User Friendly People

Although I am not a fan of psychology as a whole, there are some elements that are truth as with any secular ideas. The list below does not cover everything in a relationship., there are probably more elements and warning signs that a relationship is in jeopardy, these are only main signs that can be seen more clearly. There are signs that are very subtle, but nonetheless damaging to relationships.

This is not an endorsement of the writer in other works, just agreement on this list.

The Ten Stingers for Friendship: by Karyl McBride

"Is there reciprocity in the relationship? Is there give and take? Or is one person always the giver and the other the taker?"

"Are you able to be yourself in this relationship? Do you find you have to play down your talents to make the friend feel less threatened? Or does this friend celebrate you and allow you to shine in your own right?"

"Is there a sharing of vulnerability on both sides and can you both discuss your real feelings?"

"Do you trust this person with your feelings or do you find yourself on guard most of the time? Have your feelings been used against you?"

"Can your friend give you empathy on a peer level or is it more like sympathy making you feel less than?"

"Does this friend bring out the best in you? Are you aware that you feel wonderful in the presence of this person? You get to be your real self in good times or bad?"

"When issues come up that need to be discussed, can this friend be accountable for their own behavior?"

"Do you find it acceptable to have boundaries with this friend? When setting boundaries, does it cause problems? Or is this understood and easily worked through between you?"

"Do you care about each other for who you are as humans, rather than what you do in your accomplishments?"

"Does the friend exploit you for his or her own ends, or just cherish what you bring to the relationship?"
Unquote

Often believers are led to believe that they must maintain close friendships with ALL other believers. This is not true according to the Bible. We are called to be kind, blessing those who curse us and never returning evil for evil, however that does not translate into close personal friend relationships necessarily.

When we find we have a friend who is a taker, almost never showing concern for us and angry when we cannot give to them, then there is no real relationship. You might say the relationships is "user friendly." One party uses and other is used.

This relationship of "user friendly" is based on one thing only, and that is one of disrespect, unkindness and unconcern. When there is almost never a show of real concern about another human being, the contact can only be agonizing rather than a blessing.

God has called ALL of us to be a blessing, when one person shirks their responsibility to God in this, then there is heartache and discouragement.

Takers very often are angry when others are not giving them something, they forget all about what has already been given to them and whine and complain that those who gave, will not give more.

John 15:12-15
"12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you."

Proverbs 13:20
"20 He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed."

Proverbs 14:6-7 

"A scoffer seeks wisdom in vain, but knowledge is easy for a man of understanding. Leave the presence of a fool, for there you do not meet words of knowledge."

Proverbs 22:22-25
22 "Do not rob the poor because he is poor, Nor oppress the afflicted at the gate;
23 For the Lord will plead their cause, And plunder the soul of those who plunder them.
24 Make no friendship with an angry man, And with a furious man do not go,
25 Lest you learn his ways And set a snare for your soul."

1 Corinthians 15:33
"33 Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.”"

Luke 6:31
"31 And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise."

Romans 12:10
"10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another;"

Ephesians 4:29-32
"29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.

30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.

31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.

32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."

Colossians 3:12-14
"12 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering;

13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection."

When we see that many of God's principles are being violated in a relationship continually, we have tried to discuss the violations with our friend, and it is met with resistance and anger, then we must choose whether to remain, endure or walk away. 

Those who will not listen to reason, showing that they have no interest in the relationship being one of true friendship, then perhaps it is time to move on.

We must let the Lord be our guide in this, not our culture. Our culture believes in tolerance to the nth degree, disregarding God's commands to be Holy as He is Holy.
Pray for those who spitefully use you, that God will bless them with repentance.

Love seeks to honor God, when someone refuses to do that then we must choose it for ourselves, continual conflict or ill feelings are present because of disobedient brothers and sisters. We must leave them to the Lord, remain innocent in our responses to them, but determine to separate from them for the sake of peace.