Children tend to follow the example they see much more than the words that are spoken. A narc can tell his children to be unselfish, but if the narc demonstrates lack of kindness while caring more about winning control over others, they will see their children doing the same things. Narcs have a greater influence over children than their spouses because it is a natural bent of the children to want to be selfish. The non-narcissistic parent will be negated and ignored while the narcissist parent will be elevated. Children who are not born again love to be given permission by example to elevate self while negating others, it comes naturally to them.
Often narcs are arguers, they love to cause strife through argument. They often see their children arguing with them and any other authority, while scratching their heads wondering why they have a child like this, the reason is clear, they taught their children to be like this through their own example.
There is an old saying "more is caught than taught." This has been proven to be true time after time. We teach far more by example than by words in terms of character building.
The narcissist will judge things they know nothing about because they notice very little of what is going on with others, but believe they know everything, they are the proverbial "know it all." They will instruct others on things they know little about just to appear superior.
If a woman has a husband who is a narcissist then we have to defer to the scriptures that tell us to bless those who curse us. We must never do anything that gives the narc a legitimate excuse to be mad at us. Our heart must follow God no matter what others are doing to us.
However, we are not to walk around on egg shells terrified of upsetting them, this only feeds their narcissism. The best thing to do is pray continually that the Lord will give us joy in spite of the negativity we have to live with while seeing it as a challenge to handle it properly.
Luke 6:28 "bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you."
We are never to do revenge, it is best to "not respond" to those who are attempting to provoke us. The food for a narcissist is provoking their target to cause them to lose control. When we learn to ignore the provocation, answering calmly, staying to the subject without emotions often defuses the attacks.
We must remain calm, state the truth boldly without answering to the accusations at all. When a narc cannot get us to explode they will begin to attack our character. When we don't respond to that they will use tactics such as the "silent treatment" to cause us pain. When they cause us pain, it makes them feel in control.
Remember most of what they accuse us of is not true, they are projecting, they are doing what they accuse us of to hide themselves and to frustrate their victim.
If the verbal and emotional attacks are severe and every day, then it might be good to suggest a temporary separation to pray and gather your wits about you. A full blown narc will feign sorrow and want to reconcile but it won't be real, it is for the purpose of getting back power over you again. At least in a marriage we can minimize the damage by doing the right things to create a livable situation.
If we remember that it really isn't about the victim at all, the narc is merely attempting to have control over others, they don't care about the people, they only care about their control and they will use every trick they can to keep control.
There is hope in all this, there have been narcs who became born again, their hearts were changed and they stopped the tactics. It is all about becoming born again. The seculars will tell you they can't be cured, and that is true without Christ. With Christ they can be completely changed.
The last thing I want to tell you and the most important is to pray for the one who is not saved while demonstrating yourself Christ likeness. Do not back down on what is right, but also do not engage when the tactics are being used. One expert in the study of narcissism said one way to keep your sanity is to "observe but don't absorb."
When we know it isn't us, they are the ones attempting to make a case for us as the bad guy, we can let it slide right off, while maintaining our integrity with God.
There is an old saying "more is caught than taught." This has been proven to be true time after time. We teach far more by example than by words in terms of character building.
The narcissist will judge things they know nothing about because they notice very little of what is going on with others, but believe they know everything, they are the proverbial "know it all." They will instruct others on things they know little about just to appear superior.
If a woman has a husband who is a narcissist then we have to defer to the scriptures that tell us to bless those who curse us. We must never do anything that gives the narc a legitimate excuse to be mad at us. Our heart must follow God no matter what others are doing to us.
However, we are not to walk around on egg shells terrified of upsetting them, this only feeds their narcissism. The best thing to do is pray continually that the Lord will give us joy in spite of the negativity we have to live with while seeing it as a challenge to handle it properly.
Luke 6:28 "bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you."
We are never to do revenge, it is best to "not respond" to those who are attempting to provoke us. The food for a narcissist is provoking their target to cause them to lose control. When we learn to ignore the provocation, answering calmly, staying to the subject without emotions often defuses the attacks.
We must remain calm, state the truth boldly without answering to the accusations at all. When a narc cannot get us to explode they will begin to attack our character. When we don't respond to that they will use tactics such as the "silent treatment" to cause us pain. When they cause us pain, it makes them feel in control.
Remember most of what they accuse us of is not true, they are projecting, they are doing what they accuse us of to hide themselves and to frustrate their victim.
If the verbal and emotional attacks are severe and every day, then it might be good to suggest a temporary separation to pray and gather your wits about you. A full blown narc will feign sorrow and want to reconcile but it won't be real, it is for the purpose of getting back power over you again. At least in a marriage we can minimize the damage by doing the right things to create a livable situation.
If we remember that it really isn't about the victim at all, the narc is merely attempting to have control over others, they don't care about the people, they only care about their control and they will use every trick they can to keep control.
There is hope in all this, there have been narcs who became born again, their hearts were changed and they stopped the tactics. It is all about becoming born again. The seculars will tell you they can't be cured, and that is true without Christ. With Christ they can be completely changed.
The last thing I want to tell you and the most important is to pray for the one who is not saved while demonstrating yourself Christ likeness. Do not back down on what is right, but also do not engage when the tactics are being used. One expert in the study of narcissism said one way to keep your sanity is to "observe but don't absorb."
When we know it isn't us, they are the ones attempting to make a case for us as the bad guy, we can let it slide right off, while maintaining our integrity with God.
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