Narcissists are often lenient with children because they want the children to have allegiance to them.
The narcissist will treat the parent who trains, teaches and disciplines as though they are mean causing the children to believe something is wrong with the other parent.
Often the children of the narcissist despise the parent who cares about the success of the children. The narcissist will pamper the children while making the caring parent out to be the bad one.
In my family, my parents were both narcissists and raised my brothers to despise me because I thought differently from them. Our parents poked at me and by their example, my brothers thought I didn't deserve any respect or kindness.
One thing that was clear in our household was that if any suggestion was made different from the narcissist's ideas they would rage rather than discuss, and I think this was due to fear. They feared the loss of control merely through a different suggestion.
When we encounter these kinds of people there is only one thing we can do, is keep our own hearts free from anger and bitterness while asserting ourselves in a loving and kind manner.
We keep our own hearts free from bitterness by seeking God, praying, and understanding the source of the angst toward us, which is the devil.
Ephesians 6:12
"12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places."
When we have prayed to discern if we are guilty of something and found that we are being manipulated then we can assume the devil is behind the mess and pray against it.
Our most important prayer is that God keeps us from responding in a sinful way, making us impervious to the attacks designed to cause emotional reactions in us.
Isaiah 26:3
"3 You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You."
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