"As a young child I was told regularly that I was stupid and ugly. I was told I was fat when I was thin. I was told I could not do what other people did. I was chastised with disparaging remarks when I did something right or good." The more I began to develop interests and talents the worse I was treated.
"Over the years the people that emotionally and spiritually abused me never stopped how they treated me, they just hid it a little better when I was married and left home. They knew they could no longer get away with blatantly abusing me so they did it secretly while making others believe they were a great family.
"As time passed over the years the abusers began to work on my children and husband to turn them against me too.
When we hear these kind of stories its hard to believe these things happen. Since many families do not operate this way, it seems like a story invented to invoke sympathy.
Because of my testimony I have met others who have been through this all their lives. Those who grew up believing they were too stupid to succeed, too fat for anyone to love and too ugly to be attractive to anyone. None of it was true but those that were suppose to love us wanted us to believe it and it hurt deeply.
Those who have strong personalities weather the storm of childhood and run when they get the chance. Others who do not have the strength to run, they remain for a lifetime of abuse.
The experiences of an abusive family of origin can make us or break us. Its a test for us to see if we can be strong enough to refuse to believe the lies told about us. Those who are not strong or do not have the Lord will become immoral, engaging in activities that are destructive out of anger and rage.
There is a saying I read recently, I don't know who wrote it but it goes like this; "if the narcissist cannot control you, they will attempt to control how others see you."
My suggestion is for those who have been abused and have remained silent all their years into adulthood, must allow themselves to tell the truth. If those abusers and their flying monkeys get angry and leave you, then you are better off than you were before.
Being alone with Christ is far better than remaining with abusers who will never change. Sadly they prefer to see you as the little child they loved to abuse as though you never grew up, they continue their abuse only more covertly and subtlely than before.
If they can make you look like a lunatic to others they will count it as a win for them.
Matthew 12:47-49 "…47 Someone told Him, “Look, Your mother and brothers are standing outside, wanting to speak to You.” 48 But Jesus replied, “Who is My mother, and who are My brothers?” 49 Pointing to His disciples, He said, “Here are My mother and My brothers."
If you are a born again believer you have a Father and your brothers and sisters are those who love Him, that is the Father in heaven and Jesus Christ. No earthly family member can be for us what Christ can be.
You will still wish your family would act correctly. Just remember that our fantasies about our families changing almost never come true. Yes, we can pray but leaving them to God to deal with them. Our continued presence in their life leaves them content with their habit of abuse. Removing ourselves may do more than remaining.
Never allow others to say foolish things like; "just love them." These are people who have never been abused, they have no clue as to the damage narcissists can do. Staying is not a show of love for abusers, it is foolish to continue with those who are not sorry for their abuse.
We have love in our hearts, we are not bitter but we are protecting our walk with Christ. Bad people will attempt to influence us to be bitter and angry like they are, while glorying in our falls.
1 Corinthians 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good character.”
How does bad company corrupt good character? There are two ways bad company corrupts good character, one is to make us so angry at their antics that we explode in anger leaving a bad witness for everyone watching, bringing out the worst in us. Another way bad company corrupts good character is the propensity for us to want to do and say what others do and say just to be accepted by them.
God knows our weaknesses and so does the devil. God warns us to stay away from people who promote sin in us. While the devil says, "just love them", to cause guilt in us to remain in company with them.
When in doubt, go to the Word of God and do what He commands. Expunge from your mind all those lies the culture has taught, even the Christian culture who has bought into the lies of the enemy through psychology.
There are those who will pressure you to remain with abusers as though allowing them to abuse us will cause them to change. Here is God's answer to that.
Isaiah 26:10-11 "10 Though grace is shown to the wicked man, he does not learn righteousness. In the land of righteousness he acts unjustly and fails to see the majesty of the LORD. 11 O LORD, Your hand is upraised, but they do not see it. They will see Your zeal for Your people, and be put to shame. The fire set for Your enemies will consume them!…"
Be encouraged, God cares deeply for your plight, He sees it all, all the time.
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