As long as there is more than one narcissist in the room and a scapegoat, the narcissists all stand together against the scapegoat.
In my experience in the home I grew up in there was constant fighting between the narcissists. Even blame was leveled against the scapegoat for the fighting the narcissists engage in.
Nothing is ever the narcissist's fault, the blame always goes to the victim of these self-important people.
They will blame a five-year-old child for causing the fight because one narcissist said no to the child and the other narcissist said yes.
The child was just asking to be able to do something but the narcissists didn't agree so they fought and the fight was the child's fault for asking.
Then all the other older siblings in the house believe the parents and become narcissists to enter into the scapegoating of the small child.
The child is labeled "rebellious" because all she did was express herself or ask a question. This child as she got older attempted to beg the parents to stop fighting and the rest of the household labeled her "rebellious" for expressing her deep pain and hurt.
Then all her life the scapegoat is gossiped about to relatives as a trouble maker. This is irrational but common in households who have "golden children" who do no wrong and a "scapegoat child" who can do no right.
This is referred to in some circles as "family mobbings." There is no sense of compassion or understanding for the narcissist, only constant criticism for everything the scapegoat thinks or desires. Scapegoats are not allowed to have hope, dreams and personal thoughts if she does she must be squashed to discourage it.
Another aspect of the narcissistic personality is to ignore the scapegoat's accomplishments, even using constant criticism about nearly everything. Unless the narcissist finds some way of claiming credit for the achievement of the scapegoat.
Some people who are scapegoats have not been raised in families like this but married into the narcissistic mobbing mentality.
My thrust in this article is to warn those who are not married yet to recognize narcissistic tendencies in people they date so that they do not fall into the pit of narcissism for the rest of their lives.
Marriage is for a lifetime, those who marry narcissists because they did not consult with God before entering into a relationship will have a very hard road ahead of them.
Sometimes scapegoats will marry narcissists because they think this person will be different. They are familiar with the ways they act but think this is normal and all there is in the world.
If they are not a narcissist they will become like one from being married to one unless they seek Christ to be above it. OFten people marry people just like their dysfunctional family because it is familiar to them, even though it's ugly they think they do not deserve anything else.
1 Corinthians 15:33-34 "33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good character.” 34 Sober up as you ought, and stop sinning; for some of you are ignorant of God. I say this to your shame.…"
God clearly says in His Word that we are not to be unequally yoked to unbelievers. Nowadays people will say they are Christians but have never been born again. If you know the Bible and the tactics of 2 Timothy 3 you will be able to recognize them. God will also warn you if you heed the warnings you may be able to avoid entering into a life long union with someone who is a narcissist.
Why do I write so much about this subject? The reason is that our culture is a narcissistic culture in general. It is easy for narcissists to turn on the charm before you are married, even claim to be Christian without any of the fruit of the Spirit.
Narcissists know how to hide the real them to gain your trust. When we are all atwitter with infatuation it is easy to miss or ignore the clues that someone is phony.
Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."
A way to test a relationship is to refrain from rushing into a relationship while being completely your honest self. Share openly your beliefs and even share freely a disagreement with them. Disagreeing with a narcissist will bring out the worst in them. They hate to be seen as wrong, therefore if you disagree you must be made to feel stupid for your opinion.
When you see these tactics occur then run like the wind. People generally hide their real selves when they are dating, if they are doing these things while dating they are worse when you become married and they know you cannot easily get away.
The best way to protect yourself from a narcissist is to be bold and open and watch their reactions. They must be in control and superior to you. The real them leaks out through their mouth and their lack of response, when they are irritated at you, mostly for almost nothing important, will show you their resistance to accepting you for who you are as a person.
There are subtle things they do all the time that keep you in a one-down position. They insist you do everything their way or obey their mandates even for silly insignificant things. You are never allowed to be yourself in their presence. If you dare to be yourself, having your own ideas and likes and dislikes, these self-important individuals will punish you in some way.
Some of their favored ways of punishing are mean looks, the silent treatment and often leaving you out of decisions and functions so you will develop a strong sense of rejection for not doing or being what they want you to do or be. They are convinced that this rejection will cause you to apologize for being you and do or be what they want you to be, that is jusut like them but under their thumb continually.
They will act jealous when you share a happy accomplishment or an idea that gives you joy. They never speak about God or Christ on their own without your prompting.
Lovely born again believers not only allow people to be themselves they even appreciate the differences in those they love. They realize that all personalities have something to offer. Everyone can learn from and enjoy everyone else's specialness.
Jude 1:16-17 "16 These men are discontented grumblers, following after their own lusts; their mouths spew arrogance; they flatter others for their own advantage. 17 But you, beloved, remember what was foretold by the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ…"
Galatians 14:15-17 "…16 Have I now become your enemy by telling you the truth? 17 Those people are zealous for you, but not in a good way. Instead, they want to isolate you from us, so that you will be zealous for them. "
Some wise sayings.
“Jealousy is a form of hatred built upon insecurity.”
“People who are intimidated by you talk bad about you with hopes that others won’t find you so appealing.”
“Don’t ruin other people’s happiness just because you can’t find your own.”
“Don’t compare your insides with other people’s outsides.”
God warns us to help us become stronger avoiding the influence of those who want us to be sinful like them. If we have indulged them and have adapted some of their ways we must confess to be cleansed and begin again to depend on Christ.
Proverbs 24
1 Do not be envious of evil men,
Nor desire to be with them;
2 For their [a]minds devise violence,
And their lips talk of trouble.
3 By wisdom, a house is built,
And by understanding it is established;
4 And by knowledge, the rooms are filled
With all precious and pleasant riches.
5 A wise man is [b]strong,
And a man of knowledge [c]increases power.
6 For by wise guidance you will [d]wage war,
And in the abundance of counselors, there is victory.
7 Wisdom is too exalted for a fool,
He does not open his mouth in the gate.
8 One who plans to do evil,
Men will call a [e]schemer.
9 The devising of folly is sin,
And the scoffer is an abomination to men.
10 If you are slack in the day of distress,
Your strength is limited."
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