Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Relationships Can Be Difficult

When a relationship is one sided, the other person talks and talks and talks, excited about their own things, but acts completely disinterested when you speak, if you are even given a chance to, then that is a clue there is a narcissistic bent.

It is impossible to hold a conversation with these people. They care only about their own things continually. Everyone does it from time to time when we are distracted with life issues, but when it is a continual pattern, that is a clue that there is no relationship.

Sometimes we are to people what is called, "narcissistic supply." This means that our friend or friends, keep us around simply to have someone to talk at, rather than discuss with. We are needed to supply them with emotional support, even though they have no emotional support for anyone else.

The Narcissist is concerned only with their own things continually. They have no interest in what anyone else is doing or going through. They often will pretend concern so that those looking on will see them as good. Even when they show concern it is for the purpose of elevating self, there is no real concern, because when anything is needed, they are no where to be found.

Another element of narcissism is that of jealousy. When good things happen to their friends, the narcissist not only acts disinterested but even negates the accomplishments or delights of their friends, to keep themselves elevated.

God said in the last days there will be a proliferation of these attitudes. Even now it is difficult to find those who are genuinely interested in others. True believers have a deep interest in their brothers and sisters.

1 John 3:14 "We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death."

Narcissists see themselves as all important over everyone else. They love to be the center of attention always.

When a narcissist doesn't get their way or is not worshiped by someone, they use various methods to demean those who are their targets. Often they "pick on" those who will not be sucked into their narcissistic supply.

The attitudes of a narcissist are full of hate, despising anyone who will not elevate them. Jealousy is evident whenever someone else receives blessing, through compliments or accomplishments.

Narcissism is not just a self focus it is a hatred for everyone but themselves. Non-responsiveness to the needs of others is a form of hatred.

1 John 4:20
"20 If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?"

Romans 12:5 "So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another."

When someone does not see themselves as a member of the group, always single minded, then they have missed the calling of a believer to operate as a family, loving and helping one another.

The narcissist is resistant and hostile to correction. They become furious when told they are wrong or that they have committed sin.

James 5:16 "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much."

It takes humility to admit when we have failed and it takes humility to need the prayers of others to be delivered from sin. The narcissist will not admit they have sin, let alone tolerate a rebuke or admonition. Any suggestion that they are not perfect cause actions of revenge, no matter how subtle. Often these actions are too subtle for onlookers to see, but they are none the less effective and cruel.

Philippians 2:3 "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves."

James 4:6
"6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble."

Luke 14:11
"11 For whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted."

Proverbs 22:4
"4 By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches, and honour, and life."

It is not possible to be born again and still live a lifestyle of narcissism continually. We all fall, we all have failings, but a lifestyle of narcissism is one that could never bow the knee to God in brokenness over their sin, because they think they have no sin, they have elevated themselves to the level of a god.

Psalm 51:17
"17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise."

A true narcissist cannot be reached by the hearing of the gospel, often they will hear the gospel in a way that elevates them. They must be given over to God, for Him to do His work on them. People cannot reach them. 


One of the elements of Narcissism that I forgot to mention was the total lack of empathy on the part of the narcissist. They do not have the ability to feel sorry for anyone else. If something does not pertain to them, they have no feelings about it, even if it is a serious injury or grief over something legitimate.
Thankfully, I have heard of narcissists who have become born again, and it is through the power of God not human effort that these people can receive brokenness to come to Christ.

Everyone is a narcissist to some degree before the Lord gets hold of us. There are those who are so steeped in the narcissistic attitudes that it takes much hardship in life to reach them. Some will never give into the lessons God has for them, but God will reach those who do.

God has given us a clear picture of a narcissist, and has told us that in the last days we will see it rampant throughout our culture and the world.

Here is what He said;

2 Timothy 3:1-5
"3 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.

2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,

3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,

4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;

5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away."

I am noticing from this passage that God tells us to stay away from these people if it is possible. If it is not possible then we must stay in prayer that God help us to be what He wants us to be. The temptation to fight with these wicked people will be very strong, since they will continually bait us, hoping to engage us in an argument, usually over almost nothing.

Elevating self is first and foremost for these types, conversation with them is agonizing, if we are even allowed to speak. 


God says we can let them go, He has called us to peace, when someone will not allow peace in a conversation then we must walk away and leave them to God.

May God show each of us what to do and be when faced with a narcissist and may He give us opportunity to walk away, believing that God can reach someone we cannot reach.

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