themselves that need prayer and cleansing.

These people are the gossips of the gathering who seek to turn others against the truth-tellers. They are not content to dislike their target or avoid them, they must influence how others see the ones they despise.

I have heard it said that "if a narcissist cannot control you they will attempt to control how others view you."

Unfortunately, because there are so many narcissists in the church gatherings today the church has become more apostate than authentic believers gathering to worship God.

I used to believe something is wrong with believers who do not attend church, now I am convinced that authentic believers are leaving the apostate church gatherings to worship at home or in much smaller groups other places to be able to follow the Bible in obedience to Christ.

God said not to forsake the gathering of believers however He did say where "two or three" are gathered there He is in the midst. God never commanded us to attend just any gathering in huge crowds in fancy buildings. Two or three gatherings to remember the Lord in the Lord's supper is sufficient to obey this command.

Matthew 18:20

"20 For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”

1 Corinthians 11:25-26 "…25 In the same way, after supper He took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in My blood; do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of Me.” 26 For as often as you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until He comes. "

Notice this? "Whenever" we gather we are to observe the Lord's supper. The first-century believers had worship every day, then they changed to once a week as we do today. At every meeting, they observed the Lord's Supper, which is the time of worship.

Romans 12:3 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.

4 For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function,

5 so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.

6 Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith;

7 if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching;

8 the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness."

1 Corinthians 14:26 "What then, brothers? When you come together, each one has a hymn, a lesson, a revelation, a tongue, or an interpretation. Let all things be done for building up."

There is no one-man pastor system mentioned here, all the believers participate with the men leading, each in His turn. The word "pastor" has never been a calling or a position, it is a gift given by God, not ordained by men. Men of God in the gathering will recognize who has the gifts of teaching and encourage them to do so. This gift is not given by seminaries or degrees from any college, it is given by Christ and will be evident by others in the gathering.

Do you see how far from the Word of God we have strayed as believers? Our gatherings look more like Catholic church services with hierarchy rather than the priesthood of all believers each functioning according to the Holy Spirit Who lives in them. God has called every believer to study His Word, hear from the Holy Spirit and perform their gift within the body.

The hierarchy system causes people to be lazy, they are pew-sitters who do not study and pray during the week, they sit there half asleep believing everything the "pulpit person" tells them without evaluating whether or not it is Biblical.

Every born-again believer is called to function in the church, the men leading and the women participating according to their gifts.

When we do things God's way we will not see nearly as much abuse or disobedience, everyone is able to speak the truth, everyone evaluates what is going on and everyone has a gift to be used. Everyone is allowed by God to challenge anyone else to greater holiness or correct to preserve the Word of God without error.

1 Corinthians 12:15-26

15 If the foot says, “Because I am not a hand, I am not a part of the body,” it is not for this reason any less a part of the body.

16 And if the ear says, “Because I am not an eye, I am not a part of the body,” it is not for this reason any less a part of the body.

17 If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were hearing, where would the sense of smell be?

18 But now God has arranged the parts, each one of them in the body, just as He desired.

19 If they were all one part, where would the body be?

20 But now there are many parts, but one body.

21 And the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you”; or again, the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.”

22 On the contrary, it is much truer that the parts of the body which seem to be weaker are necessary;

23 and those parts of the body which we consider less honorable, on these we bestow greater honor, and our less presentable parts become much more presentable,

24 whereas our more presentable parts have no need of it. But God has so composed the body, giving more abundant honor to that part which lacked,

25 so that there may be no division in the body, but that the parts may have the same care for one another.

26 And if one part of the body suffers, all the parts suffer with it; if a part is honored, all the parts rejoice with it."

There is no one in the body more important than others and no one less important than others. We are all there to bring what God has for us and love everyone, appreciating them for what God is using them. No one's gift is more important than another one's gift, they are all from God for His purposes.

When we think this way we are more able to be humble, loving, and appreciative of everyone else's gifts. Also, we need not tell others what their gift is, Christ in them will work and they will function in their gift even if they don't know they have it.

Attempting to identify gifts in each person is often a source of pride. We need not dwell too much on the gifts or we might neglect the worship of the giver of the gifts. Each person will work their gift as God leads them, this way there is no pride about the exercise of their gift.

Some people are exhibiting and working their gift without ever thinking about it, it is a work of God in them, no need to dwell on what it is or how good they are at what they do. We must remember these are gifts given by God, we take no pride in the gift itself. Our joy is in Christ and that He is the One working in everyone.

Yes, I said that......It is possible for a person to have a gift they are obeying through Christ but not be aware they have it. This is the best place to be, obeying Christ and letting Him take all the glory.

Some people like to build up pride in others by trying to figure out who has what gift. This is not right, often our flawed minds tend to think we have a gift we that never came from God, just in our own minds. We like to feel special and more highly of ourselves than we ought to think. This is why we must just obey Christ, without regard to naming our gift.

Are the Sign Gifts for Now?

I do not believe the sign gifts have gone away, however, I do believe they have been greatly diminished because of the apostasy and lack of faith upon the earth.

Also, I agree that the sign gifts have been misinterpreted and abused to the point of mocking God.

Everything God gave us in His Word is being abused, misused, and even twisted in these last days.

Pride is so extensive now that it drives the false gifts to make the one doing these things feel superior.

Also, the mentality that someone else has a word from God for another person, they are ignoring that we have only one mediator between God and man, that is Christ Jesus.

We need no one else to bring us a message from God as born-again believers. Christ in us tells us what He wants for us. All of these things practiced in our time are born out of arrogance, manipulation, and intimidation.

Those who feel a need to be noticed and elevated are the ones who practice false tongues, special revelation outside of the Bible, and instruction for others to practice these things.

I actually heard someone say her pastor taught her how to speak in tongues. The instruction was so silly it was hard not to laugh. She was told to just open her mouth and whatever comes out was tongues.

This is so wrong on so many levels it is beyond belief that anyone who possesses the Holy Spirit would say such a thing.

Let's remember that tongues were a sign for the unbeliever not for the believer.

1 Corinthians 14:21-23 "…21 It is written in the Law: “By strange tongues and foreign lips I will speak to this people, but even then they will not listen to Me, says the Lord.” 22 Tongues, then, are a sign, not for believers, but for unbelievers. Prophecy, however, is for believers, not for unbelievers. 23 So if the whole church comes together and everyone speaks in tongues, and some who are uninstructed or some unbelievers come in, will they not say that you are out of your minds?…"

Keep seeking Christ so you will not be led astray by those who are full of pride.

We Walk by Faith not by Sight

God doesn't want us to seek knowledge of our future because we would try to do something to change it or make it come faster, He wants us to walk by faith each day, enjoying His presence and his surprises.

We can live in excitement knowing God orders our day and has our best in mind as He does this!

Every difficulty and every pleasure He brings to us has purpose, we can trust in Him.

James 1:2-18 "2 Consider it all joy, my brothers and sisters, when you encounter various trials,

3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

6 But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind.

7 For that person ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord,

8 being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

9 Now the brother or sister of humble circumstances is to glory in his high position;

10 but the rich person is to glory in his humiliation, because like flowering grass he will pass away. "

James 1:12 "12 Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him."